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Beringe
Caldari
Mercurialis Inc.
Posted - 2006.10.25 02:17:00 - [61]
 

Realising that I didn't actually comment on the story in my previous post, I re-read it and have this to say:

1. There are clearly a lot of angles to flesh out in EVE, and the Sisters of EVE are definitely one of them. I'd like to hear more.

2. The man seems to me to be either Gallente or Caldari. The impersonalness around him suggests Caldari (the AI is a nice touch, and represents another angle that should be explored), but the pamphlets are more Gallente (I think). Because of several tiny flavour elements (the café, for one), I feel he's more Gallente. Am I right?

3. There's almost too much of a mystery here. Unless you write a follow-up, the balance between open-endedness and confusion is tilted too much towards the latter. It's a well-written piece, though. I just felt that it could have revealed a little more.


Oh, and re: previous post - please consider the bit about that space at the start of the paragraphs. They really are an eyesore.

Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
Posted - 2006.10.25 04:45:00 - [62]
 

Just had to say this...

"Man of mystery ? Well, if his face looked like a question mark, then yeah, I'd agree, but he looks more like a man of action ! Those exclamation mark features are really unmistakeable.

Can we get this man a face ?
Or if not a face, then at least a question mark instead Twisted Evil

Hardin
Amarr
Imperial Dreams
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
Posted - 2006.10.25 09:03:00 - [63]
 

The CVA approves of this initiative.

Amarr Victor

Iruvera
Posted - 2006.10.25 10:16:00 - [64]
 

Great story. Great flow, great concept, great thoughts. Applause. Paying Abraxas to do what he is meant to do instead of paying him to be yelled at by players in the GM department is definitely a clever move by CCP.
Now I know where to look and what to do every Monday.

T.M.

Pilk
Evolution
IT Alliance
Posted - 2006.10.25 12:49:00 - [65]
 

Originally by: Hakera
will hold you to that :)

For every default, You have to deliver a fully fitted fleet issue stabber to my hanger, then sing one of the cheeky girls numerous *ahem* hits (classy UK erm... pop 'act') out loud so the rest of CCP can hear :p

I hate you with a deep and abiding passion for referring me to that song, which I have now heard and which will thus fill the portion of my brain responsible for repeating inanity back to me well into the forseeable future.

Originally by: Beringe
Oh, and re: previous post - please consider the bit about that space at the start of the paragraphs. They really are an eyesore.

Proper paragraphs begin with an indent. I found it made it more readable, actually. The typical Internet facsimile of a paragraph--a block of test separated by a linebreak--is far more painful to read over the course of long treatises than a compact-but-indented style.

All else aside, an excellent move by CCP, and a nice story by Abraxas. Bravo.

--P

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2006.10.25 15:02:00 - [66]
 

Originally by: Beringe
The man seems to me to be either Gallente or Caldari. The impersonalness around him suggests Caldari (the AI is a nice touch, and represents another angle that should be explored), but the pamphlets are more Gallente (I think). Because of several tiny flavour elements (the café, for one), I feel he's more Gallente. Am I right?


Good question. He's Gallente, though the reason for that is mostly that he started off as a side character in a much longer story where he was identified as a Gallentean. I try not to explicitly identify people as members of a particular race unless there's a good reason to do so. It's way too easy to begin relying on stereotypes (Caldari as industrious drones, Amarr as religious zealots, etc.) and hyperbole, and while those have their place, they can at times do disservice to one's characters. Most people are too complex to fall neatly into racial categories.

Originally by: Beringe
There's almost too much of a mystery here. Unless you write a follow-up, the balance between open-endedness and confusion is tilted too much towards the latter. It's a well-written piece, though. I just felt that it could have revealed a little more.


No worries, there'll be more (though probably not this year). Think of this one as the opening salvo.

Originally by: Pilk
Proper paragraphs begin with an indent. I found it made it more readable, actually. The typical Internet facsimile of a paragraph--a block of test separated by a linebreak--is far more painful to read over the course of long treatises than a compact-but-indented style.


That pretty much covers my feelings on the subject. Any text of decent length will have plenty of paragraphs that terminate at the end of the right-hand border, which leaves it up to the indents to show the reader that a new paragraph has started. It's an industry standard, so if it annoys you, you'll be tearing your hair out at any paper-published book you read.

