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INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE
Posted - 2006.07.28 12:54:00 - [121]
 

Edited by: INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE on 23/08/2006 17:04:43
The next part of my adventure is quite image heavy, so I'm afraid we will have to endure the link clicking for now. I'll aim to create a blog in the next day or so.

Complex Numbers

Astonishingly, not a single one of these seven heretics expressed even the slightest modicum of alarm at my bold and brash insult. Perhaps these were war-hardened veterans who had spent their childhoods slaving away in the scordite mines of empire space.

Or even worse, perhaps they were afk....

Clearly, this required a stronger plan so I decided to use the most deadly weapon available to a man in a shuttle. I was going to drop the verbal nuclear bomb. I had no other choice but to make a direct derogatory remark that I knew would fill them with hatred towards me.....

I slowly opened my quivering mouth, and uttered the ultimate blasphemy:

Link

As you can see, local erupted in a fit of rage. I was targetted by not one, not two, but an astonshing THREE PILOTS, who were clearly incensed and enraged members of Emilio's inner guard.

I knew that my podding was imminent and I smiled as I awaited the hail of rail-gun fire to strike me down at any second. However, "any second" soon addded an "m" and an "s" and became "many seconds". I began to become slightly suspicious.

My overview looked like this:

Link

As of yet, I had not been fired upon. I also noted the two frozen corpses dangling beside the combat drones, hanging ominously in space, almost as if they had been deliberately placed there as a stark warning.....

Link

I zoomed out to see my ship at a distance. What on earth could be happening?

Link

It would appear that, intriguingly, I had been fired at, but not by a gun. Someone was firing a Stasis Webifier at me. I was being "webbered"....... I quickly looked at my console and saw that my speed had dropped by approximately 85%.

Link

Great, so not only was I not being podded, I was also being held hostage by someone who deemed it necessary to correct my mathematical estimations. Well, I decided that I would counter his smarmy remark with some mathematics of my own. Another webber was fired at me and I grabbed the opportunity:

Link

To my abject horror and disdain at my own sloppiness, I realised that I had made a critical miscalculation. I had not been slowed by 86.25% squared at all. The correct figure was:

0.8625 + ( ( 1-0.8625 ) x 0.8625 )

It was an understandable oversight, given the tense situation at hand.....

However, I was furiously embarrassed and decided to rapidly divert attention from this numerical blunder by rubbing salt into the wounds I had opened, and reminding my docile captors that I had, only moments ago, insulted their boss:

Link

Note that I had ingeniously, and subtly, planted the idea in their minds that my death was "imminent".

Then at last, finally, nothing happened. Then (in the words of the immortal Douglas Adams): after a few minutes more, nothing continued to happen. It was at this point that I observed the shocking design of the main ship in their fleet:

Link

I couldn't help but notice that this vessel bore a striking resemblance to an erect genital organ....

Could this get any more embararassing? I was being "attacked" by a giant schlong. The thought briefly passed my mind that maybe I had discovered the first prototype MGRL "deep space cruiser"...

(to be continued...)

Gariuys
Evil Strangers Inc.
Posted - 2006.07.28 12:59:00 - [122]
 

Get that blog up soon cause this is a very nice read.

Kerushi
Naval Protection Corp
Intrepid Crossing
Posted - 2006.07.28 13:11:00 - [123]
 

awsom read Laughing

sent u some isk aswell so u don`t have to leave 0.0 and can continue posting ugh

Jin Entres
Malevolent Intervention
Posted - 2006.07.28 13:47:00 - [124]
 

Very entertaining. Keep it up!

Daar
Gallente
United Alliance
Posted - 2006.07.28 13:54:00 - [125]
 

Originally by: INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE
I couldn't help but notice that this vessel bore a striking resemblance to an erect genital organ....

Oh boy... just wait till someone get's out a Thorax to do that. Laughing

Seriously, CCP should really do something about that ship. Rolling Eyes

XeXiLiA DwArFsTaR
Minmatar
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:06:00 - [126]
 

Very nice read Very Happy
And yea, get a blog up, this is very nice stuff Wink

Ishana
Minmatar
Eve Space Exploration Guild
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:08:00 - [127]
 

Awsome read!! Laughing

TrippyX
The Syndicate Inc
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:09:00 - [128]
 

Awesome read!!

Splagada
Minmatar
Tides of Silence
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:10:00 - [129]
 

Originally by: INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE
Could this get any more embararassing? I was being "attacked" by a giant schlong. The thought briefly passed my mind that maybe I had discovered the first prototype MGRL "deep space cruiser"...


i loled :D

Sharcy
Sonnema
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:18:00 - [130]
 

This thread is seriously hindering my ability to read the forums @work... Trying to keep a straight face to prevent my colleagues asking what the heck I'm reading is virtually impossible. If Emilio Estevez ever starts playing EVE, he'll *snip* himself laughing LaughingLaughing

Please do not attempt to evade the profanity-filter. -Ivan K

Acuzio
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:19:00 - [131]
 

Well I didn't think I had a sense of humour until I read this! FFS this is so hilarious 07

Bravo!!!

Zarik Wan
Gallente
Boob Heads
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:27:00 - [132]
 

Great read, definitely helping me pass the time in work while ehh doing nothing. Very Happy as others have said, get the blog up.

Kamal Aamma
Posted - 2006.07.28 14:32:00 - [133]
 

This is the best post ever and I want MORE! Very Happy

Solan
Dreamscape
Daisho Syndicate
Posted - 2006.07.28 15:06:00 - [134]
 

To you good sir I need to give a huge thank you. I happen to live in one of the systems you previously mentioned so if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to send me a piece of mail. I'd be happy to offer any assistance I can. My standing towards you has been increased.

