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Lui Kai
Better Than You
Posted - 2009.11.16 05:02:00 - [1]
 

Hey all,

So, I turn 30 in exactly 1 hour.

As a way of celebrating, I will be giving away 100m to the funniest reply to this thread. Whatever makes me laugh the hardest by the end of the birthday.

Blane Xero
Amarr
The Firestorm Cartel
Posted - 2009.11.16 05:10:00 - [2]
 


LaVista Vista
Conservative Shenanigans Party
Posted - 2009.11.16 05:25:00 - [3]
 

I was going to post you a haiku. But I'm not very creative Sad

Happy birthday!

JordanParey
Suddenly Ninjas
Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
Posted - 2009.11.16 05:36:00 - [4]
 

I have a story for you.

It starts like this:


A few nights ago, my friends and I discovered that firecrackers can be launched from a paintball gun. So, we went out into the middle of the boonies and began launching fireworks out of my old Tippmann. I shot my friend Frankel in the balls with nothing but air (true story, the "air tapsack") and we left. We then proceeded to go to Wendy's, where the guy driving the car decided to order in Borat's voice.

"Hi, what can I get for you this evening? Would you like to try our new triple bacon cheeseburger combo?"
"No. I am hungry....NOT!"
"Excuse me?"
"I wooood like to haff nugget of cheeken. My fat friend woood like treeepel baykon chizzburger with diet Coke and ****** fry."
"....ooookay. Is that all for you sir?"
"No, I would like for also haff cheeeken sandwich andt ****** fry."
"Is that all?"
"Yes."
"Drive up to the window please."

"Here is twelve dollar, please make fast with deh food-geeving."
"Here's you change, thank you!"

So, we're driving away, laughing and eating, when I say, "WAIT! LET'S GO TO WALMART! I WANT TO BUY A SLINGSHOT!"

So, my friend does a J-turn at the stoplight and head towards the nearest Wal-Mart. As we are nearing the turn, my friend decides to dare my fat friend (We'll call him "John" here) to throw a chicken sandwich out the window at another car. He rolls down the window, and tosses the chicken sandwich at a truck. The sandwich sticks to the windshield, thanks to the mayonnaise on the chicken patty, and we continue toward Wal-Mart.

We finally reach our destination and head for the sporting goods section. I get my slingshot, and as I am leaving the aisle to go pay for my item, I see a can of something called "Elk Bomb". I pick it up, look at it, and discover that it is an aerosol can full of elk urine. Friend #1 dares me to spray "John" with it. "No," I say, "that would be really messed up."

I continue to round the corner of the aisle, leaving them to screw around while I pay. All of a sudden, I hear a noise:

*plunk* KSSHSHSHSSSSSSSSSHHSHSSHSHSHSHSHSH.

I run around to another aisle in the sporting goods section, so that I can hear what is happening.

John: "Bluh...Bluh...BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" *starts burping because he has a weak stomach*

I begin to smell something REALLY horrible, and realize that Friend #1 has just sprayed John with elk urine. In the face. I begin laughing uncontrollably as soon as I hear John start to retch..extremely loudly.

I hear HYSTERICAL laughing coming from friend #1 and the other guy that came along ("Friend #3") and John, who is burping and is well on his way towards vomiting.

The hysterical laughter only gets louder and louder, till I hear "OH SH!T" from the aisle they are in. John comes charging at me from around the corner with madness in his eyes. I burst into a dead sprint to escape the charging bull and lose him in the men's clothing section. I move beyond earshot and go to pay for my slingshot. I come back to where they were, with Friend #1 and Friend #3 walking together, with a very angry-looking John walking twenty feet to their right. We silently exit the Wal-Mart, with myself, Friend #1, and Friend #3 not doing a very good job of stifling our laughter.

We get into the car, with John slamming the door, and the three of us who WEREN'T sprayed with urine started laughing MUCH harder. John still has an angry look on his face as he says "You're lucky I didn't catch you guys, I was ready to bust some heads."

I asked, "Hey, where did you end up barfing?"

John: "The clothing department, on the floor."

Me: "Really? THEY HAVE CARPET IN THAT AREA, THEY'LL NEVER GET THAT STAIN OUT!!"

