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blankseplocked On absence of grand conspiracy and absence of god
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Posted - 2010.09.05 20:45:00 - [1]

The clouds of darkness are lifting.
Light peeks through, a better tomorrow beckons. The will and the desire to embrace it grows.

No haughty proclamations today. No pointing out of errors or folly or betrayals. No condemnations, no profound revelations. Something better, a little story and the experiences shared so that those younger or still able to gain to benefit of new may have something to feed their minds. The value of it? Who knows? I do not, but as with breathing, eating and making love, sharing stories is what I as a man do.

So let us continue.

Old timers, and those suffering the effects of obsessive or repetitive behavioural "disorders" that the capsuleer community is so blessed with, may remember some earlier stories that I have shared.
A Journey
Was one of the more memorable.
Unlike others that tell tales of dread, woe and religious journeys here in this place, I can attest that these experiences are genuine and not the fevered imaginings of a girl playing popularity games.

This was quite some time ago now. The universe stays the same, and yet changes so much. Such a trite statement, yet has such depth in its shallowness.

Since this time, the story that unfolded was the same story we all have. A battle for survival then relevance, then meaning. It is a humbling realisation when you do your absolute best and fail, you know you are failing, you take the best most considered corrective actions and fail yet again. I believe in the pirates parlance this is called just simply "fail".

But being fail has its own story, its own journey, its own little message if one listens. For me in hindsight I took too long to listen, but in the end does it matter? Probably not.

So what lessons then, from a failed monk, what possibly could be shared in this little vicious nest of primping, preening, positioning and desperate last gasp clutches for relevance in a reality that is moving on?

The time I have had has become one of reflection. In this reflection, unlike my time before I became a monk, driven mad by the solitude of space, sense violence of the low sec pirates, viciousness of the matari militia, uprightness yet haughty arrogance of the Providence holders, and close proximity to the Cathedral of Blood, this reflection was very different.

Reflecting on failure gives at first great grief. For you do at this time grieve. It is the death of your dreams. You cry in your own way, then you turn to anger and then to blame, then you seek vengeance and destroy those around you who showed you love and consideration. I do of course wish to apologise for this yet again, but it will no doubt fall on deaf ears. My time I chose to waste on bitterness and hatred. A lesson for those coming after perhaps is to make a different choice.

But what comes after this is what makes it almost worthwhile. Peace. The Serenity of the soul. You have grieved the death of dreams, and now you must yet live on. What to do?

Bridges are burnt. But one of the early lessons of my favourite discipline, Game Theory, is that you in fact maximise your payoff in some games by closing off options. Burning Bridges. Perhaps my greatest time is ahead. Who knows, but fret not I'm sure I'll find the time to post a long rambling introspective discussion on it ;)

The time now after this great mourning and destruction has left a great gift. The emergence of clarity. The mind now is free. Unconstrained. With the battle for meaning and relevance lost I have joined the great mass of humanity. The unspecial, the unblessed. Mediocrity is not so bad. In fact, I increasingly find it better.

Posted - 2010.09.05 21:20:00 - [2]

With clarity, unclouded by need to unlose battles fought long ago, there is some things that stand out. Observations.

There is no grand conspiracy
You will see people posting Sani Sabik this, Blood Raider that, Star Fraction, Amarr, Reclaiming, Sarum. It is all just tools of people just like you, clutching at and invoking ideas as levers. The want you to think they are important. I am yet to find one that has real effect. Journey with them for a while if you need for self learning, I certainly did, but the underlying reality is that they are desperate and fear for their relevance and meaning just like you.

There is no god
The truth or god invoked by the Amarr and Sani Sabik isnt real. It is just a grander form of invoking ideas to ward of their worst fears of being alone in space. The beconing void can do strange things to man, and we all respond differently to it. Some grab a gun, go hunting and bring in the finance, others form cults that spread their idea by making it interesting the same way a sycophant does - by telling you your choices are better than others.