Incidentally, the next piece will be a horror story. No stylistic tricks, but there is an overarching metaphor, and I look forward to seeing how many readers figure it out. There's a good reason why the action will progress through three rooms ...

Valhyven
Posted - 2006.10.25 17:07:00 - [67]
 

good one Smile

Gorin N'Osho
Posted - 2006.10.25 17:55:00 - [68]
 

Edited by: Gorin N''Osho on 25/10/2006 17:55:44
EDIT:- Removed cos I posted with wrong character

Freki Grimnir
Minmatar
The Plexus Syndicate
The Order of New Eden
Posted - 2006.10.25 17:56:00 - [69]
 

Very nice! I've been hoping for some new Chronicles for a while now as I can't buy EON. I was getting to the point where I was going to write my own and submit them (which I might still do actually...never say never)

For me it had a very William Gibson sort of feel to it, reminded me of Neuromancer and the lead character Case. I dunno, but I also got a bit of an Alastair Reynolds vibe from it cos of the writing style; but hey that's no bad thing as I'm a fan of both!

Anyway, I liked this Abraxas, and I can't wait to what you've got for us next!Very Happy

HankMurphy
Minmatar
Pelennor Swarm
Posted - 2006.10.25 20:40:00 - [70]
 

nice work!

keep the chronicles coming, we'd all love to see another short story or two as well. Cant get enough of the background stories.

SpaceDrake Taleweaver
Posted - 2006.10.25 21:03:00 - [71]
 

Edited by: SpaceDrake Taleweaver on 25/10/2006 21:03:29
Extremely nice, though as I've said elsewhere I'm venomously jealous of your new job. Razz If there are secret rituals involving goats that will get me a writing job at CCP, let me know.

For my part, I had no problem with the "mystical" element of the story because it's left open to interpretation. Are we seeing Teh Magikz? Is it some kind of technological illusion? Something else entirely? We don't know, and the text allows us to make our own conclusions. I liked that. It's no more "spiritual" than Ametat & Avetat, and that has certain technological explanations as well.

I also liked the AI doc (hooray for ranting at an auditory brick wall), and I agree with your thoughts about cloning - in fact, I had taken it a bit further. With guys who own their own cloning operations, like the infamous Salvador Sarpati, who says they even age? They can just produce a proper-age clone at certain intervals and hop into a new body at their leisure. It's something I'd like to see explored (or explore myselfWink).

Anyway, I await more new stuff with bated breath.

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2006.10.25 23:20:00 - [72]
 

Edited by: CCP Abraxas on 25/10/2006 23:32:21
Originally by: Iruvera
Now I know where to look and what to do every Monday.

T.M.


Thank you, MJJ. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Originally by: Freki Grimnir
For me it had a very William Gibson sort of feel to it, reminded me of Neuromancer and the lead character Case. I dunno, but I also got a bit of an Alastair Reynolds vibe from it cos of the writing style; but hey that's no bad thing as I'm a fan of both!


The Gibson comparison is extremely flattering, thanks. I haven't read Reynolds, but his books look interesting, so I'll give him a go.

Originally by: HankMurphy
keep the chronicles coming, we'd all love to see another short story or two as well.


One of the upcoming pieces verges on being a short story, as does the one I'm writing at the moment, and I've got about half a dozen others in varying stages of completion. Smile

Originally by: SpaceDrake Taleweaver
Extremely nice, though as I've said elsewhere I'm venomously jealous of your new job. [...]For my part, I had no problem with the "mystical" element of the story because it's left open to interpretation. Are we seeing Teh Magikz? Is it some kind of technological illusion? Something else entirely? We don't know, and the text allows us to make our own conclusions. I liked that. It's no more "spiritual" than Ametat & Avetat, and that has certain technological explanations as well.


Yeah, someone pointed that thread out to me recently. Pretty much every conclusion drawn about me there was off the mark, but I didn't have the heart to weigh in and correct people. Smile I'll be happy to introduce myself at the FF if anyone wants, so long as nobody tries to peek up my kilt or assassinate me to increase their own job chances.

