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Valkyriena
Gallente
Madhatters Inc.
The Initiative.
Posted - 2010.04.07 15:26:00 - [31]
 

Edited by: Valkyriena on 07/04/2010 15:26:39
7/10 on the It's really complicated Ron Scale Wink

Diurpaneus
Caldari
Exanimo Inc
The Smurfs Alliance
Posted - 2010.04.07 19:39:00 - [32]
 

Pure comedy ZoMg!!!!

/me takes popcorn and waiths for CCP coments bwuhahahhaha

P.S. I subscribe for a pink hat, mail pls with prices isk/EU/$ (Vuk pays for it)
Very HappyVery HappyRazzRazzRazzSurprisedSurprisedSurprisedRazzRazzRazzRazzRazzVery HappyVery Happy

Ramsfeld
Caldari
Beach Boys
Cartel.
Posted - 2010.04.08 01:48:00 - [33]
 

CCP fail once again !!! Evil or Very Mad and we pay 15$ every month for this ..... LAGGG !

Wilhelm Caster
Caldari
Most Wanted INC
White Noise.
Posted - 2010.04.08 03:59:00 - [34]
 

HAHAHAHAHA! I love these reports, so glad. Keep up the reports.

Praetor Novak
Gallente
Macabre Votum
Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2010.04.08 05:47:00 - [35]
 

My hat is off to the OP, I was ROTFLMAO on that faux transcript. EVE - The calming.

MissBolyai
Caldari
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2010.04.08 13:47:00 - [36]
 

There were a couple points where I smiled.

I miss the good old days of CAOD though...

Ignition SemperFi
Caldari
No Falcons Allowed
Posted - 2010.04.09 02:52:00 - [37]
 

for all those that forget

When Squirrils Attack by Jinn

well worth the read

Lord Zulu
Amarr
Imperial Shipment
Posted - 2010.04.09 09:30:00 - [38]
 


Amarrian Cynicism
Amarr
Blood Moon Legion
Black Core Alliance
Posted - 2010.04.09 19:30:00 - [39]
 

I enjoyed this thread.

J'inn
Caldari
Shiva
Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2010.04.11 04:51:00 - [40]
 

Edited by: J''inn on 11/04/2010 04:51:53
The Mid-Weekend Report (thereíll be a post weekend wrap-up later)

Well another week of warfare has been completed and I know everyone here wants to know who is winning. Okay fine. Since we all just have to reduces lifeís complicated conflicts to a score. . . . . <sigh> Hereís the score.

Northern Coalition = 1 point.

Southern Coalition = .75 points.

Eve Manufacturers = 3547864764049876902 points.

So currently the North is in second place but only by a hairís width. This is due to the Southís failure to stage a major break through to date. But darn it, they are trying.

Atlas and some other guys are hitting the Vale entry system of P3EN-E hard.

IT and crew are still in X-70 and hitting Tech moons as fast as they can with moderate, but not stunning, success. The Northern sheep patrol have been able to hold baaaaaaaaaaaaah <cough> back the tide so far. A very few NC POSes have been lost, but more have been saved.

The truly sad fact is, this war is not funny so far. Itís dull. Itís . . . . I dunno . . . missing something. So I have no choice but to provide a very serious report on a very serious matter.

As you know, CCP has put into place the concept of node reenforcement. Hopefully this will help combat lag. Apparently what you do is fill out the Fleet Fight Notification Form. Send it to CCP. And then they pre-prepare their petition notifications that read:

ďWeíre sorry that you lost your ship and in a rage inserted your foot into you monitor. However, our logs show that the server was running just peachy. Therefore, we cannot replace your ship or your monitor. Thank you for playing!!! Fly safe!!Ē

This will make things run much more efficiently. Just think. You wonít have to wait hours or even days to get a petition response!!

Vuk, being Vuk, had a little problem getting the form to download so he contacted CCP directly:


CCP Zymurgist: hey Vuk!

Vuk: Stupid Fleet Fight Notification tool isnít working.

CCP Z: Yeah, we know. Itís being upgraded to include planned mining ops, Jita trades, setting a market order, or sending an evemail.
Vuk: Well I need to get this done we have a big weekend coming up.

