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Acoco Osiris
Gallente
Posted - 2007.08.14 10:44:00 - [31]
 

/me throttles Excena Foer

The first thing I thought of when I found out she'd done Aura's voice-I hated all the "You must be in a station to advance. You must have the assets to advance. You must be in the entryway on a full moon with the stars aligned and the wolves howling to advance." and the lack of of the "Your hull's burning, you're surrounded by enemies, your capacitor's gone, and you're not even shooting! Do something you foolish mortal!"

But aside from my annoyance at Aura, good story.

Fortior
STK Scientific
Black-Out
Posted - 2007.08.14 11:37:00 - [32]
 

Very good stuff. Quite enjoyed this one.

Have you sent it to the voice actor in r/l who supplied the voice? I remember the outcry when the really old comp. generated Aura was replaced by the human aura with the metallic touch Smile

Eldo Davip


ISD YARR
Posted - 2007.08.14 11:54:00 - [33]
 

nice Smile

Per Bastet
Amarr
B.O.O.M
Obsidian Mining Coalition
Posted - 2007.08.14 12:18:00 - [34]
 

Aura is still awesome.

This makes her Even More so

Seramyr l'Ethia
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
Posted - 2007.08.14 14:00:00 - [35]
 

You're coming into your own. Very nice, Abraxas.

Indra Sebuchiore
Posted - 2007.08.14 15:02:00 - [36]
 

I like it. That is all. Proceed.

Krystal Vernet
Minmatar
Posted - 2007.08.14 15:02:00 - [37]
 

Originally by: Cyriel Longinus
I got chills while reading it. Good stuff.


So did I. Loved the story. Kinda inspired me to set writing a poem for Eve as a goal.

Rana Ash
Minmatar
Gradient
Electus Matari
Posted - 2007.08.14 15:44:00 - [38]
 

I loved it, Abraxas you have made me chuckle, go ewww and awww. But this time, this time you had me awestruck.
Tell Eris to give you a hug from me, cause you deserv it Very Happy

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2007.08.14 15:58:00 - [39]
 

Thanks for the nice comments, all. As I mentioned at the start, there are certain reasons for the story being set up this way. Most of you have probably realized it, but for those who haven't, let me spoil one part: I made Barak's speech describe Excena's life. His first line about beauty being accidental and about its creator putting everything into it he can? He's talking about the birth of a child. Excena, in fact. The time when he mentions how the poem has been changed completely from its original version? Excena has just been changed in a very permanent way by the religious zealots. And when Barak speaks of persistence, he's not only talking about writing, but reflecting Excena's efforts in regaining her voice.

The character of Barak doesn't realize this, of course; he cannot see the future. So the challenge was to write a speech that would do a few things: Explicitly defend Excena, implicitly reflect her life, and state truths that are universal but simultaneously reveal the speaker's character. There are other things going on in this story, but they're either passing references or subtler themes. This one runs through the entire narrative, and so I want people to be aware of it. If you like this sort of thing, check out Soft Passage, a story that is basically one long, extended metaphor.

Originally by: WGAnubis Marrith
are you going to do another story, perhaps about Kaoli and his reactions to what happened when Excena released her translation and the following events?
Originally by: Dred 'Morte
When should we expect the ending of the 3 part story Summer Breeze and Winter Came When You Were Away?
Originally by: Typhado3
one question though.... what happens in "Cathedral of the oceans"/"The book of hours"????
I love that people want to hear more about what happened. Smile No, I have no definite plans for followups on any of these - Breeze/Winter is only a two-parter - but that may well change if enough people are interested, me included. When I did Post Mortem so many people loved the character that I decided to use her for the upcoming Black Mountain series.

Originally by: Mardonius
I am being unfair? Have I got the wrong end of the stick? Or is this simply on of the many valid ways of interpreting this work?
You justify your way well, and as far as I'm concerned that's all it needs to be a valid interpretation. Mine is this: First, Excena's voiceover job made her wealthy, so for her it's a happy ending (It also strongly implies that working for capsuleers is a Very Big Deal). Second, it brings her to the ground; I don't want her to be a saint, but a flawed human being with human properties, greed included. Third, it's a style contrast that subtly implies the different worldviews the two protagonists have: You'll note how the matter-of-fact tone of that paragraph contrasts with Barah's own grandiose verbiage that immediately follows. Last, Excena is partly based on Marianne Faithfull, who, by her own admission, has done very much the same in her later years.