As for the interpretation, good point. Like the man said, Any sufficiently advanced technology etc. For what it's worth, I intentionally wrote this story with overtones of mysticism, and for good reasons that'll become clear when I write the sequels ... but really, when you contrast the marbles with supposedly more 'mundane' elements in the canon, they really aren't that special. When you've got something like Vitoc in the game world, or even just something like Egonics, both of whom are amazing concepts, and when the level of man-machine interaction has risen to the stage where you can actually take a drug to enhance your ship's performance, it's a trivial step to assume that you can invent some manner of item that induces hallucinations, alters mood and causes synaesthesia.

Originally by: SpaceDrake Taleweaver
With guys who own their own cloning operations, like the infamous Salvador Sarpati, who says they even age? They can just produce a proper-age clone at certain intervals and hop into a new body at their leisure. It's something I'd like to see explored (or explore myselfWink).


That one's a potential minefield, though. I can't recall what the clone article says about this, but once you've introduced the option of substituting younger or healthier clones, you've effectively handed immortality on a silver platter to anyone with a clone contract and enough money. The Amarrians, who have a fairly theocratical society, would be hit hard by this.

Now, on the other hand, if you're a pirate like Sarpati and thus don't have to play by the normal rules, there's nothing that says you couldn't just activate one of your clones at whatever time you like, thereby doubling your administrative powers. Of course, you'd have to be prepared to deal with someone who was literally your equal, which is probably why the practice hasn't gained much traction among the more cutthroat factions.YARRRR!!

Snikkt
Khargon Munitions
Posted - 2006.10.26 00:17:00 - [73]
 

Very well written, you deserve all the praise you get for it.

And I think it's great you're responding to your adoring fans =P

I can't wait to see the next installment.



Saint Lazarus
Pwn 'N Play
Chaos Theory Alliance
Posted - 2006.10.26 08:55:00 - [74]
 

Nice one, I loved the whole style and a damn fine story too Wink


also liked the flashbacks to the AI doc, really nicely done

Freki Grimnir
Minmatar
The Plexus Syndicate
The Order of New Eden
Posted - 2006.10.26 11:37:00 - [75]
 

Originally by: CCP Abraxas
so long as nobody tries to peek up my kilt or assassinate me to increase their own job chances.



Dunno mate, if you get kilted up for FF there's going to be a seriously active "Is he wearing it like a true Scotsman?" thread...then we'll see if you weigh in to displel folks' misconceptions Wink

Originally by: CCP Abraxas

Now, on the other hand, if you're a pirate like Sarpati and thus don't have to play by the normal rules, there's nothing that says you couldn't just activate one of your clones at whatever time you like, thereby doubling your administrative powers. Of course, you'd have to be prepared to deal with someone who was literally your equal, which is probably why the practice hasn't gained much traction among the more cutthroat factions.YARRRR!!


This is an interesting point for me, and one which I had started my own "chronicle" around. I could be missing some background here, but my interpretation of the cloning system is this: the clone body is lifeless and the consciousness is 'transmitted'to the station by the pod at point of death.
If this is the case then early activation of a dormant clone would just give rise to a dribbling lump of flesh. That's my interpretation of One Man Too Many and Doppelganger.

Arlen Warstadt
Posted - 2006.10.26 22:57:00 - [76]
 

Extremely well done. It took a few readings to get the gist (since he was sort of bouncing between the conversation with the Sister and the AI Doctor), but that's not a negative point. It made me appreciate it all the more

Really nice thoughts on simplicity and complexity as he becomes "enlightened." I'm a fan. Very Happy

Beringe
Caldari
Mercurialis Inc.
Posted - 2006.10.26 23:38:00 - [77]
 

Originally by: Pilk

Proper paragraphs begin with an indent. I found it made it more readable, actually. The typical Internet facsimile of a paragraph--a block of test separated by a linebreak--is far more painful to read over the course of long treatises than a compact-but-indented style.


I hate to keep bringing this up, since it's really nothing to do with the story, but...

Shouldn't the indentation be more than just a single space, then? I mean, a standard indent is usually at least clearly two spaces, if not more. Typically five, in fact.

Bah, even I hate me after saying this. I'll shut up now.

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2006.10.27 10:30:00 - [78]
 

Edited by: CCP Abraxas on 27/10/2006 10:31:03
Originally by: Beringe
I mean, a standard indent is usually at least clearly two spaces, if not more.


Standard indentation is two spaces, with the exception of the first paragraph in a chapter. Every indented line in this story has two spaces, not one. You can verify this by copying the text from the story, pasting it into the word editor of your choice and counting the spaces. If it looks like one space, that's just because of the font size and style.