CCP Z: Get out a pen and paper.

Vuk: Okay.

CCP Z: Okay write on it the general details of your fleet fight. Location, date and time.

Vuk: no prob.

CCP Z: Also put in the number of expected pilots.

Vuk: Oh about 1000.

CCP Z: BWHAHAHHAAHAHHAHHAAAa <snort> Hilarious Vuk is hilarious!! Put down 50.

Vuk: WHAT!!

CCP Z: Oh and ship types.

Vuk: Fleet BSes mostly.

CCP Z: hmm, they have a lot of turrets. When a whole fleet of them start firing itís a lot of data . . . . . Sure looks cool though . . . . Yeah thatís not good. Go with Ceptors.

Vuk: That wonít work!! . . .

CCP Z: Yeah you are right. Too fast. Bantams it is.

Vuk: But.

CCP Z: And donít all jump in at once. One ship jumps. Count to ten. Then the next ship jumps. Rinse & repeat.

Vuk: They be slaughtered!!

CCP Z: Yeah that would be a lot of explosions all at once. . . . Count to 20.

Vuk: Have you told Molle this!!

CCP Z: No. But you need to talk to him before filing that.

Vuk: ABOUT WHAT!!??

CCP Z: Well we need to know how many ships his side is bringing donít we? I mean how the heck will we know how many servers to dedicate to the node without knowing that? Are you sure you are in charge of an alliance?

Vuk: WTF DO I DO WITH THIS STUPID PAPER!!??

CCP Z: Have it notarized in triplicate. And then delivered, certified mail, to CCP. As follows:

HELL
Division of Internet Tortures
CCP Department
500 miles under Iceland
Postal Code 666


Vuk: o.0 Youíre not funny.

CCP Z: Funny?


Anyways . . . On the plus side. This is expected to be a big weekend!! I canít wait to report on it once itís done!

And finally:

Titan Losses . . . . NONE YET!! WTF people? You are not trying hard enough here!!!



Nocturnal Avenger
Minmatar
Sebiestor Tribe
Posted - 2010.04.11 10:46:00 - [41]
 

Edited by: Nocturnal Avenger on 11/04/2010 10:52:14
Originally by: J'inn
(and part 2)


:D

Edit: and :D @ part three as well

Jason W0rthing
Gallente
Aliastra
Posted - 2010.04.11 12:10:00 - [42]
 

Wow. A thread in CAOD that is not worthless vomit. I never thought i'd see the day.

HankMurphy
Minmatar
Pelennor Swarm
Posted - 2010.04.11 15:34:00 - [43]
 

pure gold

Just fearless
Caldari
Phantom Squad
Atlas.
Posted - 2010.04.11 19:58:00 - [44]
 

The truly sad fact is, this war is not funny so far. Itís dull. Itís . . . . I dunno . . . missing something. So I have no choice but to provide a very serious report on a very serious matter.

As you know, CCP has put into place the concept of node reenforcement. Hopefully this will help combat lag. Apparently what you do is fill out the Fleet Fight Notification Form. Send it to CCP. And then they pre-prepare their petition notifications that read:

ďWeíre sorry that you lost your ship and in a rage inserted your foot into you monitor. However, our logs show that the server was running just peachy. Therefore, we cannot replace your ship or your monitor. Thank you for playing!!! Fly safe!!Ē

This will make things run much more efficiently. Just think. You wonít have to wait hours or even days to get a petition response!!


ahh the truth


scally
Minmatar
The Executives
IT Alliance
Posted - 2010.04.11 20:28:00 - [45]
 

Originally by: JASON W0RTHING
Wow. A thread in CAOD that is not worthless vomit. I never thought i'd see the day.

where?
i looked but never found it!!!!

Bluebear8
Gallente
DOUBLE IDENTITY
R.A.G.E
Posted - 2010.04.12 18:40:00 - [46]
 

TO: the OP (a/k/a "Jíinn the Wonderful")

Poast Moar, por favor!

GonzoWCS
Gallente
The Shadow Order
Posted - 2010.04.29 16:48:00 - [47]
 

Any Updates to this?

