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Hae t'Redd
Isonami Syndicate
Posted - 2007.11.02 22:33:00 - [151]
 

What's tall, pale and useless on a woman?

A Gallente

Arekhon
Eternal Perseverance
B A N E
Posted - 2007.11.03 10:19:00 - [152]
 

A brutor child is gong for a cookie and spills flour on himself.He thinks to himself "I look like an Amarrian."

He goes to his siblings and says "look i'm an amarrian" and they beat him like one, and say go tell your parents.

He goes to his parents and says " look I'm an Amarrian" and they beat him like one, and say go tell your elders.

He goes to his elders (if they are not still slaves, lol) and says "look I'm an Amarrian" and they beat him and tell him to anounce if front of the tribe what he has learned.

The child says "I've been an Amarrian for 15 minutes and if I had slaver hounds here you'd all be dead!1"


Number 17
Caldari
COLD-Wing
Posted - 2007.11.03 11:01:00 - [153]
 

A Gallente and a Brutor are running from the slavers, on their way they enter a barn, realizing they had nowhere to go. They hide inside big sacks. When the slavers enter the barn they start searching everywhere.
Coming upon the two big bags, they hit the one with the galente inside it, the gallente starts making wobbling and farting sounds so the slavers say "Oh, its only a bag of fedos", se they leave it alone.
They come up to the second bag, with the Brutor inside and hit it with a stick, and the brutor goes: "potatoes!".

Ardan
Minmatar
Re-Awakened Technologies Inc
Electus Matari
Posted - 2007.11.03 12:00:00 - [154]
 

So an amarr Priest, a Caldari CEO, and a Matari Shaman are all in a boat enjoying the ancient and relaxing art of fishing. The Matari says "I have to go to the bathroom." Jumps out of the boat runs accross the lake, goes to ther rest room and runs back accross the lake to the boat. The Caldari says "Now I have to go." Gets up runs accross the lake, uses the bathroom and runs back to the boat.

The amarr Priest is thinking these godless heathens cant show me up, I am a man of God! He says "I shall now go to the rest room." He steps out of the boat and sinks like a rock.

The Matari looks at the Caldari and says "Man, I am glad you didn't tell him where the rocks are."

To which the Caldari replies "No problem, where's my 20 ISK?"


Unworldly
Posted - 2007.11.03 17:09:00 - [155]
 

A dwarf Gallente woman goes to the Doctor, and complains of a terrible itching 'down there'.
The doctor says "Okay, fine, let me take a look." And he ducks his head under her skirt and after a few seconds says "Ah ha! I can help you." He grabs a pair of scissors and the gallente woman hears snip snip snip snip. After a minute or so, the doctor asks her "How's that feel? Better?"
"No," she replies, "it still itches like crazy!"
"Hmm..." replies the doctor, and ducks under the skirt with his scissors again, and the snip snip snip snip noises begin again.
After another minute the Gallente woman says to the doctor "That's much better! Whatever did you do?"
And the doctor replies "I trimmed the top of your ugg-boots."

Amastat
Caldari
Blue Ring Defence
Posted - 2007.11.11 10:21:00 - [156]
 

Reports have reached public attention to the citizens of EVE that the Minmitar Republic is in a "Chaotic State of Panic and Disarray." Republic Fleet has scrambled fighters and battle fleets to defend their home world of Brutor from a recently deployed Amarrian super weapon.

"Those Amarr just don't get it. They can throw all the punches they want at us, we Minmatar are strong willed and won't submit to these petty fear tactics," said a Republic Fleet Admiral. "We won't go down without a fight."

At 10:03 Brutor time the Republic Fleet awaited the Amarr weapon to arrive in system. The Amarrian's secret weapon, designed to completely annihilate the people of Brutor, was almost in strike range. "God... help us all" said a Minmatar freedom fighter.

A massive fleet of 10 mile long soap bars was on a intercept course for Brutor. Republic Fleet started opening fire on the bathroom products, but all weapons were rendered useless by the weapon. Some Minmitar fighters attempted to sacrifice themselves by slamming their ships into the soap bars, but they only passed through to the other side, completely twisted, distorted, undone.