If I have any message to leave you with, from a genuine journey of deep spiritual trials and purgations within the universe of new eden, it is that there really is no god. You are on your own, this is it, so now, what are you going to do? Increasingly I form the view the real man, the brave man, the man that has actual meaning responds to this not with fanciful tales but with genuine comraderie. Embrace others that share this universe. Do what you must to eat and prosper, but recognise your choices are no better than others.

The real economy of this universe is the relationships you form. More than any amount of finance, these are what matters. At times people will of course hate you, despise you, ridicule you and maybe admire you. These are not what matters. Tend to the relationships you have, invest in them, do not betray them. What matters is being genuine to those around you.

On Grr
I mention Grr before I mention any other person. Good and genuine for the time that CVA was relevant.

On Aralis
Never met the man. Apparently he had something to do with CVA. I see posts under his name here occaisionally, but they are never entertaining, merely statements of grandeur and resting on past accomplishments done well before my time.

On Karn Mithralia
Dedication. Respect.

On the old Ushra Khan
Go die in a fire whilst suffering a venereal disease. Clarity of mind still brings me to this conclusion.

On Amarr Militia

On the Jade Constantine|Revan Neferis Collective
Girl(s) playing dolls but with boys.

Star Fraction
*yawn*, but kinda a little cudos for giving it a go.

The Great Reclaiming
Does it really matter? Will it actually do anything? In a universe that has the most ability to be impacted by the choices of people, investing time and effort into this choice will have the least of all possible impacts.

Use em if you got em.

Slaver Hounds
These things are still damn cool.

And well, that is it.
Today I disrobe, never to retake it.
I go forth now, a new man, cleansed of a mind controlled by ancient beliefs and their modern peddlers. I go now, out to the universe for profit, experiences and to share my story for others.
Those of you still under the shackles of belief or hatred or inspiration, from experience I do know that a deep part of you can still see what is real. There is hope, the darkness of the end is not to be feared. What does matter is what you choose, and with no god you are free to choose to be a good person.

Perhaps the real story of edeity has been that god must die for people to live. Whatever the story is, I hope you have at least found some joy in my sharing of it.

Peace and friendship to all, including my former enemies.

Cecilia Syal
Blood Inquisition
Posted - 2010.09.05 21:38:00 - [3]

Sani Sabik is the one true faith that has helped guide me towards the path of truth, Truth with in myself & to see my place in the universe, Everyone seeks answer and they cannot be answered by faith, it can only guide you towards them.

To me, finding Sani Sabik, was like putting a cystal over a ray of light, turning it into a focused laser beam... to burn through the clouds and see the truth and answers. to learn my true potential and power.

Amarr Border Defense Consortium
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
Posted - 2010.09.06 12:44:00 - [4]

Originally by: edeity
No haughty proclamations today.


Elle Bathory
Posted - 2010.09.06 15:24:00 - [5]

Yes, I am a rather new capsuleer and so my knowledge is not as expansive as others here. I was seeking to remedy that by going through the IGS.

Originally by: edeity
No haughty proclamations today. No pointing out of errors or folly or betrayals. No condemnations.

You begin with such words and after reading most of IGS, I was encouraged. (it is those very things that seem to fill the airways with clouds of festering poison)

I read on, and then...
Originally by: edeity
On the old Ushra Khan
Go die in a fire whilst suffering a venereal disease. Clarity of mind still brings me to this conclusion.

On Amarr Militia

On the Jade Constantine|Revan Neferis Collective
Girl(s) playing dolls but with boys.

Star Fraction
*yawn*, but kinda a little cudos for giving it a go.

How disappointing. Seems hypocrisy is the favored choice around IGS. I should not expect less from here.

Originally by: edeity
Peace and friendship to all, including my former enemies.

You sure about that? Not sure they will feel the same.

Syn Callibri
21st Eridani Lighthorse
Posted - 2010.09.07 13:53:00 - [6]

Originally by: edeity

No haughty proclamations today....

How very...amusing.


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