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blankseplocked To those who have not yet purchased a monocle+Monocle owners
 
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Grog Barrel
Posted - 2011.06.24 16:41:00 - [31]
 

Edited by: Grog Barrel on 24/06/2011 16:41:00
Originally by: Darius III
Edited by: Darius III on 24/06/2011 13:51:18
If you have not yet purchased a monocle, I think you are pubbie scum who are not worthy of the attentions of such grand and noble folk who possess one. Sure I was mad at CCP at first, but after careful consideration, I decided that until I had worn the monocle, I could not judge. I assumed that the experience would only highlight the poor choice by CCP to price them out of reach of most players. It was after careful consideration, in my opinion, that I needed a monocle to see for myself if my assumption that they were overpriced was correct.

I assure you gentlemen and commoners alike-the monocle is indeed a good value. After purchasing my monocle, I had a most exquisite sense of empowerment. Nary a day goes buy that I do not relish and cherish the experience. It has indeed added value to my subscription and my perception of Eve Online. The act of donning the monocle has improved my self esteem, attracted copious amounts of the fairer sex, and-preliminary reports are suggesting-that it has improved the fuel economy of my automobile. Further, my male organ appears to have been getting larger. I visited my private physician, and much to his surprise, it seems to have cured my chronic syphilis as well as having improved my vocabulary.

I implore thee, other owners of such masterfully crafted eyewear-make yourselves known, that we may, as a group, extoll the virtues of ownership of such an exquisite, yet fashionable gem as the eyepiece provided to us by our peers at CCP. I have made it known to my alliance that I will in fact no longer take orders from any of the other directors who are not similarly attired with the looking glass.

To you masses of filthy commoners who aspire to obtain, yet cannot afford the monocle, I give you a message: You are beneath the dirt on my precision boots. I would need a telescope to look so far down upon your writhing unwashed masses that in fact, I get vertigo just thinking about it. You commoners should refrain from posting about your unhappiness and return to mining veldspar or whatever it is you do with your time and leave forum posting to those of us literate and considerate enough to behave like true gentlemen whilst visiting these forums. I order you, my un-monocled vassals, to return to the fields at once and resume your toil and peasantry. That is all, consider yourselves dismissed, Your high lord an Emperor, CSM Darius III

Additionally I would like to state, at the bequest of a particularily informed commoner, my belief that "As for Helicity, she was the weakest link, and has thus been eliminated" I dare say had she purchased a monocle, her masters at CCP (my peers) may have showed more leniency towards her. Since she is not similarly bespectacled however she got what she deserved. No begone, rabble and commoners alike!


9/10

edit: also headshot.

Darius III
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
Posted - 2011.06.24 23:57:00 - [32]
 

Originally by: Apocryphal Noise
Nice satire.


Please do not mistake my genuine sentiment sir for satire. Until such time as I see you similarly bespectacled, I don't even respect your opinion anyway. Trust me, your whole life will improve once you don the fashionable eyewear as I have.

NeoShocker
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
Posted - 2011.06.25 04:07:00 - [33]
 

LAWL Darius, I seriously thought you were trolling when you told me on mumble, but seeing your avatar with the monocle, you wasn't kidding, lol

Ingvar Angst
Amarr
Nasty Pope Holding Corp
Talocan United
Posted - 2011.06.25 04:09:00 - [34]
 

Is it me, or does the monacle look like someone smacked a Terminator on the back of the head, popped an eye out and jammed it onto your face?

A simple glass one would look much better.

Nullity
Gallente
Posted - 2011.06.25 04:13:00 - [35]
 

I wish I was good enough for a monocle. Sad

Zeko Rena
Caldari
Tankt
Posted - 2011.06.25 04:15:00 - [36]
 

I thought being a pod pilot made me a god among normal men in the universe but according to CCP now i need a monocle as well :(

Darius III
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
Posted - 2011.06.25 05:20:00 - [37]
 

Originally by: NeoShocker
LAWL Darius, I seriously thought you were trolling when you told me on mumble, but seeing your avatar with the monocle, you wasn't kidding, lol


Meh. You have no idea of the power and respect I command now that I am properly bespectacled. D3

PS You are a scrub, like every other Sneetch without a "star on thars"

Rexxov
Posted - 2011.06.25 05:47:00 - [38]
 

Might I say sir, that in fact the eyepiece looks stunning on you. I daresay none of the other CSM have supported CCP by purchasing such a splendid and fashionable bauble. Thier loss. Also, your Syphilis is cured? Does that mean my mother can look forward to seeing you again? She really misses you....

Darius III
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
Posted - 2011.06.26 03:03:00 - [39]
 

Originally by: Rexxov
Might I say sir, that in fact the eyepiece looks stunning on you. I daresay none of the other CSM have supported CCP by purchasing such a splendid and fashionable bauble. Thier loss. Also, your Syphilis is cured? Does that mean my mother can look forward to seeing you again? She really misses you....