If there's some place in the story where there are not two spaces in an indentation then I've made a booboo, in which case you're welcome to point out the offending paragraph. Smile

zibelthurdos
Concrete Developments
LOADED CONCRETE
Posted - 2006.10.27 11:13:00 - [79]
 

i get it, at least i think i do.

great stuff, more please.

Helen Baque
Gallente
Federal Defence Union
Posted - 2006.10.27 15:29:00 - [80]
 

Originally by: Beringe
Shouldn't the indentation be more than just a single space, then? I mean, a standard indent is usually at least clearly two spaces, if not more. Typically five, in fact. Bah, even I hate me after saying this. I'll shut up now.

It's okay, readability is important. The Internet is awesome, but has yet to match the simple and profound pleasure of a well-typeset book.

The traditional paragraph indent is 1 em. That's a space that varies from font to font, but is theoretically the width of the 'M' character. I think an indent width from 1 em up to the leading (the inter-line distance) works well.

Indents measured in spaces are from typewriting, not typesetting, and have been driving people with even a little typesetting experience crazy for years. :-)

CSS will let you specify indents in ems for web pages (or pixels, or points, et cetera), so you could set a 1 em indent and let it scale automatically with font and text size. I think that will produce more consistent results than any given number of spaces, but it varies by the browser's rendering engine.

The problem is that small indents don't work really well on a monitor (IMNSHO). I don't know if it's because a computer screen glows instead of reflects, or if it's the refresh rates or something, but computer screens are hard for a lot of people to read. In practice, fixes like larger indents or entire blank lines are used, but they don't look quite as finished as the older book-style look.

Darina Rea
Sovereign Hospitaller Order of Saint Katherine
Posted - 2006.10.27 16:36:00 - [81]
 

It's a nice story.
Only I didn't get the joke Crying or Very sad.


Literature
Posted - 2006.10.27 16:43:00 - [82]
 

Well, while we're nitpicking, Abraxas wrote:

"With baited breaths, they course toward their fate."

I believe the word you want is "bated." If I spoke to someone with "baited" breath I would offer them some Dentyne. Quickly. Wink

Beyond that? This was the strongest writing I've read in the Chronicles to date. I'm only 2/3 through them (starting from the most recent and working my way back -- hey! I'm new here!) but this, honestly, shelves you with EVE's best writers.

(And good luck with the whole weekly output thing Shocked. You've just invited a world of hurt into your writing life. "Whaddaya mean I have another one due? I just did one!")

Seth Enkar
Gallente
High Guard Argosy
Rising Sun Alliance
Posted - 2006.10.27 23:14:00 - [83]
 

-shrug- i didn't like it...

i hate to sound mean, but comments were requested..

I felt the story wasn't put together well..i get that it's about exploration, but it still made no sense. It wasn't well thought out, or executed..Dying man finds hope when he's plucked from his normal life by the sisters, to go hunt down funny colored rocks that make you feel good?....hardly worth reading...

The dialogue was difficult to follow in most places, as was the central narrative..and this is where i had the biggest problem...the central narrative was seriously lacking in tone and substance, and at times was just very lazily put together, having the appearance of having been simply slapped together with no thought put to a flowing, descriptive, atmospheric narrative...it was actually rather frustrating to read....the whole affair left me asking myself "what was the point of this piece?"

There were plenty of words, but no life....i didn't find myself caring about the lead, or about the events...all of the other eve chronicles were very well written, this one was not....i mean, it sounds outstandingly arrogant to say i could do better...but i honestly belive i could..

at any rate..i realise he's just starting at this, so i give the benefit of the doubt...maybe he's a really good writer, and this piece was just a fluke -shrug- who knows...

was i really the only person who didn't like this one?

CCP Abraxas

Posted - 2006.10.28 01:24:00 - [84]
 

Originally by: Darina Rea
It's a nice story.
Only I didn't get the joke Crying or Very sad.


The joke is death, and as with most kinds of meaningful comedy it derives its humour from being suffused with cruelty, heartbreak and sorrow.

Originally by: Literature
I believe the word you want is "bated."


Oh, damn. So it is. Thanks for the heads-up; I hate making errors like that. And thanks for the compliments, too.