Salute!

Tiger's Spirit
Caldari
Troll Hunters INC.
Posted - 2010.04.29 16:58:00 - [48]
 

OMG this thread is megalol. :D
Best thread in CAOD long years ago.
Thx m8 please just go on.

Facepalm
Amarr
Battlestars
Posted - 2010.04.29 17:34:00 - [49]
 

Edited by: Facepalm on 29/04/2010 17:36:20

There have actually been 2 KSC titan losses in this campaign so far. The ROL and BLAST losses can both be counted as being part of the conflict since ROL lost theirs directly due to deployment to X-7O to participate in the campaign and BLAST wouldn't have lost theirs if PL hadn't been deployed as a move to flank and distract the IT offensive.

MrEMan
Caldari
Bad Kitty Inc.
Wildly Inappropriate.
Posted - 2010.04.29 17:45:00 - [50]
 


Originally by: J'inn

BATTLE REPORT

FM: JíINN THE VICIOUS

TO: NC HC


Okay, for the preliminary stuff . . . .

All hail the Northern Coalition and itís leaders whose wisdom and power cannot be questioned lest you be forced to serve as Vukís Cabin Boy Sans Pants . .

<sigh>

Anyways:

1. April 27, 2010 02:30 Eve appx. I am busy with my IT alt buying out all of the T2 ammo in Tribute and putting it back up at triple Jita when I receive a message from ME/Rage for assistance. Apparently, they have a towers coming out of reinforced in NCGR.

2. I respond to the fleet request and immediately ask what ships they need. I am informed that they are looking for shield logistics and HACs in general. I check EFT to see if there is a good load out for these types of ships. Finding the load outs lacking in the Salvager Department or Cargo Hold Capacity. I bring a Fleet 14 inch *****.

3. I leave D7 station, give the reds the finger, and high tail it to TVN. Surprisingly I make it there alive. When I get there I notice the fleet has left. I inquire why they did not wait for Jíinn the Vicious. Oddly, they ignore me.

4. So . . I . . . Jíinn the Brave decide to go the NCGR alone. Again, shockingly, I get there alive. Although I notice that there are no reds in system. Well this looks safe I think. I ask for a warp in. I ask again. I ask again. Then I lie and say I am in a Basilisk. I get a warp in.

5. Upon warping to the fleet I find myself in a ME jump bridge POS with a fleet of about 80 guys. They seem stressed. Several are praying the rosary. I start to become concerned. At that point I notice the POS is in reinforced and the timer shows that it will be killable in about ONE MINUTE!

6. I set autopilot to D7. Spool up the warp drive to MOMMY HELP ME speed and set course for the nearest gate.

7. Just then a cyno goes up in system and local goes really, really red. I start mashing the cancel warp button but it is too late. As I land on the gate I notice that it is covered with an Atlas Support Fleet. A dictor jumps through upon seeing me. I believe he had a T2 lube dispenser fitted. Okay, jumping through would be bad.

8. So I figure Iím dead. Imagine my surprise when the Atlas fleet warps. I suppose I scared them. It is me after all. But there is still that dictor on the other side of the gate. And I am not fitted for combat. Iím fitted for ďfleetĒ combat and I doubt my 5 salvagers would hurt him much. Well crap. Iím stuck. So I go back to the POS funeral service.

9. So by now the POS has itís pants down around itís ankles and has bent over. Finally, the FC states, ďOkay guys you are going to see something really cool now! Iím thinking. YES!! A massive blue fleet is going to jump in and save my ass . . . I mean the POS . . . This will be cool. So I am, once again, a little disappointed when the Atlas CAP fleet warps in and everyone on TS starts talking about how cool it is to see that many CAPs at once. Somehow I define ďcoolĒ differently.

10. At this point Atlas starts sieging the POS and it drops faster than a hookerís panties at a millionaires convention. Thankfully, before the POS pops, the FC warps us to another POS. Iím ****ed. Sure Iím safe but Iíll obviously have to log here and I canít complete my market orders in Tribute from frikkin Vale. Then I notice that this tower is also in reinforced and only has about an hour to live. So I do what anyone would do at this point. I start *****ing on TS. Man you FCs sure can be nasty! Sheesh.