Please don't troll me, me.

Aerion Va'rr
Caldari Provisions
Posted - 2011.06.27 08:44:00 - [40]
 

Originally by: Brooks Puuntai
Originally by: enterprisePSI
Confirming that if i where to receive an anonymous donation of 4 plex, i will immediately get a monocle.


You would think that either:

-4 Months of playtime
-1 Fully fit rigged carrier
-1 Dreadnaught
-2 t2 BSs
-30 t1 BSs
-16 t2 cruisers

Would be a better use of those plexes. Just saying.

*Figures are a rough estimate and maybe slightly off.


One could also stand to reason, that the people wearing a monocle in game, didn't purchase the PLEX with cash, and instead ISK... since they might already have a fully fitted/rigged super, dread, and all the subcap **** they'd ever need.

Theres tons of old money in this game, and the people with those wallets have run out of things to by years ago.

Christine Peeveepeeski
Rodents of Unusual Size
Posted - 2011.06.27 16:54:00 - [41]
 

Hmm I don't have a monocle but I'm saving to own one. I foolishly went and bought 500 rifters to pew with but now realise I should in fact have bought a monocle because for ISK-Tear ratio it's the strongest bang for buck right now by far.

Darius, before you wore that monocle I thought you a loud mouthed C+P troll. Now, wearing the monocle I realise just how amazing you actually are. How wrong could I have been over someone :( FORGIVE ME!

In fact, I am sorely tempted to just buy it straight with plex bought with actual money... just because I can. That said..... the real price is just to ******ed. Better a noob buy a plex... sell it for isk, buy his CNR or whatever and I buy his plex with ISK and get me some monocle action!


Jill Busa
Posted - 2011.06.27 17:08:00 - [42]
 

Edited by: Jill Busa on 27/06/2011 17:17:12
Originally by: Darius III
Edited by: Darius III on 24/06/2011 13:51:18
If you have not yet purchased a monocle, I think you are pubbie scum who are not worthy of the attentions of such grand and noble folk who possess one. Sure I was mad at CCP at first, but after careful consideration, I decided that until I had worn the monocle, I could not judge. I assumed that the experience would only highlight the poor choice by CCP to price them out of reach of most players. It was after careful consideration, in my opinion, that I needed a monocle to see for myself if my assumption that they were overpriced was correct.

I assure you gentlemen and commoners alike-the monocle is indeed a good value. After purchasing my monocle, I had a most exquisite sense of empowerment. Nary a day goes buy that I do not relish and cherish the experience. It has indeed added value to my subscription and my perception of Eve Online. The act of donning the monocle has improved my self esteem, attracted copious amounts of the fairer sex, and-preliminary reports are suggesting-that it has improved the fuel economy of my automobile. Further, my male organ appears to have been getting larger. I visited my private physician, and much to his surprise, it seems to have cured my chronic syphilis as well as having improved my vocabulary.

I implore thee, other owners of such masterfully crafted eyewear-make yourselves known, that we may, as a group, extoll the virtues of ownership of such an exquisite, yet fashionable gem as the eyepiece provided to us by our peers at CCP. I have made it known to my alliance that I will in fact no longer take orders from any of the other directors who are not similarly attired with the looking glass.

To you masses of filthy commoners who aspire to obtain, yet cannot afford the monocle, I give you a message: You are beneath the dirt on my precision boots. I would need a telescope to look so far down upon your writhing unwashed masses that in fact, I get vertigo just thinking about it. You commoners should refrain from posting about your unhappiness and return to mining veldspar or whatever it is you do with your time and leave forum posting to those of us literate and considerate enough to behave like true gentlemen whilst visiting these forums. I order you, my un-monocled vassals, to return to the fields at once and resume your toil and peasantry. That is all, consider yourselves dismissed, Your high lord an Emperor, CSM Darius III

Additionally I would like to state, at the bequest of a particularily informed commoner, my belief that "As for Helicity, she was the weakest link, and has thus been eliminated" I dare say had she purchased a monocle, her masters at CCP (my peers) may have showed more leniency towards her. Since she is not similarly bespectacled however she got what she deserved. No begone, rabble and commoners alike!


Patrick Stewart would be proud. I actually imagined him wearing the monocle (a'la Borg), saying all these lines. Fun. Wink

Originally by: Darius III
Meh. You have no idea of the power and respect I command now that I am properly bespectacled. D3


Oh, and kind Sir, thou art not bespectacled but merely monocled. Laughing

Saint Lazarus
Pwn 'N Play
Chaos Theory Alliance
Posted - 2011.06.27 17:37:00 - [43]
 

Man I'm tempted buy a monocle.

Crumplecorn
Gallente
Eve Cluster Explorations
Posted - 2011.06.27 17:40:00 - [44]
 

I'm wearing two monocles ATM, and now I see things from CCP's perspective.

