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Adonis 4174
Posted - 2007.08.25 08:17:00 - [61]
 

Originally by: Skelator
P.S. I DID feel a bit bad about the 9 year old kid but... when locked up we shoot first and ask questions later....


ii. Game Rating
EVE™ has a "TEEN" rating. Parents may find it inappropriate for use by children under the age of thirteen (13).

I guess somebody's dad didn't understand what that meant.

Ethaet
Gallente
Aliastra
Posted - 2007.08.25 08:20:00 - [62]
 

Edited by: Ethaet on 25/08/2007 08:20:34
I was sitting outside a newb station, when some newb in a reaper locks me.
newb hits you for 0.5 damage
sentryguns fire, boom

in local:
newb>WTF? how did you kill me?

Jurgen Cartis
Caldari
Interstellar Corporation of Exploration
Posted - 2007.08.25 08:45:00 - [63]
 

Someone's talking in local about a fight over in a belt, so I get in my cheap-ass ninja salvage Kestrel and warp out to the belt. A few guys (all in the same corp) shooting at each other and making a nice pretty light show. One of em screwed up (or maybe not) and blew up his mate's Caracal, but they were going on in local about the patch removing CONCORD from 0.5.

One of em, a 2003 character flying a Raven, gives me a gang invite. I accept, as the ship is pocket change even if he does pull something.

About this point, some random SWA Kestrel shows up and tries to suicide gank me. This being highsec, CONCORD shows up and takes him out. I salvage and loot the wreck.

He says he can rep me, and targets me in his T2 kitted Raven.

As expected, he launches a full volley of Cruise Missiles at me, and CONCORD (sitting 25km away from us already) insta-pwns him. Apparently thought that just being ganged with me meant he could gank me in peace. One of his corpmates had me locked already, so I didn't dare loot, but I did get the salvage.

I would have loved to see his corp chat right about then.

Ben Derindar
Dirty Deeds Corp.
Posted - 2007.08.25 09:45:00 - [64]
 

(From 2005)

XXXXX > when you say red alliance, do you mean a person who is red on your screen?

/Ben

Aleczander Kerr
Epitoth Guard
Posted - 2007.08.25 10:13:00 - [65]
 

Not too long ago in Local:

Pilot1> So who's the best in EVE these days?
Pilot2> Well BOB is owning half the galaxy
Pilot1> Is he that good?
...

Justnipples
Posted - 2007.08.25 11:45:00 - [66]
 

There was, of course, someone ganking in hi-sec space, and some poor newbie was having a brain aneurysm about it, and was wondering why CONCORD (whom he was calling "The Cops") weren't coming. So the conversation goes something like this:

Newbie - 'hwo do you call teh cops?'
Me - 'You just type 911 three times really fast into the help channel.'
Newbie1 - '911911911'
Newbie2 - '911 911 911'
Newbie3 - '911'
Newbie3 - '911'
Newbie3 - '911'
Me - 'lol'
Newbie1 'i still died'

Jim McGregor
Posted - 2007.08.25 11:53:00 - [67]
 

Edited by: Jim McGregor on 25/08/2007 11:54:15
Originally by: Justnipples

Newbie - 'hwo do you call teh cops?'
Me - 'You just type 911 three times really fast into the help channel.'
Newbie1 - '911911911'
Newbie2 - '911 911 911'
Newbie3 - '911'
Newbie3 - '911'
Newbie3 - '911'
Me - 'lol'
Newbie1 'i still died'


This is my favorite this far. Laughing

Originally by: Surfin's PlunderBunny

"I just saw an explosion and I have a new ship that looks like an egg... did I just level up?"


Second best in the thread. :)

Jenina Hawke
Minmatar
Dromedary Goat Albatross and Fish
Big Bang Quantum
Posted - 2007.08.25 12:14:00 - [68]
 

Me: Ehm... ok, so how do I save this game?
All of Danish channel: ROTFLMAO!

;-)
Jen

Kweel Nakashyn
shadow and cloaking
Yggdrasill.
Posted - 2007.08.25 12:16:00 - [69]
 

Mine : "oh my god, Badger II hit hard ! *pop* &#@%$ !!!"
That was gate sentries, actually.

Ricdic
Caldari
Caldari Provisions
Posted - 2007.08.25 12:25:00 - [70]
 

Back almost 4 years ago when I started Eve, I did spend 4 weeks flying around before realising I was supposed to train skills. I never thought of 'leveling up' as I hadn't come from other games of that meld. I just figured you keep saving your isk and after a certain amount of time you get different things unlocked for you.