"Horrible, it was all horrible" Proclaimed a crewman on one of the suicide fighter ships that had survived the ordeal. "Look - when I rub my arm, it squeeks.... It SQUEEKS. Why, what did we do to deserve this?!"

12:40 Brutor time the entire Minmitar fleet was in full retreat or completely destroyed. The large fleet of soap bars have hit Brutor. Everything, not that there was much of anything in the first place, was left in ruins. It is projected that the soap fallout will make Brutor smell like "Irish Spring Fresh" for at least 1,000 years.

Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
Posted - 2007.11.11 15:19:00 - [157]
 

You might be an Amarrian if...

... you refer to a courier mission as a "pilgrimage".
... your guns require more energy for one volley than a Minmatar ship requires for one week of operation.
... your guns don't do as much damage in one week as a Minmatar ship does in one volley.
... you believe "Tea strainer" is a job description.
... you have never read the Scriptures cover-to-cover.
... most of your crew have.
... most of them are illiterate.
... the contents of your ship's cargo bay could make enough jewelry to supply half of a small continent.
... the hull of your ship could be used to supply the other half.
... your crew can pronounce "Ardishapur" better than you can.
... you have never heard a Gallente rock song.
... most of your crew have.
... you still talk about Gallente rock in angry terms.
... you have logged more hours writing sermons on GalNet than you have in active combat.
... your ship often gets blown up.
... your ship often gets blown up by Minmatar.
... your ship often gets blown up by Minmatar frigates.

Ottom Ephesianos
Amarr
Mirkur Draug'Tyr
Posted - 2007.12.22 19:01:00 - [158]
 

Three Amarr walk into a bar.

::wham! wham! wham!::

Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
Posted - 2007.12.22 19:39:00 - [159]
 

You might be a Caldari if...

... you describe blue as a feeling, rather than a colour.
... you become paralytic with fear at the sight of a flashlight.
... Titans can instantly lock your frigate.
... you believe that a laser light show is an accurate depiction of Hell.

Garion Avarr
Amarr
Adhocracy Incorporated
Posted - 2007.12.23 01:18:00 - [160]
 

I heard this from a friend:

An Ardisharpur priest, a Sarumite holy man, and a Tash-Murkon preacher were discussing collection money and how to split it between the church's funds and charity.

The Ardisharpur guy says, "I draw a circle on the ground, and then I throw all the money in the air. What lands in the circle is for me to keep the church running with, the rest goes to the poor."

The Sarumite says, "Huh, I do it the other way around - the stuff outside the circle's mine, and the stuff inside goes to the poor."

The guy from tash laughs at this. After a giood long laugh, he says, "You other churches are pretty funny guys. Here's what I do -- I throw the money in the air, and what God wants, he keeps."

Saraith Narr
Amarr
PIE Inc.
Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris
Posted - 2007.12.23 08:28:00 - [161]
 

Andreus Ixiris walks into a bar. Everyone else leaves.

Mad Scorpion
Minmatar
Raiders of the Open Stars
Posted - 2007.12.23 16:37:00 - [162]
 

What do you call a self-sufficient, free thinking Amarr:
A) Heretic

What do you call an Ammatar who no longer wants Amarr support:
A) Dead

What do you call the hardest working person in the Amarr Empire:
A) Slave

What is the most endangered species in the universe:
A) Amarr Emperor


Mad Scorpion
Minmatar
Raiders of the Open Stars
Posted - 2007.12.23 16:59:00 - [163]
 

So Admiral Saracen is giving orders to his various Captains.

Captain Invictus, I have a special mission for you. Our intelligence has located the exact position of a Defiant rebel. Take your squadron of battleships and support ships and burn him in Gods holy light of your lasers.

Later that day a sole survivor gasped out his report to the Admiral.

Admiral, all ships were lost in a savage battle. There was not a Defiant there, it was a trap. There was TWO of them.




Major Bahitairv
Posted - 2007.12.23 21:46:00 - [164]
 

How many Minmatars can you fit in a Jettison can!

None, John West rejected them!Wink

Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
Posted - 2007.12.23 21:49:00 - [165]
 

Originally by: Saraith Narr
Andreus Ixiris walks into a bar. Everyone else leaves.


Saraith Narr walks into a bar. After all the jokes we've had along this line already, you feel sure he should have seen it coming.