11. Suddenly, the FC warps the entire fleet. Iím thinking. YES!!! We are getting the hell out of this system because only a mad man would engage that fleet. (At this point we were outnumbered 2-1 in local. 3-1 if you include Dastomyís constant local chat warfare). But my hopes are dashed when the FC yells: Prepare for combat!!


more to follow

MrEMan
Caldari
Bad Kitty Inc.
Wildly Inappropriate.
Posted - 2010.04.29 17:52:00 - [51]
 

Originally by: J'inn

12. So we land on a large red fleet. I open up my character page just to check what level clone I will need to buy in the next minute or so. CRAP!! They are expensive. But my thoughts are interrupted as the FC starts screaming for primaries. Weird that I am not dead yet.

13. Well now as I said before I am in a fleet fit 14 inch *****. 5 salvagers. Two 250mm rails for killmail whoring. Sensors boosters. MWD. I switch my overview to Fleet One. Which is wrecks and cans only. None yet. Okay, overview Fleet Two it is then. Combat overview.

14. I begin to lock every red I can. Firing off one shot on each in order to maximize the kill mail haul. I wish the FC would stop yelling primaries at this point, itís making it hard to concentrate and lets face it, no one really pays attention to that anyways.

15. Next thing I know all hell breaks loose. Atlas Caps all over the place. Our caps start pouring in. FC sounding like he is going to have a stroke. AND DAMMIT THIS LAG IS MAKING IT HARD FOR ME TO SWITCH TARGETS FAST!!!

16. Now at one point, I am not sure when, our Leviathan started taking damage. Calls went out to put all reps on him. I thought to myself . . heck Iíve never been on a Titan kill mail. So I lock him up and fire one shot. Hey, donít look at me like that!! One stupid 250mm railgun shot wouldnít change anything. Itís harmless. Thankfully, the Levi was saved by the triage carriers. Iíll get on a Titan killmail one day. I just need to be in Imperianís fleets more often I suppose.

17. Atlas capitals are dying all over the place. And I am really getting stressed. WHY OH WHY DIDNíT I BRING A T2 HAULER INSTEAD? There were capital mods all over the place. I could have made a fortune. A FORTURE I TELL YOU!! At this point I start crying. Guess I need to learn to stop hot micíing as my ears where quickly filled with the FC saying . . . Dude itís just a game . . . What did you lose?. I told him I was still alive but that I canít fit the Capital Armor Repairer I just found into my stupid cargo hold. I heard him yell ďJíinn Primary!!Ē So I warped out, waited for five minutes and warped back in.

18. Right around this point in time the FC was distracted from killing me by a large IT & Friends fleet. They saw me in local and immediately left. Makes it hard for you guys to get a fight with me scaring off the reds I know. I feel your pain.

19. Thankfully, the Atlas cap fleet could not escape despite their fear of me. They were bubbled, pointed, and generally screwed. So they did what I would have done. They cheated. YES I SAID IT!! Those weasels started dumping shuttles and cans on grid like crazy. I thought it was insulting. I mean really, do they expect me to salvage shuttles. Ptui!! Iím Jíinn!! Not some noob!! Well actually, if I brought one of my alts in I could . . . hmm.

20. We fought through the lag and the kill boards say the rest.

21. I, on the other hand, am still traumatized by the loot I had to leave behind. Imagine my horror as I actually had to jettison FACTION loot to make room for better faction loot. I may never fully recover.


Now that is how you write a proper battle report.


Jíinn the Vicious . .. Signing off



Nostradamous
Caldari
Di-Tron Heavy Industries
Atlas.
Posted - 2010.04.29 18:21:00 - [52]
 

Originally by: MrEMan

Originally by: J'inn

BATTLE REPORT

9. So by now the POS has itís pants down around itís ankles and has bent over. Finally, the FC states, ďOkay guys you are going to see something really cool now! Iím thinking. YES!! A massive blue fleet is going to jump in and save my ass . . . I mean the POS . . . This will be cool. So I am, once again, a little disappointed when the Atlas CAP fleet warps in and everyone on TS starts talking about how cool it is to see that many CAPs at once. Somehow I define ďcoolĒ differently.