Was an interesting 4 weeks, I think most of it was spent in my noob ship, or in a shuttle after I had saved up enough money for it!

Erim Solfara
Amarr
inFluX.
Posted - 2007.08.25 13:16:00 - [71]
 

"Wot was that laser u used so I couldnt go warp?"

From a friend's bio : P

Celestal
Posted - 2007.08.25 13:32:00 - [72]
 

from the rookie help channel

Hi I have just started eve can someone lend me 100 mill to buy a battleship ?

Yakumo Smith
Gallente
Body Count Inc.
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2007.08.25 17:48:00 - [73]
 

i'd just started playing, did the tutorial mission, spend the rest of the evening running lvl1 missions...it was 2am time for bed time to quit........

Shocked Ummm.....

*waits 10 minutes looking for quit button in station

*goes into rookie help

"Umm how to you quit the game?"

In my defence I wasn't used to PC games.


Another time after i'd joined my first corp, i'd fly the drone missions. While looting, i'd manually stack each alloy together, wishing there was some sort of button that would "stack all"...Seems I was the only person in corp that didn't know.

Yet another time while changing laser crystals in flight..."open cargo, select crystal on laser, drag to cargo, select crystal from cargo, drag to laser...repeat" to corpie flying Absolution "how can you change crystals so fast??"


Calisto Cody
Minmatar
The Black Swan Society
Posted - 2007.08.25 18:11:00 - [74]
 

My brother asked how to save too, I was shocked for a min I swear there is no relation.

I had to be told how to use the auto pilot and shown it existed. that being said it was 2004 and the tutorial was shall we say...lacking

Preator Rushview
The Knights Templar
Pure.
Posted - 2007.08.25 19:03:00 - [75]
 

How do I shot web?


Viglen
Gallente
Taurus Inc
Posted - 2007.08.26 00:18:00 - [76]
 

Might not be related, but funny as hell!!

This is the worst game ever it's full of bugs!!!!!
errrr, your on the test server, did u expect anything else!!

Laughing

jbob2000
Gallente
Degenerate...
Posted - 2007.08.26 00:30:00 - [77]
 

Originally by: Entreri Finwe
We had a guy in corp a few years back that finally managed to get his hands on a Apocalypse, he's first BS
At that time we had a war dec on us and they guys that had decced us was long time enemies so they knew everything about us and we knew about as much about them.
So he was in his new Apoc, in our empire HQ...

Him: "I'm gonna mine for insurance"
Me: "Eh, I think that would be unwise, we have a war"
Him: "No worries, I've got a cruise missile launcher fitted"
Me: "That wouldn't do diddely-squat"
Him: "Yes it will, I will kill anything that attacks me"

15 minutes later:

Him: "Help, I'm under attack!"
Him: "I'm going down!"
Him: "I lost my Apoc"

Laughing
(Spelling was improved for readability, that guy had the worst english skills I've seen yet)




What was that guys name? Sounds VERY familliar to something i did a few years back Embarassed

Drizit
Amarr
Posted - 2007.08.26 03:32:00 - [78]
 

A week old noob ratting in 0.6 when I turn up at the belt testing the range and lock speed on a BS. No NPC rats and a ratter there so I went to warp off and as the ship turned...

noob: Thanks for not killing me.
me: In highsec, players can't shoot you or Concord will gank them.
noob: Oh right.
noob: But thanks for not killing me anyway.


DubanFP
Caldari
Caldari Provisions
Posted - 2007.08.26 04:12:00 - [79]
 

I can't remember the exact converstation, but one time while i was outside Kisogo station killing baiters I noticed a rogue ibis pilot that was criminally flagged and kept getting concordokkened.

I open conversation and the first thing he says was along the lines of "STOP KILLING ME, PLEASE!!! I'm sorry i shot you". Laughingly i tell him he shot someone innocent and that the police "Concord" was punishing him for it. And that Concord would keep killing him until the red global criminal countdown timer ended. Somehow he was under the impression that I was from concord or something, i'm not sure.

He told me something along the lines of that he was sorry, and for me to "please stop punishing him for his actions". it took him like 20 minutes for me to make him realize that concord was automated X-/. It didn't help that i could bearly type anything while laughing so hard.

Valeronx
Celestial Horizon Corp.
Fallen Angels Alliance
Posted - 2007.08.26 04:35:00 - [80]
 

Originally by: Drizit
A week old noob ratting in 0.6 when I turn up at the belt testing the range and lock speed on a BS. No NPC rats and a ratter there so I went to warp off and as the ship turned...

noob: Thanks for not killing me.
me: In highsec, players can't shoot you or Concord will gank them.
noob: Oh right.
noob: But thanks for not killing me anyway.