Magnus Nordir
Caldari
Nordir Industries
Posted - 2007.12.23 23:35:00 - [166]
 

What's the difference between a minmatar and a slaver hound's feaces?
One of them turns white and stops smelling after a few days.

Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
Posted - 2007.12.24 00:47:00 - [167]
 

What's the difference between Amarrians and Serpentis?

Serpentis only hear voices when they're on Drop.

Cmdr Baxter
The Synenose Accord
Celestial Imperative
Posted - 2007.12.24 00:54:00 - [168]
 

Edited by: Cmdr Baxter on 24/12/2007 00:55:23
Two Minmatar got themselves a job at an industrial plant. Just before lunch on their first day one of them yelped "I've burned my hand!"

"Have you now?" asked the other one. "How did you do it?"

"Well, I touched this big red thing like thi - ... OW! I did it again!!!"

Aeroxe
Minmatar
AWE Corporation
Posted - 2007.12.24 11:18:00 - [169]
 

An Amarr Captain is cruising in deep space. All of a sudden a BS jumps in and locks on him.
"Ensign, bring me my red shirt!" The ensign runs off, get it, and the Captain puts on his shirt.
After the battle the Ensign asks the Captain, "Why did you want a red shirt?"
The Captain replies, "If I was wounded in battle my men would not see my blood and be discouraged. Inspired by the Captain's courage, the Ensign returns to his post.
A few days later, they are cruising in deep space, when this time, 4 BS jump in and lock on to the Captain's ship.
"Ensign!", hollers the Captain.
The ensign runs over, "Yes, Sir!"
"Bring me my brown pants!"

Pharos Dei
Amarr
Viziam
Posted - 2007.12.24 11:47:00 - [170]
 


Q: How do you starve a minmatar?

A: You hide his foodstamps under his workboots!


Three things a brutor cant get:

1. A black eye
2. A fat lip
3. A job


Q: What would a real amarrian emperor do if he would rise to power again?

A: Kill ALL the minmatar, and ONE clown!
Q: Why the clown?
A: See noone gives a damn about minmatar.

Magnus Nordir
Caldari
Nordir Industries
Posted - 2007.12.24 13:43:00 - [171]
 

A Gallentean, a minmatar, an Amarr and a Caldari were competing in a 100 meters sprint.

The Caldari finished the run at 9.93 seconds.
The amarr was still praying for victory ten minutes after the start.
The gallente couldn't make it to the finish line.
The minmatar got lost on the track.

VD ThatsNotRight
Various Disease
Posted - 2007.12.26 03:04:00 - [172]
 

Two Brutors are both beggars at several stations in the middle of Caldari space.

The first Brutor flys a faction kitted Tempest lives in huge quarters and has a lot of
isk to spend .

The second Brutor only brings a few thousand ISK a day. So the second Brutor ask`s the first how he manages
to bring home so much ISK a day.
The first Brutor replies, "Look at your sign, . It says, "I have no work, a wife and
six kids to support."
Caldari who see that do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by
giving you money.

You will still have no job and a large family.

Now look at my sign."

So the second Brutor looks at the sign, it reads:

"I only need another 2 million ISK to pay my transport fare to Matar"

Stitcher
Caldari
Posted - 2007.12.26 23:29:00 - [173]
 

Originally by: Andreus Ixiris
I've got a better idea.

Q. What's tragic about an Amarrian dying in a shuttle crash?
A. A shuttle can hold at least twenty of them.


Q: What's funny about twenty Minmatar dying in a shuttle crash?
A: Nothing. They were my friends. It's a goddamn tragedy.

Mortter
Caldari
Revenent Defence Corperation
Posted - 2007.12.28 13:57:00 - [174]
 

How do you find Minmatar in your system?
Follow the Oil Spill the ship leaves.

Gilbert Elsmere
Caldari
Posted - 2007.12.29 19:08:00 - [175]
 

CONCORD is doing a survey on whether the people of the EVE cluster consider sex work or play.

The CONCORD surveyor first asks a Gallentean. The Gallentean responds by saying "Its way too much fun to be work! It has to be play!"

Duly noting the Gallentean response, the surveyor goes on to ask a Caldari, who says "Well, I think it is the duty of every Caldari to ensure that the State has another generation to grow up and uphold our values... Yeah, I think its work."