10. At this point Atlas starts sieging the POS and it drops faster than a hookerís panties at a millionaires convention. Thankfully, before the POS pops, the FC warps us to another POS. Iím ****ed. Sure Iím safe but Iíll obviously have to log here and I canít complete my market orders in Tribute from frikkin Vale. Then I notice that this tower is also in reinforced and only has about an hour to live. So I do what anyone would do at this point. I start *****ing on TS. Man you FCs sure can be nasty! Sheesh.



more to come



Awesome Laughing

Thronde
Amarr
Navy of Xoc
Wildly Inappropriate.
Posted - 2010.04.29 20:34:00 - [53]
 

Awesome post, this literally had me LOLing at work. Great writing. Loved reading about the Squirrel Wars.

BangerX
Caldari
Sane Industries Inc.
Initiative Mercenaries
Posted - 2010.04.29 22:14:00 - [54]
 

Originally by: MrEMan

Originally by: J'inn

BATTLE REPORT

FM: JíINN THE VICIOUS

TO: NC HC


Okay, for the preliminary stuff . . . .

All hail the Northern Coalition and itís leaders whose wisdom and power cannot be questioned lest you be forced to serve as Vukís Cabin Boy Sans Pants . .

<sigh>

Anyways:

1. April 27, 2010 02:30 Eve appx. I am busy with my IT alt buying out all of the T2 ammo in Tribute and putting it back up at triple Jita when I receive a message from ME/Rage for assistance. Apparently, they have a towers coming out of reinforced in NCGR.

2. I respond to the fleet request and immediately ask what ships they need. I am informed that they are looking for shield logistics and HACs in general. I check EFT to see if there is a good load out for these types of ships. Finding the load outs lacking in the Salvager Department or Cargo Hold Capacity. I bring a Fleet 14 inch *****.

3. I leave D7 station, give the reds the finger, and high tail it to TVN. Surprisingly I make it there alive. When I get there I notice the fleet has left. I inquire why they did not wait for Jíinn the Vicious. Oddly, they ignore me.

4. So . . I . . . Jíinn the Brave decide to go the NCGR alone. Again, shockingly, I get there alive. Although I notice that there are no reds in system. Well this looks safe I think. I ask for a warp in. I ask again. I ask again. Then I lie and say I am in a Basilisk. I get a warp in.

5. Upon warping to the fleet I find myself in a ME jump bridge POS with a fleet of about 80 guys. They seem stressed. Several are praying the rosary. I start to become concerned. At that point I notice the POS is in reinforced and the timer shows that it will be killable in about ONE MINUTE!

6. I set autopilot to D7. Spool up the warp drive to MOMMY HELP ME speed and set course for the nearest gate.

7. Just then a cyno goes up in system and local goes really, really red. I start mashing the cancel warp button but it is too late. As I land on the gate I notice that it is covered with an Atlas Support Fleet. A dictor jumps through upon seeing me. I believe he had a T2 lube dispenser fitted. Okay, jumping through would be bad.

8. So I figure Iím dead. Imagine my surprise when the Atlas fleet warps. I suppose I scared them. It is me after all. But there is still that dictor on the other side of the gate. And I am not fitted for combat. Iím fitted for ďfleetĒ combat and I doubt my 5 salvagers would hurt him much. Well crap. Iím stuck. So I go back to the POS funeral service.

9. So by now the POS has itís pants down around itís ankles and has bent over. Finally, the FC states, ďOkay guys you are going to see something really cool now! Iím thinking. YES!! A massive blue fleet is going to jump in and save my ass . . . I mean the POS . . . This will be cool. So I am, once again, a little disappointed when the Atlas CAP fleet warps in and everyone on TS starts talking about how cool it is to see that many CAPs at once. Somehow I define ďcoolĒ differently.

