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mazzilliu
Caldari
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2006.11.02 00:01:00 - [1]
 

Edited by: mazzilliu on 06/11/2006 05:53:07
guide updated: edited some parts for accuracy and increased awesomeness multiplier by a factor of ten

I'm writing this guide in the hopes that carebears everywhere like me can perfect their logging out technique and become totally safe from all pirates and hostiles everywhere. After reading this short and simple guide you and all your friends can feel free to fly iterons full of zydrine anywhere in the universe without a worry or a care in the world.

part1, How to log out:
You can log out by pressing escape and then clicking "quit game", but of course this takes too much time, the absolute fastest way to do it is to press "alt-F4" repeatedly. This allows you enough time while waiting for the game to shut down to speak in local and alert your attackers to a wide range of things, such as how poorly they play the game, what you did with their mother last night, or simply how much ISK they didn't get by not destroying you. They love that. if the game doesnt shut down immediately while pressing alt-f4, rest assured, it is doing so and you are safe. It's just a bug if it appears otherwise.

part2, When to log out:
Of course now that you know how to exit the game at opportune times, you will of course need to learn how to moderate the usage of this technique. Over-use is known as "quitting EVE" and under-use is known as "having no life". Depending on which corporation and/or alliance you are a member of, you may already have some members that are highly experienced in this matter and perhaps can offer some pointers that this guide may have missed.

Anyways. Assume you are deep in 0.0 space. Local is on screen(you only really need it so you can insult hostiles) and you are warping to the next gate in your bestower containing tech2 guns and blueprints. When you land you see a bubble and 15 ships on the gate! "Oh no, I'm going to die", you think. But not if you keep a clear head and log out! Ask yourself: Is this an anchorable bubble or an interdictor bubble? Anchorable bubbles show up on the overview and are safe to log out in. The moment you log out your ship will warp off to a random place 100 million kilometres away safely. Interdictor bubbles are another matter. When you log out of one of those, your ship hangs there and is vulnerable to attack. The trick is to log out once you are warp scrambled. Your ship will instantly dissapear if you log whilst warp scrambled no matter what bubble you are caught in. Even if you are sitting directly on a gate or a station, the safest thing for you to do at this point would be to log out.

A good rule of thumb in any other case not involving warp bubbles: "Once warp scrambled, Log out."

This sends a clear message to the evil pirate scum that were trying to gank you(no doubt organizing that 15-man example camp just for your hauler because they are that weak, and probably have no friends in real life): "Hey man, i don't want to play the game on these terms. I'll come back when we outnumber you 4:1. ****ing greifers."

Part3, When to log back in:
This is the real risk, logging back in. Will you emergency warp back to a gate full of hostiles? Or will you warp back to a clear gate? It depends on which hostiles and which situation you find yourself in. But a good general rule to follow is to wait at least 15 minutes after logging out before you log back in. By that time the hostiles would have scattered in fear of your corp and/or alliance storming to your aid so that you can log back in and play the game as it was meant to be played(farming ISK).

That wraps it up for my short guide on logging out. I wish you all safe(and i mean safe, soooo safe that you never get killed) travels!


/me logs off the EVE forums to become invulnerable to the flames that the ebil pirate trolls will invariably reply with Wink

LaCoHa
The Carebear Stare
Posted - 2006.11.02 00:05:00 - [2]
 

haha.

nice post.

Very Happy


Ephemeron
Caldari Provisions
Posted - 2006.11.02 05:56:00 - [3]
 

funny, but you did miss some pretty important log off/on tricks.

Glumpumpkin
House Elf Liberation Front
Posted - 2006.11.02 07:30:00 - [4]
 

Originally by: Ephemeron
funny, but you did miss some pretty important log off/on tricks.


Save them for one of the other 5 threads on the topic ;)

Thanks for the writeup this will come in very handy for me once kali hits and I transport my hundreds of t2 BPCs from empire to 0.0 in a plated hauler.