Everyone laughs as they realize he just vomited up a triple-cheeseburger with bacon, large fries, and a large Coke.

The end.

Bestofworst
Gallente
Posted - 2009.11.16 06:01:00 - [5]
 

Happy birthday, you are one year closer to death. How about you speed that process up and have some cake?

Mitch Taylor
Dark-Rising
Executive Outcomes
Posted - 2009.11.16 06:08:00 - [6]
 

Originally by: Blane Xero
Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.


give this guy the money :)

Bestofworst
Gallente
Posted - 2009.11.16 06:10:00 - [7]
 


Blane Xero
Amarr
The Firestorm Cartel
Posted - 2009.11.16 06:31:00 - [8]
 

Originally by: Bestofworst
Originally by: Mitch Taylor
Originally by: Blane Xero
Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.


give this guy the money :)

Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.


You've used that image twice in the past two days though.

Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.

Epegi Givo
Amarr
Department of Redundancy Dpt.
Posted - 2009.11.16 06:49:00 - [9]
 

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skysc****r restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an ******* when you're drunk, Superman."

______________________________________________________________

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

____________________________________________________

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____________________________________________________
Two apples, in an oven.

One apple turns to the other and says,

"Sure is hot in here, isn't it?"

The other apple,

"Holy ****, a talking apple!"
______________________________________________

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______________________________________________

One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attacked them and knocked them out.

When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.

The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one type of fruit and bring them back to me."

So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.

Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing hard for no apparent reason, and was killed.

The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"

The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
__________________________________________________________

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Lui Kai
Better Than You
Posted - 2009.11.16 21:09:00 - [10]
 

Hah! Good stuff so far, but the day's only half done. That the best you've got, forums?

Bestofworst
Gallente
Posted - 2009.11.16 21:12:00 - [11]
 

Originally by: Lui Kai
Hah! Good stuff so far, but the day's only half done. That the best you've got, forums?
Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.

Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRefZf3gj74

THE L0CK
Posted - 2009.11.16 21:31:00 - [12]
 

In before the mods nerf the pictures....

Intense Thinker
Minmatar
Posted - 2009.11.16 21:43:00 - [13]
 


Imran
Sniggerdly
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2009.11.16 21:45:00 - [14]
 

8==D

Slade Trillgon
Endless Possibilities Inc.
Posted - 2009.11.16 21:54:00 - [15]
 


Lui Kai
Better Than You
Posted - 2009.11.17 08:04:00 - [16]
 

Day is done, and a good day it was for me Very Happy

Originally by: Slade Trillgon
A happy Birthday B-J?



I had actually seen this before, but forgotten it - and it still made me laugh my ass off. You, sir, win.

Winged Crime
Minmatar
The Blood Money Cartel
Posted - 2009.11.17 08:14:00 - [17]
 

Originally by: Lui Kai
Hey all,

So, I turn 30 in exactly 1 hour.

As a way of celebrating, I will be giving away 100m to the funniest reply to this thread. Whatever makes me laugh the hardest by the end of the birthday.


Happy Birthday Mr. Kai,
This is where I should type some kind of setup to tie in this unrelated link but perhaps you should just click on it n' stuff.

I insist however, that you first turn up your speakers at a fairly loud (but non-damaging) level.

http://white-people-black-people.funnypart.com/

Slade Trillgon
Endless Possibilities Inc.
Posted - 2009.11.18 19:34:00 - [18]
 

Originally by: Lui Kai
Day is done, and a good day it was for me Very Happy

Originally by: Slade Trillgon
A happy Birthday B-J?



I had actually seen this before, but forgotten it - and it still made me laugh my ass off. You, sir, win.


Reporting that Lui Kai was good for his promise to award the 100 mill for his best birthday laugh.

I had a feeling that you would have seen it, but I also wagered on the idea that you would have forgotten it Very Happy


Slade

Captain Pompous
Is Right Even When He's Wrong So Deal With It
Posted - 2009.11.18 23:41:00 - [19]
 

Edited by: Captain Pompous on 18/11/2009 23:40:52
Quote:
[Homoeroticism]




Why on earth do you keep posting the same pictures over and over again. You can just save them to your computer, you know, for later use!


 

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