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CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2008.11.12 15:31:00 - [1]
 

I wrote a play for the Fanfest, and it was such a strange and frightening experience that I had to try it one more time.

The freed Minmatar tribes are returning to the heartland, but the journey there isn't simple or easy.

Freyya
Advanced Planetary Exports
Intergalactic Exports Group
Posted - 2008.11.12 15:41:00 - [2]
 

As i didn't attend to fanfest (unfortunatly, otherwise i would have been sure to hit you up for a beer Wink) i cannot say how this would be if actually played, but i do know this play doesn't read well... It's not the quality of writing i'm used to from you...i couldn't be arsed to read past the first few sentences because it just doesn't entice me..mainly because of the way it's written/presented. If it would be written as a story instead of a screenplay i'm guessing it would be much better.

My honest 2 cents.

Ohh and 1st in an Abraxas thread!

Elaron
Jericho Fraction
The Star Fraction
Posted - 2008.11.12 16:46:00 - [3]
 

I spotted the chron during the expansion deployment downtime and was puzzled about the format - puzzlement that is now resolved, of course.

Do you know if the play that was at Fanfest (whether what was presented in the chron or something else isn't made clear by you) was recorded as part of the EVE-TV footage that CCP has said should be available in a few weeks?

Borgh Brainbasher
Saint Industrial Services
STEEL BROTHERHOOD
Posted - 2008.11.12 17:18:00 - [4]
 

Edited by: Borgh Brainbasher on 12/11/2008 17:26:11
I would haver liked another chronicle before this one explaining to me the thing with the tribes, now I'm just plunged into some story I didn't notice was there. Cool story anyway once you get used to the format.
by the way, you'll need to edit the tribes part of the Backstory sectionRazz

Ankhesentapemkah
Gallente
Posted - 2008.11.12 20:55:00 - [5]
 

Must admit that I hate the format and didn't read it beyond the first few sentances.

Gabriel Theodoulos
Amarr
1st Praetorian Guard
Posted - 2008.11.12 21:12:00 - [6]
 

How grievous that such a barbaric doctrine can pollute and blind the eyes of these poor and hapless Matari.

Our Empress is sparing no expense to reach out to these decrepit souls, and all their primitive tribes can think of is to run from decent and moral society in order to swill in their dark holes.

These poor wretches of humanity. Our efforts to save them must be doubled.

Victoria Amarrian Imperium!

Evelgrivion
Gunpoint Diplomacy
Posted - 2008.11.12 21:24:00 - [7]
 

While the format is unusual, it does have some merits. I can't think of too many methods of writing effectively that don't include the thoughts of the characters within the story. It's interesting to be an outsider looking in, as if we're not there.

Scagga Laebetrovo
Failure Assured
Posted - 2008.11.12 21:59:00 - [8]
 

Holy crap something about nefantars!?

/me absorbs

Scagga Laebetrovo
Failure Assured
Posted - 2008.11.12 22:21:00 - [9]
 

Edited by: Scagga Laebetrovo on 12/11/2008 22:21:55

*laps up Ammatar material* A particularly interesting read, gave some reference to the difficulties faced in the repatriation process.

Comments/suggestions:

This is an area with tremendous scope for further writing. For instance (I'll start selfishly) - Sispur referred to the Mandate as a 'politically unstable ****hole'. What's going on there? The last we heard was that we had a sizeable number of people switching sides (including a governor) and Amarrians coming to clear up the tribal horde. Little to nothing is known of what is left behind, what the impact on their psyche is. Have families been divided? Have there been pogroms in the lull?

As for the story itself, it makes references to 'adjustment syndromes'. I find these quite interesting to explore, perhaps more anecdotal enrichment, like the incident where our starkmanir is accosted by a trade-markly inebriated minmatar harlot? Those kinds of stories give a lot of insight into social dynamics in this space age, even if many are quite logical.