Noluck Ned
Vanishing Point.
The Initiative.
Posted - 2006.11.02 07:38:00 - [5]
 

At last!
A post on this subject which is actually intended to be humerous instead of serious.

Applause


Vladmirr
The Taining corp
Knights Of the Southerncross
Posted - 2006.11.02 07:40:00 - [6]
 

rofl

thats actually pretty funny Very Happy


David H'Levi
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2006.11.02 09:01:00 - [7]
 

I predict a perma-ban mazz.

mazzilliu
Caldari
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2006.11.02 15:52:00 - [8]
 

Originally by: David H'Levi
I predict a perma-ban mazz.


nevar!
i'm invincible Very Happy because i can just log off

not amused
Posted - 2006.11.02 16:05:00 - [9]
 

ALT-F4 doesnt work noob :-P

T'Renn
Silver Snake Enterprise
Posted - 2006.11.06 15:59:00 - [10]
 

Epic. I freaking hate loggers too.

Crumplecorn
Gallente
Eve Cluster Explorations
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:30:00 - [11]
 

Originally by: mazzilliu
Over-use is known as "quitting EVE"
LaughingLaughingLaughingLaughingLaughing

hydraSlav
Synergy Evolved
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:34:00 - [12]
 

I applaud your efforts Wink

Mr Ninjaface
Minmatar
Shurekin INC
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:34:00 - [13]
 

People like you are the reason that, loging in combat is becoming more and more frequent I hope you fall down a steep embankment Evil or Very Mad

Nigh7F0x
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:45:00 - [14]
 

Originally by: Mr Ninjaface
People like you are the reason that, loging in combat is becoming more and more frequent I hope you fall down a steep embankment Evil or Very Mad


you should really read the OP...rather funneh

Taram Caldar
Royal Black Watch Highlanders
Warped Aggression
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:46:00 - [15]
 

Originally by: not amused
ALT-F4 doesnt work noob :-P


*snickers*
I think he knows that Laughing

Solarienne
Caldari
Bite me inc.
Narwhals Ate My Duck
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:46:00 - [16]
 

Hmm I think Ninjaface needs to finish training 'Humour Level One' before posting again ;).

Nice post :P Though I hope that advice is taken by some upstanding citizen in my neighbourhood, who knows that it is always safer to log off scrammed Twisted Evil

Great post and a good change of pace from the usual whines.

Solarienne

Angxia
Gallente
The Scope
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:47:00 - [17]
 

I see what you did there...

Pia Domina
Posted - 2006.11.06 16:49:00 - [18]
 

Originally by: Mr Ninjaface
People like you are the reason that, loging in combat is becoming more and more frequent I hope you fall down a steep embankment Evil or Very Mad


Error detected in player. Please install senseofhumor.exe and reboot.

Tsanse Kinske
WeMeanYouKnowHarm
Posted - 2006.11.06 17:09:00 - [19]
 

Question: If I log in and out 29 times in a row and I still lose my ship Crying or Very sad can I petition?

Warrio
Goonswarm Federation
Posted - 2006.11.06 17:10:00 - [20]
 

omg! ty 4 makin the guide lol!!!!1 I hav a Nvy Raven that I do misions in at 0.4 securty space will this still work there?!?!? wud be gr8 if it did cause al the BM's in my cargo take up soooo much room lolol!!
PLZ GIV THIS A STICKIE PLZ GM!!

xoxo

mazzilliu
Caldari
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2006.11.06 18:30:00 - [21]
 

Edited by: mazzilliu on 06/11/2006 18:34:29
Originally by: Mr Ninjaface
People like you are the reason that, loging in combat is becoming more and more frequent I hope you fall down a steep embankment Evil or Very Mad


it is my highest hope that people who log out in combat follow the techniques outlined in my guide.

as for a steep embankment, well i did fall out of bed this morning... i suppose that is close enough.