Finally, the surveyor asks an Amarrian whether he thinks sex is work or play. His answer? "Well, if its work, maybe I can get a Brutor to do it for me..."

Katsuo Achura
Caldari
101st Templar Knights
Posted - 2008.01.14 07:04:00 - [176]
 

Edited by: Katsuo Achura on 14/01/2008 07:06:58
Edited by: Katsuo Achura on 14/01/2008 07:06:22
A disturbing rumor began spreading throughout the known universe that a enormous mobile battle station was being built by the Blood Raider's to exact revenge on all the races for the constant killing of their soldiers. The rumor was too dangerous to ignore so each race sent one of their best Battleships to the last known location in a joint operation. As each representative pulled into there respective best range, they were shocked to find the rumor to be true. After each ship had gotten the go ahead to attack, the sight of large turret and heavy missile fire streaking across space toward the station was awe inspiring.The station also began to fire and put up a strong defense, but in the end the Blood Raider Battle station started to explode. Unfortunately the explosion was greater than any had anticipated as it quickly expanded at an alarming rate. It finally started to dissipate just after 200km but not before it reached the slow and cumbersome battleships. The violent explosion tore through shield, armor and structure like a knife through warm butter. It was a dark day as all hands were lost............

Well all accept for the Caldari of course, His Rokh was 250km away.....ROFLMAO Laughing

Di0 Boli
Wincewind Corporation
Posted - 2008.01.16 02:25:00 - [177]
 

Two minmatar are hard at work in a Bestower's waste tanks.
One turns to the other and says: "Hey, aren't you worried about this Mad Minmatar thing?"
The other turns around and says: "Why should I care? I'm Amarr!"
And then they both get beaten for slacking, insolence, and attempting to impersonate an Amarr.
---

Why is a Minmatar tall, tan, and covered in scars?

If it was short, pale, and immaculate, it'd be an Amarr!
---

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A minmatar.

A minmatar? Hon! Fetch the whip, we've got us an escape-ee!

Ezekial Alexander
Caldari
Capital Destruction
R.A.G.E
Posted - 2008.01.16 06:12:00 - [178]
 

Edited by: Ezekial Alexander on 16/01/2008 06:46:38
So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space.

"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing.

So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target.

"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up.

"Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!"

And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target.

"Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams.

At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Megathron the Gallente is flying, killing him instantly.

And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims...

"Goddamnit, I missed!"

Quote:
Fanboy is a pejorative term used to describe an individual who is utterly devoted to a single subject, or to a single point of view within that subject, often to the point where it is considered an obsession. Fanboys remain loyal to their particular obsession, disregarding any factors (often including logic) that differ from their point of view.


GOD HATES FANBOYS
Amarr Deficio

PS: The Jovians popped out of the same rift and blew up the Apoc a few seconds later. Ever wonder where God got those weapons from?

Tarkan Kador
Amarr
PanTarkan Kador Holdings
Posted - 2008.01.16 08:50:00 - [179]
 

A Brutor slave takes his girlfriend to his Amarr master. The Brutor says, "My girlfriend is good in bed, and I'll let you have her, but in exchange, you have to set me free."

The Amarr says, "That sounds fair, so I'll make you a deal. If I have sex with her and I like it, I'll make her my slave, and set you free." The Brutor says, "no problem." Fifteen minutes later the Amarr returns and says, "I don't know if I want to trade. You see, she is pretty good, but my wife is better. Besides, my wife would kill me if she knew" The Brutor says, "let me check her out for myself, because she might be having a bad day. If she isn't the best, I'll call the whole thing off, and you can keep me here."

Two hours later, the Brutor returns and says, "It looks like I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. You were right. My girlfriend is good, but your wife is better."

Andreus Ixiris
Gallente
Mixed Metaphor
Posted - 2008.01.16 15:05:00 - [180]
 

Originally by: Ezekial Alexander
Edited by: Ezekial Alexander on 16/01/2008 06:46:38
So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space.

"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing.

So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target.

"Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up.

"Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!"

And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target.

"Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams.

At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Megathron the Gallente is flying, killing him instantly.

And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims...

"Goddamnit, I missed!"




Hey, you stole that one from me! It's in this very thread!


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