Originally by: Fortior
Have you sent it to the voice actor in r/l who supplied the voice?
Not a bad idea, that...

Freki Grimnir
Minmatar
The Plexus Syndicate
The Order of New Eden
Posted - 2007.08.14 18:21:00 - [40]
 

Originally by: CCP Abraxas
Breeze/Winter is only a two-parter - but that may well change if enough people are interested, me included.


/Interested! Most definately.

Verone
Gallente
Veto Corp
Posted - 2007.08.14 20:37:00 - [41]
 


Man, that's some talented writing.

Awesome, yet again.


Galen Darksmith
Caldari Independent Navy Reserve
Posted - 2007.08.14 21:56:00 - [42]
 

I will never look at Aura quite the same way again :-D Awesome writing!!

CaldariAdam
Posted - 2007.08.15 01:06:00 - [43]
 

Thank you for an enjoyable read Abraxas.

Reiisha
Veto Corp
Posted - 2007.08.15 02:05:00 - [44]
 

I was sort of hoping that Aura was an actualy 'copy' of the original... But oh well, this will do :)

Anissa Nasadra
Minmatar
White Wolf Enterprises
Harmonious Ascent
Posted - 2007.08.15 07:58:00 - [45]
 

I have a sort of odd question... could the voice over done for the Revelations II trailer possibly be an excerpt from The Book of Hours, or another work of Excena's? It has a religious feel but seems slightly with odds to the Amarrian belief. Just a random thought as I read the story.

I actually cried when I read of the Kaoli. There is much, much more that touched me about this story but I shall try to simplify it to a single sentence.

This was poetic and romantic with an EVE feel not only in content but in spirit.

Well done sir. Well done.

Bobaflex Doomwalker
Gallente
Conclave United
Posted - 2007.08.15 09:07:00 - [46]
 

Originally by: Freki Grimnir
Originally by: CCP Abraxas
Breeze/Winter is only a two-parter - but that may well change if enough people are interested, me included.


/Interested! Most definately.


Ditto, we need more of this kind of stuff, I really feel that it adds a great deal to the ambiance of Eve's universe.

Sheriff Jones
Amarr
Clinical Experiment
Posted - 2007.08.15 09:46:00 - [47]
 

I love Aura, love every bit, especialyl since the voice change was made more...Aura.

I've always wondered on the background, and thanks for this, though i feel the ending was a "bit" rushed.

Though that would easily be a new story altogether.

Also would be very interested to know where the name Aura came from, did Excena have anything to do with it, was there a reason. And so forth.

All in all, good job, now get to the graphics department and whip 'em into gear on the Eris Discordia and Aura posters Very Happy

Ngwee
Gallente
The Scope
Posted - 2007.08.15 12:03:00 - [48]
 

This time you have surpassed yourself - it did indeed give me shivers to read this.

Excellent indeed.

Very Happy



Hooch Flux
Caldari
Posted - 2007.08.15 13:42:00 - [49]
 

Edited by: Hooch Flux on 15/08/2007 13:43:12
Beautiful!!!Cool

Mallikan
Gallente
Mercury Syndicate
Twilight Federation
Posted - 2007.08.15 20:42:00 - [50]
 

That was amazing. Read that before the next work shift and that put a smile on my face that'll last. Never thought a Chronicle would do that.. Wink

I need to get writing...

Amira Silvermist
The Aegis Militia
Aegis Militia
Posted - 2007.08.15 20:53:00 - [51]
 

Excellent stuff!