Originally by: Literature
(And good luck with the whole weekly output thing Shocked. You've just invited a world of hurt into your writing life. "Whaddaya mean I have another one due? I just did one!")


Well, it started out as a biweekly plan, but we eventually got to the point where it'd take a year simply to publish what I've written and outlined so far. We'll stick to the weekly schedule until the point where I start to burn out, by which time Gnauton will have me tossed to the sharks in the harbour.

Originally by: Seth Enkar
i mean, it sounds outstandingly arrogant to say i could do better...but i honestly belive i could..


Go for it. Seriously. I disagree with your judgment - I feel the story displays a depth and pathos that won't easily be equalled - but if you think you can write a better one, you should absolutely do so. Either you'll find, whether by your own opinion or that of the masses here, that it really isn't as easy as you thought, or you'll find that you were right all along, in which case Gnauton will probably have a brain aneurysm from the sheer joy of having discovered you. It's said that a lot of good writers started off their careers by reading something and thinking, "Hell, I can do better", so if you're one, this could be your catalyst.

SpaceDrake Taleweaver
Posted - 2006.10.28 04:36:00 - [85]
 

Originally by: CCP Abraxas
... or you'll find that you were right all along, in which case Gnauton will probably have a brain aneurysm from the sheer joy of having discovered you.


At the risk of being dangerously snide, it would help those of us on the "outside" if Gnauton would at least dash off a brief reply to our emails when we do send them in... Razz Even saying "you suck, go die in a hole and never email me again" is better than meeting a wall of silence.

Quote:
We'll stick to the weekly schedule until the point where I start to burn out, by which time Gnauton will have me tossed to the sharks in the harbour.


Excellent! I must go equip the sharks with laser beams. Razz

Seth Enkar
Gallente
High Guard Argosy
Rising Sun Alliance
Posted - 2006.10.28 05:27:00 - [86]
 

Originally by: CCP Abraxas
Go for it. Seriously. I disagree with your judgment - I feel the story displays a depth and pathos that won't easily be equalled - but if you think you can write a better one, you should absolutely do so. Either you'll find, whether by your own opinion or that of the masses here, that it really isn't as easy as you thought, or you'll find that you were right all along, in which case Gnauton will probably have a brain aneurysm from the sheer joy of having discovered you. It's said that a lot of good writers started off their careers by reading something and thinking, "Hell, I can do better", so if you're one, this could be your catalyst.


well, thanks for the intelligent reply...usually that kind of honesty gets me a "eat ****, dumbass"....respect to you.

the problem lies in that to write for something like this, i'd need guidelines...for my own stuff, yeah, i can go and just write..but when it's writing within the confines of someone else's creation, i can't do that...

if i wanted to seriously give this a try, who would i contact about that?

ShuffCha
Posted - 2006.10.28 09:03:00 - [87]
 

someone sad: "Technologie behind the borders of understanding and traceability may appear as magic"

Something that kind ;)

Even today there's technologie with effords and effects ment to appear as magic or mystical ... exspecially the militarys.

Darina Rea
Sovereign Hospitaller Order of Saint Katherine
Posted - 2006.10.28 11:09:00 - [88]
 

Originally by: CCP Abraxas
The joke is death, and as with most kinds of meaningful comedy it derives its humour from being suffused with cruelty, heartbreak and sorrow.


I can see the joke now I think.
But I must hate meaningfull comedy because it wasn't humoures at all. At first I thought it was that he's spending the remainder of his short life searching for 'happy spheres'. Wink

Freki Grimnir
Minmatar
The Plexus Syndicate
The Order of New Eden
Posted - 2006.10.28 12:11:00 - [89]
 

Originally by: CCP Abraxas
Originally by: Darina Rea
It's a nice story.
Only I didn't get the joke Crying or Very sad.


The joke is death, and as with most kinds of meaningful comedy it derives its humour from being suffused with cruelty, heartbreak and sorrow.



I thought the joke was Life, and the punchline was death and how futile it all was...Sad

Originally by: The Greatest Joke

The grand joke has come to its punchline at last.


Otto Remer
Posted - 2006.10.28 18:44:00 - [90]
 

Excellent tale. Makes me yearn for the day that I can get out of this frigate and into a ship that can survive the rigours of deep space exporation! (hint-CCP if you make ENOUGH new un-explored space . . we short timers might actually live long enough to find something cool too!)


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