RiskyFrisky
Interrobang Inc.
Posted - 2011.06.27 17:41:00 - [45]
 

Edited by: RiskyFrisky on 27/06/2011 17:42:17
Cool story brah.

At least you aren't hiding behind an alt like everyone else who were/are anti-protest.

P.S. I wear an Irish hat backwards in real life. Makes me way cooler than any of those who bought a monocle.

Diet Water
Posted - 2011.06.27 17:44:00 - [46]
 

All this whining about the monocles makes me wish I had the cash in/out of game to buy one, just to add to the outrage and maybe to get a bounty on my head so my main can claim it over and over.

Juliyaa
Posted - 2011.06.27 17:47:00 - [47]
 

I wholeheartedly agree with this message.

I will send some of my man slaves to slavage your filthy little vessels in Amarr and Jita.

Long Live the Monocle Aristocracy!

Minigin
Genos Occidere
HYDRA RELOADED
Posted - 2011.06.27 18:09:00 - [48]
 

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

Juliyaa
Posted - 2011.06.27 18:17:00 - [49]
 

Originally by: Minigin
We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed

We are the angry mob
We read the papers everyday day
We like who like
We hate who we hate
But we're also easily swayed



Beware the proletariat.

Riddaion
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
Posted - 2011.06.28 05:04:00 - [50]
 

On this most glorious occasion of my first and only, post on the forums - I would like publicly state my full and complete support of both Darius III and his monocle.

Craven Aleros
Posted - 2011.06.28 05:12:00 - [51]
 

Mug spotted

Comy 1
Ore Mongers
Indecisive Certainty
Posted - 2011.06.28 05:38:00 - [52]
 

Edited by: Comy 1 on 28/06/2011 07:25:51

It makes me happy to know that my old associates are intelligent enough to do the only viable thing and join the monocle crowd. After taking Ore Mongers out of BricK sQuAD. we were lost without a cause, and I couldn't understand why. Now I know, and I'm making sure that everyone that want to stay in Ore Mongers do the only right thing and buy a monocle. Everyone else will be shown the door.

Maman Brigitte
Licentia Ex Vereor
Intergalactic Exports Group
Posted - 2011.06.28 05:40:00 - [53]
 

Originally by: Darius III
Originally by: Templar Dane


OP is like two days late for the funny that was the original monocle thread.




Unfortunately for me I can't/wouldn't want to try to keep up with the 9,274.5 rage threads since the release. I see the whole thing as harmful to Eve, and it isn't fun for me. That being said, I am trying to have whatever fun I can with the situation. Besides, I am certain my thread > original thread. Now return to your scullery duties, or buy a monocle for yourself and join me on the council of nobles.ugh


Your thread *must* be superior to the original thread, because you are wearing a monocle.

Outlaw Jenner
Caldari
Jovian Order of the Navigators
Posted - 2011.06.28 05:44:00 - [54]
 

I fully support this product and or service... because my monocle permits it. I can also confirm that upon insertion... the burning sensation immediately stopped while urinating. Thanks CCP!

RasTrent
Private Nuisance
Segregati0n
Posted - 2011.06.28 07:28:00 - [55]
 

My fellow monocleers,

I would graciously propose that we be able to purchase lenses for our classy eye pieces. I for one would like to have a "Bieber Lens" installed in mine, this lens would display all characters portraits as if they had Justin Bieber's hair cut. I know Minigin would be interested in such lens, how would the rest of you classy men of great space shippery feel about said proposition?

Regards to the non-peasants.

RasTrent

Velator Nador
Gallente
Center for Advanced Studies
Posted - 2011.06.28 22:09:00 - [56]
 

Originally by: Apocryphal Noise
Nice satire.


I think your standards are a little low....

Roosterton
Eternal Frontier
Posted - 2011.06.28 22:11:00 - [57]
 

Originally by: Brooks Puuntai
Originally by: enterprisePSI
Confirming that if i where to receive an anonymous donation of 4 plex, i will immediately get a monocle.


You would think that either:

-4 Months of playtime
-1 Fully fit rigged carrier
-1 Dreadnaught
-2 t2 BSs
-30 t1 BSs
-16 t2 cruisers

Would be a better use of those plexes. Just saying.

*Figures are a rough estimate and maybe slightly off.


True, except the part about the LOLDreadnaught.

August Persona
Posted - 2011.06.28 22:16:00 - [58]
 

Laughing. This deserves a bump.

Klezmer
Amarr
In Praise Of Shadows
Posted - 2011.06.28 22:36:00 - [59]
 

How vulgar new money is. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing such common tat.

Sieges
Posted - 2011.06.28 22:58:00 - [60]
 

Originally by: Crumplecorn
I'm wearing two monocles ATM, and now I see things from CCP's perspective.

Well said! I laughed and spit my Diet Cherry Limeade all over my screen. 10/10


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