That's a pretty good one. Cool

Bozl1n
Caldari
The Black Rabbits
The Gurlstas Associates
Posted - 2007.08.26 09:07:00 - [81]
 

Originally by: Jurgen Cartis
Someone's talking in local about a fight over in a belt, so I get in my cheap-ass ninja salvage Kestrel and warp out to the belt. A few guys (all in the same corp) shooting at each other and making a nice pretty light show. One of em screwed up (or maybe not) and blew up his mate's Caracal, but they were going on in local about the patch removing CONCORD from 0.5.

One of em, a 2003 character flying a Raven, gives me a gang invite. I accept, as the ship is pocket change even if he does pull something.

About this point, some random SWA Kestrel shows up and tries to suicide gank me. This being highsec, CONCORD shows up and takes him out. I salvage and loot the wreck.

He says he can rep me, and targets me in his T2 kitted Raven.

As expected, he launches a full volley of Cruise Missiles at me, and CONCORD (sitting 25km away from us already) insta-pwns him. Apparently thought that just being ganged with me meant he could gank me in peace. One of his corpmates had me locked already, so I didn't dare loot, but I did get the salvage.

I would have loved to see his corp chat right about then.


At 1 point it did


RedWyvern
Gallente
Interstellar Brotherhood of Gravediggers
Privateer Alliance
Posted - 2007.08.26 12:25:00 - [82]
 

Edited by: RedWyvern on 26/08/2007 12:42:49
haha oh wow you big strong pirates really showed those stoopid newbies who's boss, you're so impressive ripping people who have neither the skills equipment nor knowledge to possibly take you on!

What a surprise! HARHAHRAHRH.

Seriously, with a couple of exceptions this thread is less about the humourous mistakes of new players than it is a circlejerk for people who get a kick out of stomping on the new and helpless.

Aki Yutani
Caldari
School of Applied Knowledge
Posted - 2007.08.26 12:42:00 - [83]
 

Please don't pod me.

Sooplex
Jericho Fraction
Posted - 2007.08.26 12:58:00 - [84]
 

Went something like this...

New player > This game is SO slow!
New player > Hope you can learn skills to go faster.
New player > It has taken 18 hours to get to the asteroid belt.

Player x > ???...you do realize that you can warp?

New player > warp?...what is that?

The poor guy had manually flown from his station to an asteroid belt, taking 18 hours to get there.


Voltas Stormtide
Shadow Company
THE KLINGONS
Posted - 2007.08.26 13:40:00 - [85]
 

I once interviewed someone for my old corp that told me he had almost quit eve in his first month as he got really bored in his starter system. Apparently this guy did not realise what stargates were for (he hadn't done the turorial) and had never left the system.

Inturist
FSB-ALFA
RED.OverLord
Posted - 2007.08.26 13:49:00 - [86]
 

*** bla bla bla -> engaged us for NO REASON . That's just lame tactics , killing PVE's people.

Laughing

Adonis 4174
Posted - 2007.08.26 14:10:00 - [87]
 

Given that they changed the wording, I guess I'm not the only person who thought "Stay out of pod-killing zones" was a good option to leave ticked?

Taipan Gedscho
Muzzletov Gewaltski Inc.
Posted - 2007.08.26 15:16:00 - [88]
 

Edited by: Taipan Gedscho on 26/08/2007 15:18:01
these stories about noobs not knowing how to warp...

i dont believe it. theres not much stuff in eve you can reach in 23 hours.

im pretty sure its a vet joke to make other "vets" look like noobs.

do the numbers. what ships can travel what distance in 23 hours?

Alski
Ministers Of Destruction.
Posted - 2007.08.26 16:10:00 - [89]
 

Few months ago when i created a disposeable alt for some resion, first thing i see in local:

noob: where can i warp to where no one will find me?
me: this is an 1.0 system your perfectley safe here wherever you go
noob: but i want somewhere really safe, theres so many people around
me: errr... warp to a planet at a ramdom distance i guess
noob: ok
noob: OMG I'M WARPING TO THE STAR!!!1111

The next minute or two at least was local being filled with him panicing because he though the sun was gonna burn up his ship or something, finaley realised he wasent warping out cos he couldent see anything except the huge great big star next to him, and told him to press tab to reopen his overview Very Happy

Stitcher
Caldari
Posted - 2007.08.26 16:36:00 - [90]
 

While the stories of newbies not knowing they can warp or what stargates are for are fun, I'd have to say - yeah, it just might happen. Never underestimate the scope of human stupidity.

Nevertheless, I've heard far too many such stories for ALL of them to be true...


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