10. At this point Atlas starts sieging the POS and it drops faster than a hookerís panties at a millionaires convention. Thankfully, before the POS pops, the FC warps us to another POS. Iím ****ed. Sure Iím safe but Iíll obviously have to log here and I canít complete my market orders in Tribute from frikkin Vale. Then I notice that this tower is also in reinforced and only has about an hour to live. So I do what anyone would do at this point. I start *****ing on TS. Man you FCs sure can be nasty! Sheesh.

11. Suddenly, the FC warps the entire fleet. Iím thinking. YES!!! We are getting the hell out of this system because only a mad man would engage that fleet. (At this point we were outnumbered 2-1 in local. 3-1 if you include Dastomyís constant local chat warfare). But my hopes are dashed when the FC yells: Prepare for combat!!


more to follow



OK.. This was one of the funniest posts I've read in a while...


Shtirlec
Amarr
Roving Guns Inc.
RAZOR Alliance
Posted - 2010.04.29 23:19:00 - [55]
 

Originally by: Ignition SemperFi
for all those that forget

When Squirrils Attack by Jinn

well worth the read


thats pretty freaking funny....
def worth the read...LaughingLaughingLaughing

Abon
Caldari
Pandorum Research Incorporated
Posted - 2010.04.29 23:44:00 - [56]
 

ShockedLaughing

StJamesofSorrow
Amarr
ANZAC ALLIANCE
IT Alliance
Posted - 2010.04.30 02:38:00 - [57]
 

GOLD!

Laughing


SFX Bladerunner
Minmatar
Aperture Science inc.
Posted - 2010.04.30 05:23:00 - [58]
 

Originally by: J'inn

And finally:

Titan Losses . . . . NONE YET!! WTF people? You are not trying hard enough here!!!





Just goes to show how boring this war actually is.

No titans dead, no 500 capitals dead in a single engagement, no systems switching hands every few days, I'm starting to wonder what it is exactly the SC intended to do with this war, and wether or not their current progress (or lack thereof) is in-line with their pre-war expectations and planning.

Seriously, I'd like to know SC, is this quite what you guys were aiming for?
Are you guys really 'putting those NC carebears in their (final resting) place'?

Most importantly though, is it any fun?

I would like a response from Molle himself and/or anyone (else) involved in the entire formation of this grand 'northern crusade' plan and have them tell us how the current war is stacking up with their expectations and what they have planned for the future.

- are things going the way they were intended?
- are you guys still on your schedule?
- do you guys even have a schedule?
- how many times has the 'big plan' had to be modified so far?


I know supposedly SC just wants to boot the NC and install some new pets, but I am starting to question your methods.

Or, to put it mildly: this sure as hell ain't no blitzkrieg.

Now it is sleepy sleepy time for me, so excuse the horrible spleling, grammar, content and overal lack of cohesion.

Btw J'inn, your stuff cracks me up, keep it coming!

Misaki Tanaka
Caldari
Dreddit
Test Alliance Please Ignore
Posted - 2010.04.30 05:28:00 - [59]
 

Originally by: SFX Bladerunner

I would like a response from Molle himself and/or anyone (else) involved in the entire formation of this grand 'northern crusade' plan and have them tell us how the current war is stacking up with their expectations and what they have planned for the future.

- are things going the way they were intended?
- are you guys still on your schedule?
- do you guys even have a schedule?
- how many times has the 'big plan' had to be modified so far?



So Molle himself? You just want spin, don't you.

DurrHurrDurr
Caldari
Dreddit
Test Alliance Please Ignore
Posted - 2010.04.30 05:30:00 - [60]
 

Edited by: DurrHurrDurr on 30/04/2010 05:30:02
Originally by: Misaki Tanaka
Originally by: SFX Bladerunner

I would like a response from Molle himself and/or anyone (else) involved in the entire formation of this grand 'northern crusade' plan and have them tell us how the current war is stacking up with their expectations and what they have planned for the future.

- are things going the way they were intended?
- are you guys still on your schedule?
- do you guys even have a schedule?
- how many times has the 'big plan' had to be modified so far?


So Molle himself? You just want spin, don't you.



Are you stupid? He said he wanted a Titan loss, of course he'd ask Molle.


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