Some details I'd really enjoy seeing about the characters: what do they look like? Ingame there are no descriptions of the physiques nor tribal tattoos (where applicable) of these three tribes. Do they have an accents or mannerisms they have adapted from other races? How can one distinguish a Thukker from a particularly sleazy Brutor or Sebiestor? As for repatriation process itself - what's it like? Do they have screening or re-education centres? How else does the reverence of the Starkmanir manifest?

So much meat up for grabs. I'd like mine medium rare please.

Onnen Mentar
Murientor Tribe
Posted - 2008.11.12 22:30:00 - [10]
 

Edited by: Onnen Mentar on 12/11/2008 22:33:00
It's nice to hear something from the Starkmanir/Nefantar. It's not quite clear to me just what the Ammatar Mandate's situation is at the moment. Is it really just one unstable mess? If it is, then I'd love to hear some more about it. And if it's not, I'd love to hear some more about it Very Happy

This seems like a great setting for some complex tragedies on identity and change, emphasizing the dark matter the EVE universe is made of.

Garion Avarr
Amarr
Adhocracy Incorporated
Posted - 2008.11.12 23:45:00 - [11]
 

Ooh, very interesting. I'd love to see it performed (and yes, that might have been me volunteering. We'll see).

A minor nitpick, though, the format seems closer to a screenplay than a stageplay to me. Might be more readable in stageplay format.

Daelin Blackleaf
White Rose Society
Posted - 2008.11.12 23:49:00 - [12]
 

Good content, horrible format.

Jowen Datloran
Caldari
Science and Trade Institute
Posted - 2008.11.13 00:04:00 - [13]
 

Nice read.

Though something started buzzing in my head when I read Triat stating: "I guess we're all human."

Do the people of New Eden have an understanding that we all belong to the same species and as such have something basic in common? I actually doubt that, I would have expected him to say something like "I guess we're all Matari".

I know I might seem as a minor thing but is rather crucial in understanding the mentality of the people in New Eden.

Garion Avarr
Amarr
Adhocracy Incorporated
Posted - 2008.11.13 01:10:00 - [14]
 

Originally by: Jowen Datloran

Do the people of New Eden have an understanding that we all belong to the same species and as such have something basic in common? I actually doubt that, I would have expected him to say something like "I guess we're all Matari".

I know I might seem as a minor thing but is rather crucial in understanding the mentality of the people in New Eden.


Well, there are clasifications smaller than species . . . my belief is that bloodlines are subspecies, so H. sapiens thukker, H. sapiens brutor, H. sapienes amarr, H. sapiens achur or something like that. Though perhaps groups that originated on the same planet would be a single subspecies, H. sapiens matar for all the the Matari of various tribes, and H. sapiens athra for the Amarr and Udorians . . . (were the Khanid from Athra? I forget). So everyone would be human, but also something more specific.

Shern
Minmatar
Hevaka Agreement
Posted - 2008.11.13 08:21:00 - [15]
 

I liked this, found it interesting. Nefanter and Starkmanir finding themselves as just symbols to the other tribes, not quite 'real', so to speak. The Nefanter pointing out that he just does not *know* anyone in Republic space, even if he feels a connection to the other matari.

I'd like more info on how the matari tribes are integrating - or not integrating - back into matari society.

CCP Fallout

Posted - 2008.11.13 11:28:00 - [16]
 

Originally by: Elaron
Do you know if the play that was at Fanfest (whether what was presented in the chron or something else isn't made clear by you) was recorded as part of the EVE-TV footage that CCP has said should be available in a few weeks?


Yep, it was recorded. It was actually really great, very funny :)

Miyamoto Uroki
Caldari
Sarum Industries
Posted - 2008.11.13 13:13:00 - [17]
 

Nice stuff. Not that subtle as usual, but still nice read.

Now as I live (and rp) in Ammatar space, I also would love to hear some informations about the actual (and probably lasting for some years) state of the Ammatar Mandate or Derelik in general.

