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CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2006.12.04 18:26:00 - [1]
 

Todays piece is called "The History of Flight". There's no blood, no murder, no horrible mutilations of any kind, and no Fedo suckling.It's simply a nice story, partly about the burdens of parenthood, and partly about the limitations we put on ourselves. Unfortunately we can't supply a picture with this piece, but we hope that won't significantly lessen your enjoyment.

Garreck
Amarr Border Defense Consortium
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
Posted - 2006.12.04 20:34:00 - [2]
 

Heart warming.

General Xerxes
GREY COUNCIL
Cruel Intentions
Posted - 2006.12.04 22:06:00 - [3]
 

I want little drones to buzz around me! Razz

Nice chronicle, as always. Smile

Bruno Bonner
Gallente
Lutin Group
Posted - 2006.12.04 22:20:00 - [4]
 

very refreshing and left me with a smile on my face.

good work
Bruno

Ezekiel Sulastin
Gallente
Shiva
Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2006.12.04 23:10:00 - [5]
 

Aww :)

Nice to know there can be a good non-depressing Chronicle ...

Forger
Posted - 2006.12.05 02:25:00 - [6]
 

ahhhh... no picture

Yoshito Sanders
Amarr
Caldari Independent Navy Reserve
The Fourth District
Posted - 2006.12.05 02:52:00 - [7]
 

It was good, it was fun. The ending was alright, but it was too "telly" for my tastes. Things like "he felt a mental block begin to give way" and "He knew how incredibly silly he must look, and he found that he no longer cared." could have been just taken out and it would have made a better ending. Those lines are essentially saying "Look, he's having an epiphany! Everyone too stupid to get it, there's your explanation!"

Nooey
Omerta Syndicate
Exuro Mortis
Posted - 2006.12.05 08:48:00 - [8]
 

Whilst I agree you kinda have a point Yoshi, keep in mind, that with the amount of readers, one has to make their story as accessible as possible. You're a pretty smart guy and so yes, you don't need to be told things quite so much. But I'm sure there's far younger, less cluey readers out there who benefit from (what I percieved as) a slight leaning towards the "Tell", and away from the "Show". I'm guessing Abraxas would have rathered leave it out too, but sometimes making your story more accessible to a wider audience demands sacrifices in artistic integrity. I don't feel like the sacrifice made here was particularly large, or detracted from the story in any significant way - rather that it opened the meaning of the story up to a wider audience. That's just me though.

Anyways...I love this Chron so much. Oh so much....Very Happy I encourage you in the strongest sense possible to put out more like it.

Whilst I'm also a fan of pure backstory chrons, I feel like this style of Chron is sorely lacking in a broader sense of all the pieces we have to draw on. I have a bit of a soft spot for the more universal, timeless, acontextual themes you explored here, burdens of parenthood etc. It's so refreshing to see the "human" and "humble" side of things given primacy, and being used as a medium to bring parts of the Eve world out. If you read through all the Chrons, you get this impression sometimes of a very dramatic, high-tension, oh-so-important world or wars and intrigue. Things like this piece bring the perspective back to more frail, human and ultimately beautiful universe in such a great way.

Awesome work. <3

Horoc'h Ryydell
Gallente
Midnight Enterprises
Midnight Space Syndicate
Posted - 2006.12.05 12:59:00 - [9]
 

Love this story!

And Yoshi, English is not the first language for everybody, so for better understanding it is a good thing to use some extra words every now and then ;-)

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2006.12.06 20:45:00 - [10]
 

Originally by: Yo****o Sanders
The ending was alright, but it was too "telly" for my tastes.


It's debatable. I see your point, but it could just as easily be argued that had those lines been left out, the story's climax wouldn't have signified anything other than a momentary relapse from shyness, if even that.

"Show, don't tell" is a guideline, and as with so many others, it's one that should be judiciously applied. At any given point in a story, the question facing its writer isn't "how can I show this instead of telling?" but "how can I most effectively convey this to the reader?" I'm not talking about feeding information to the reader - anyone can do that - but ensuring that he understands what you're saying on both an intellectual and emotional level.

Occasionally you can do this by implication, but it's a hard trick that can easily backfire, either because your symbolism is too transparent (which renders your story maudlin) or too opaque (which renders it arty and boring). More often, you will need to to use expository dialogue, as Helena does when she tells Sonal how repressed he is, or have to take a dip into the characters' minds and tell the reader exactly what's going on there, as in the last paragraph of the story. Neither one of these methods is intrinsically bad. In this particular case, had I used dialogue instead, or broken up the paragraph into shorter sections, its pacing (which is rather breathless) wouldn't work any longer. The omnicient viewpoint jars a little, because it's the first time I apply it during the entire story, but it's more natural to the state Sonal is in than having him speak to Helena.

That's not to say that "Show, don't tell" is a bad guideline, but it isn't aimed at getting you to avoid internal dialogue. Perfectly good stories can be written in a third person omnicient viewpoint (and there's a name for the ones that avoid it completely: Plays). Rather, it's aimed at getting you to avoid explaining things too heavily to the reader. "He knew that from now on he would have an easier time letting go of himself, and he remembered Helena's earlier comment about his repression," would be overdoing it. But if there was no internal dialogue, you wouldn't even know that he'd had an epiphany at all, as having him wave his arms around is not enough to convey that to the reader.


Originally by: Nooey
sometimes making your story more accessible to a wider audience demands sacrifices in artistic integrity


You're talking about someone who wrote a Fedo suckling scene. I'm not sure what that says about my artistic integrity, but accessibilty to a wider audience is the least of my worries. Very Happy


Originally by: Nooey
It's so refreshing to see the "human" and "humble" side of things given primacy, and being used as a medium to bring parts of the Eve world out. If you read through all the Chrons, you get this impression sometimes of a very dramatic, high-tension, oh-so-important world or wars and intrigue. Things like this piece bring the perspective back to more frail, human and ultimately beautiful universe in such a great way.


Thanks. I'd say it arises from caring about the characters you create, and realizing that wars are fought at home just as on the battlefield.

Yoshito Sanders
Amarr
Caldari Independent Navy Reserve
The Fourth District
Posted - 2006.12.09 08:32:00 - [11]
 

Except, of course, that "He was only happy for a few minutes" wouldn't have been a satisfying conclusion to the story. It would have been a non-conclusion, really. I think, taking the entirety of the story into consideration, you could have cut out those omniscient lines and reasonably expected a large number of people to "get" that he was having a true epiphany. As a reader, I feel disappointed when I see stuff like that, because it makes me feel that the author didn't trust me to understand his writing unless he clearly spells it out.

*shrugs* Maybe I'm guilty of overestimating the average reader. And, overall, I felt it was the one weakness in the story.

Viktor Fyretracker
Caldari
Emminent Terraforming
O.G.-Alliance
Posted - 2006.12.11 02:00:00 - [12]
 

its an interesting story, the title had me thinking it was going to be about the history of manned flight in EVE Verse.

Aki Xan
The New Order.
United Connection's
Posted - 2006.12.14 22:10:00 - [13]
 

This is probably my favorite of the latest batch of chronicles. In my opinion, it has some very well chosen character names. lol.

-Aki Xan


 

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