(I still hate her guts, but thats another story. Razz)

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2007.08.15 22:29:00 - [52]
 

Originally by: Reiisha
I was sort of hoping that Aura was an actualy 'copy' of the original... But oh well, this will do :)
You know, I played with that idea for a while, but eventually decided to go with the 'thin avatar' concept instead. There are circumstances where you would want an AI to have more of a personality - the doctor in my first story, The Greatest Joke, comes to mind - but when you're in the middle of combat, the last thing you want is to be trading quips with your ship's computer, especially when the original is such a firebrand. She needs to be kept simple, and part of that simplicity is that she can't have a distinguishable personality. However, the designers did a very clever thing in hiring Excena for the job, as not only does her voice already have a metallic quality to it, but she's so well known that people feel they already know her, and thus lend her voice all the humanity it might otherwise lack.

Originally by: Krystal Vernet
Loved the story. Kinda inspired me to set writing a poem for Eve as a goal.
Originally by: Mallikan
I need to get writing...
Go for it. Just accept that what comes out on the page will never be what you see in your head. Smile Writing is an exercise in stubbornness and frustration, but it will net you the occasional moment of serendipity if you keep at it.

Originally by: Anissa Nasadra
I have a sort of odd question... could the voice over done for the Revelations II trailer possibly be an excerpt from The Book of Hours, or another work of Excena's? It has a religious feel but seems slightly with odds to the Amarrian belief.
Interesting question. Yes, technically it could be a bowdlerized quote from The Book of Hours, since I wrote the text for that trailer (eventually cutting it by half to fit the video sequence). I was going for a heavy religious tone that would be a little different from the usual Amarr stuff, and a Gallentean might well write something like it.

And I'm glad you liked the story. I try to touch on the quiet tones every now and then, to switch things up and keep people from getting used to getting the same thing every time.

In the next story, we'll go for loudness again, and someone will get shot in the head.

HankMurphy
Minmatar
Pelennor Swarm
Posted - 2007.08.16 01:04:00 - [53]
 

My god man. Shocked

Perfect.

Foppemoa
Caldari
Royal Swedish Capsulers Inc.
Posted - 2007.08.16 07:36:00 - [54]
 

Neat'o

Misguided
Hope and Change
Posted - 2007.08.16 12:13:00 - [55]
 

Just

Plain

Awesome.

The best chronicle so far, and I've enjoyed quite a few.

Franga
NQX Innovations
Posted - 2007.08.16 12:25:00 - [56]
 

I like your stuff.

Kadesh Priestess
Scalding Chill
Posted - 2007.08.16 13:35:00 - [57]
 

Edited by: Kadesh Priestess on 16/08/2007 13:36:27
Niice... usually when i begin to read new chronicle i have weird mood. Adn when i finish doing that i have feeling of something... epic. Maybe that's all these amarrian speeches :)

And, thx for pointing out that soft passage is huge metaphor, i hadn't catched it (i've read all chronicles in 3-4 days, with this cpd (chronicles-per-day :) ) rate it's hard to notice everything + eng isn't my native - i'm russian). Will reread it tonight...

Few notes - as someone told above about cartoon-like illustrations, i agree with him.

And most of the latest chronicles doesn't fit initial 'chronicle' idea imo. Gallente-caldary war ones do, and all other texts mostly describing eve universe without 'poetry' :P
Latest ones would look much better in short stories section... or am i missing some point again?

wiggyman
Caldari
Gallentean Industry Syndicate
Posted - 2007.08.16 22:45:00 - [58]
 

Edited by: wiggyman on 16/08/2007 22:45:25
Originally by: CCP Abraxas
when you're in the middle of combat, the last thing you want is to be trading quips with your ship's computer.


i think it might make combat a bit more appealing to me, having the AI be sarcastic about picking on frigates in a sniper raven or harrasing hulks in a dictor.

Arenis Xemdal
Amarr
Insidious Existence
RAZOR Alliance
Posted - 2007.08.17 06:07:00 - [59]
 

I enjoyed reading this one a lot. Good work.

Lief Siddhe
Siddhean Inc.
Intaki Prosperity Initiative
Posted - 2007.08.17 13:34:00 - [60]
 

Very nicely written, also gave me goosebumps while reading. Keep up the great work!


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