Sidrat Flush
Caldari
Eve Industrial Corp
Posted - 2008.11.14 00:51:00 - [18]
 

Good story unusual format, but a welcome change. I wouldn't know the difference reading a stage production and a screen production though, so I guess my ignorance is useful in this case.

There's a whole lot more anguish and nashing of teeth that could have been put in the dialogue, but I liked the fact it was kept short and to the final point of "We're all human"...and then they raise their glasses to their own kind.

What are the chances of getting some of the animators to do a vignette in the future?

RU Sirius
Brutor Tribe
Posted - 2008.11.14 20:07:00 - [19]
 

Edited by: RU Sirius on 14/11/2008 20:08:20
I like it but hate the formating, it doesn't make it easy to read. Just left justify everything. I would agree with a previous poster on a screenplay format.

"Speakeasy" was really great and it helped having really good readers. Pity about the lame question afterward about whether Ben was really playing a man or a woman.

Wolverine7
Caldari
Mosquitoz
S P A R T A
Posted - 2008.11.15 11:47:00 - [20]
 

"The freed Minmatar tribes are returning to the heartland, but the journey there isn't simple or easy." That qoute was all i needed to hear. I couldnt follow the story line it was to defenition intensive as well as to much into your mind with no refrences and i suggest using more lamin terms to get more of us "reading illiterates" to follow the game. "I cant spell". another thing is i wish game was more geared towards individual play. As a 8 year mmorpg gamer im finding the group play to be the same road that took 3 other mmorpg games down to minimum subscriptions. Have one question. Why is it so important to try and force subscriber's to the group play? I believe it wont work, has never worked and makes no sense why its a goal of CCP's.

static zero
Minmatar
Power of the Phoenix
Posted - 2008.11.15 17:58:00 - [21]
 

Ditto the comments on formatting - it's tough to read when the only difference between the character names and the dialogue is caps. The left-justification of actions is particularly tough to read. I'd suggest italics for actions and boldface for character names.

Otherwise it was a fantastic read. I love these short one-act plays, I think they're an awesome way to bring the story to life!

Ethidium Bromide
Amarr
ZEALOT WARRIORS AGAINST TERRORISTS
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
Posted - 2008.11.24 12:29:00 - [22]
 

Edited by: Ethidium Bromide on 24/11/2008 12:42:47
Originally by: CCP Fallout
Originally by: Elaron
Do you know if the play that was at Fanfest (whether what was presented in the chron or something else isn't made clear by you) was recorded as part of the EVE-TV footage that CCP has said should be available in a few weeks?


Yep, it was recorded. It was actually really great, very funny :)


where is it then? i want to see it again! funny agents EDIT: found it, thanks Very Happy
for the chronicle:

interesting read, some nice background info but as said before the format is a little hard to dapat to for the first few lines....
but that's the same with every patch in EVE so i don't careRazz

Ethidium Bromide
Amarr
ZEALOT WARRIORS AGAINST TERRORISTS
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
Posted - 2008.11.24 12:31:00 - [23]
 

Originally by: RU Sirius

"Speakeasy" was really great and it helped having really good readers. Pity about the lame question afterward about whether Ben was really playing a man or a woman.

hehe i wondered about that one as well but you know might have been important for the guys fantasies that night Smile

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2008.11.25 14:55:00 - [24]
 

I'm amazed at how much people seemed to uniformly hate the format, though I'll grant that with a lack of column bounding it gets a little less readable.

Originally by: Onnen Mentar
It's not quite clear to me just what the Ammatar Mandate's situation is at the moment. Is it really just one unstable mess?
Yeah, the Ammatar haven't been mentioned much recently, have they? That's going to change.

Originally by: Onnen Mentar
This seems like a great setting for some complex tragedies on identity and change, emphasizing the dark matter the EVE universe is made of.
Oh man, if you only knew what I have in store... Very Happy

CaldariAdam
Posted - 2009.02.12 08:38:00 - [25]
 

Very good way to give the personal view of a few relocated Minmatar.


 

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