Originally by: Tsanse Kinske
Question: If I log in and out 29 times in a row and I still lose my ship Crying or Very sad can I petition?


i think, technically, you can still petition and not get banned for it. since the new standard of behavior is guided by what you will and will not get banned for, why not?


i was going to add a short bonus guide for log-in traps, but unfortunately posts can only be so long and i neglected to reserve a post directly underneath. sigh.

Shamis Orzoz
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2006.11.06 23:28:00 - [22]
 

Originally by: Taram Caldar
Originally by: not amused
ALT-F4 doesnt work noob :-P


*snickers*
I think he knows that Laughing


I'm sure SHE knows that. She is the queen of all that is evil, and we love her for it Very Happy

Lo3d3R
Mos Eisley Social Club
Posted - 2006.11.06 23:47:00 - [23]
 

press CTRL-Q to log out and better login every 3 minutes otherwise the scanprobes get ya, hf camping haulers in 0.0 guys Very Happy

Lala Ru
Gallente
Di-Tron Heavy Industries
Atlas Alliance
Posted - 2006.11.08 00:13:00 - [24]
 

Depending on how your computer is setup physically, reaching down and unplugging the network cable works just as well. You won't have to worry about your computer freezing up or delays due to inferior hardware. Then again, that's an advanced tip and you should only use it once you're confertable with logging out conventionally.

Tsanse Kinske
WeMeanYouKnowHarm
Posted - 2006.11.08 00:18:00 - [25]
 

Proof that Ren and Stimpy was ahead of its time...

What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!

It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!

mazzilliu
Caldari
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2006.11.08 01:33:00 - [26]
 

Originally by: Lala Ru
Depending on how your computer is setup physically, reaching down and unplugging the network cable works just as well. You won't have to worry about your computer freezing up or delays due to inferior hardware. Then again, that's an advanced tip and you should only use it once you're confertable with logging out conventionally.


actually there is an even more advanced method. It is more effective and I suggest players use it.

look at the back of your computer, and locate the big box that your power cables plug into. Open up the computer case and remove the box(usually black and metal) and remove all cables from it. you may have to use a wirecutter.

get a screwdriver and open up the box, ignore the stickers that mentioning voiding the warranty they were put there because pirates whined and ccp gave in.

locate something inside the box that looks like this. The wirey bits sticking out might be attached to a board or something. anyways, touch one wire with your right hand, and touch the other wire with your left hand, and if everything works properly, pirates will no longer bother you.

king jks
Xenobytes
Stain Empire
Posted - 2006.11.08 02:12:00 - [27]
 

Originally by: mazzilliu
Originally by: Lala Ru
Depending on how your computer is setup physically, reaching down and unplugging the network cable works just as well. You won't have to worry about your computer freezing up or delays due to inferior hardware. Then again, that's an advanced tip and you should only use it once you're confertable with logging out conventionally.


actually there is an even more advanced method. It is more effective and I suggest players use it.

look at the back of your computer, and locate the big box that your power cables plug into. Open up the computer case and remove the box(usually black and metal) and remove all cables from it. you may have to use a wirecutter.

get a screwdriver and open up the box, ignore the stickers that mentioning voiding the warranty they were put there because pirates whined and ccp gave in.

locate something inside the box that looks like this. The wirey bits sticking out might be attached to a board or something. anyways, touch one wire with your right hand, and touch the other wire with your left hand, and if everything works properly, pirates will no longer bother you.


Licking your fingers first will increase the chances of this working.

Raef Ruoy
Caldari
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2006.11.09 03:14:00 - [28]
 

Very Happy

Scall McLean
Another Bloomin Corp
Posted - 2006.11.09 09:30:00 - [29]
 

^^ That's going a little too far, and considering things I've seen on these forums... People probably WOULD do it.

The guide was a killer though (pun intended), it took me a few seconds to realise the satirical nature of the guide though, good job :)


Smagd
Encina Technologies
Namtz' aar K'in
Posted - 2006.11.09 11:48:00 - [30]
 

Look folks, I'm trying really hard to fake additional realistic tricks or maybe outrage to make this thread appear more genuine, but I can't for all the laughing.


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