Posted - 2011.08.18 17:44:00 - [1
Edited by: Pok Nibin on 18/08/2011 17:46:40
Welcome, everyone. Welcome. Welcome to a session of the Mission of Unbridled Greed. Please, I want everyone to close their eyes. Close your eyes and look into your hearts for it is the only way to clearly see the truth that lies before us. You. In the back. Yeah you. Close your damned eyes. Thank you.
Oh lord of the massive New Eden hear us as we cry out to you, for we are your faithful for whom all things must be made as we would have them with no regard to contradiction and logical conundrum. Turn this universe into a playpen that meets all our wishes and desires!
Bring back the balance, oh Lord of EVE. Bring it back so our efforts may become effortless and our thoughts totally unnecessary. Reach deeply into the great tube sock of your creation. Reach deeply with your mighty arm until you grasp the toe and give it a mighty yank! Turn it inside out! We beseech thee, so that high-sec becomes null-sec and null-sec becomes high-sec for this is the only way fairness and equality shall reign supreme in mighty New Eden!
Bring the balance back, oh Lord of EVE. Make all weapons relatively equal, but make ours mightier than our enemies. Let our projectiles and energy beams rip through our enemies' shields as though they were butter, but let theirs put barely a dent in ours. For, we your faithful deserve victory after victory, ransom after ransom in thy name. May our enemies see thy light in one huge explosion to wake up in a station far, next to their n00b ship in which they so rightfully belong. Though, grant them the prosperity to return to us in ships filled with fat loot so we may once again obtain our righteous due when we send them back to you continuing thy cycle of growth and maturation so this sandbox we call EVE may perpetually evolve into greatness worthy of thy name!
Bring back the balance, oh Lord, so the nets we cast of warp scram bubbles may snare the hapless travelers preventing them from journeying further into the depths of thy domain. For, though contrary to the basic construction of physical reality as we know it, it is the only way we are assured of denying the movement of people into your extended universe. And, hear our complaints about how lonely it is, and desolate, and boring it is out here where we roam, as we cauterize any hope of those who wish to join us here!
As for our futures, oh mighty one, please add toilet facilities to our captains' quarters so we may at last urinate to ease the eternal wiggling in our seats as we endlessly jump from system to system. May the tinkling of our urine into thy great bowl bring to us the image of your great glory and oneness with all things while at the same time creating a great purpose for our quarters at last.
And here, our thoughtless prayers at last wander to those among us whom we call Care Bears. Show them the ways of their industry bring but shame to our peoples. Show them the way to true oneness with thy power is through the act of wanton destruction. Make their asteroids impotent. Make their industry barren until there is nothing left on the market to replace all we've lost as we've endeavored to spread thy wisdom of eternal violence, that they may wander out to regions where we don't want anyone but ourselves to be, and we may add them to our ever growing killboards.
Finally, oh gracious giver of thrust, may our community be enriched by only our posts appearing on the forums, with all responses singing praises of our glorious truths. May our points of view be the only points of view and may all who would deign have a thought of their own have their keyboards turn before them into a pile of molten plastic. For, it is our will we would see come to fruition.
In your name we pray...the only true EVEsters.