Torrence Osti
A.W.M
Posted - 2006.07.28 15:24:00 - [135]
 

Hey INNOMINATE do you have stairs in your house? Rolling Eyes

Vladimir Ilych
Gradient
Electus Matari
Posted - 2006.07.28 16:22:00 - [136]
 

Excellent thread. Please keep up the posts. Very Happy

Elminsters Hat
Minmatar
The Arrow Project
Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2006.07.28 16:29:00 - [137]
 

I thought it was (1 - 0.8625)^2

Keep the stories comin, I'm loving it!

darkdev2
Posted - 2006.07.28 16:40:00 - [138]
 

Man this is funny to read keep it up love to read more

Phoenix Lord
The Scope
Posted - 2006.07.28 16:55:00 - [139]
 

ROFL. keep on doing this man, maybe ill pay you a lil visit when i get on in K-8.

Jim McGregor
Posted - 2006.07.28 17:08:00 - [140]
 


I had to check this long thread out since it was... long. And damn, its one of the best threads ever created here. Really funny... keep it up. Laughing

Kari Kayira
Easter Corporation
Vanguard.
Posted - 2006.07.28 17:12:00 - [141]
 

I saw the caps lock'd name and figured this thread would be "amusing," in the sarcastic sense. Yet here I am, laughing my arse off. Well done! I definately support the notion that EON should get some material off you. I would love to read it.

INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE
Posted - 2006.07.28 17:14:00 - [142]
 

As requested, for those who prefer "blog format" I have created one for you:

The 0.0 Experiment - Official Story & Blog

I will continue to post my updates in this thread too, for those who prefer to read them and comment on them here.

The next shocking part, detailing the outcome of my smack-talking will be online shortly....

Thanks again for the support. I'm having a wild time in 0.0. Now perhaps someone could help a confused me to figure out how to get rid of that exclamation mark and replace it with my brutish portrait!

Nafri
Caldari
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Posted - 2006.07.28 17:24:00 - [143]
 

How dare you to insult our secret overlord?


May the nosferatu staton devour your soul

Jim McGregor
Posted - 2006.07.28 17:25:00 - [144]
 


I wish more players would do this. That blog goes in my bookmarks to be checked daily.

Hakashi
Perkone
Posted - 2006.07.28 18:12:00 - [145]
 

A great read indeed! I have added this to my RSS feeds so I can read it whenever its updated. Keep the stories comming!

Good Hunting.

Sevarus James
Minmatar
Meridian Dynamics
Posted - 2006.07.28 18:52:00 - [146]
 

Ditto here to subscribing. This has got to be one of the best forum threads I've read in quite awhile.

Keep it up and good luck to you little traveller!

Christian Fundamentalists....even out there eh? Shocked
Very HappyVery HappyVery Happy

INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE
Posted - 2006.07.28 19:22:00 - [147]
 

Edited by: INNOMINATE NIGHTMARE on 23/08/2006 16:53:32
Christian Fundamentalists

My plan had failed miserably. Not only had I not made any progress in my 16 jumps home, but I had actually wasted time, attempting to get these carebear henchmen to dispatch me with vim and gusto.

I had no alternative now. I had to spill the beans..........

Link

These were not hostile and nasty people at all. They were carebears at heart and they knew it.

As soon as I politely asked for their assistance, they had helped me. Perhaps, ultimately, we were destined to become friends. I sat back and smiled as I was lovingly attacked by two pilots:

"C Squared", who was only half the equation (E equals M should be the first part but it wasn't) and Avagos who had the pleasure of laying the final blow:

Link

Bingo! A few seconds later and I was safely back in my clone station in Venal, celebrating my time-saving shortcut! I opened my evemail and enjoyed reading my own kill-mail:

Link

"Hold on a second." - I said to myself. "Look at the alliance the guy who podded me belongs to. Now compare this with the alliance that the first guy who randomly killed me belonged to, at the beginning of my thrilling adventure:"

My suspicions were confirmed. The "Arrow Project" had killed me twice. I was uncontrollably enraged by this heinous revelation and immediately googled them to find out who they really were:


The Arrow Project, a Christian human services organization, serves and strengthens children,families and communities by providing homes and services.


Typical! I had been the victim of a double-homicide, at the hands of Christian Fundamentalists! Unbelievable. Who were these guys? I had many unanswered questions. None of this made sense to me but I was determined to do what Backdoor Bandit does on most weekends:


I would dig deep and get to the bottom of it.


I may be a n00b, but I will not be scuppered by these rampaging vagabonds!

Now that I was back home, it was time to start the next phase of my intrepid adventure. Where would I go? I excitedly opened my map and began to plan my next clueless move.

Should I stay a while longer or should I valiantly march off in another random direction, in search of greater glory? Perhaps I would leave it to my fellow Eve citizens to advise me.......

(to be continued........)

Cheice
Caldari
Posted - 2006.07.28 19:39:00 - [148]
 

If you can get there (you seem to have a gift for survival orienteering, but I'm sure they're heavily guarded), I would head to the ice fields. I hear they're visually stunning. The ice itself sells for hundreds of thousands per unit. I think you can mine it with a regular little mining laser too, but I'm not sure about that.

Where there's ice, there's Christians--so don't be surprised if this plot with the Arrow Project thickens...

Admiral Keyes
Minmatar
Sebiestor Tribe
Posted - 2006.07.28 21:06:00 - [149]
 

BEST THREAD EVER!!! Laughing

Keep it up i cant stop laughing over here Laughing

LaughingLaughingLaughing

St Dragon
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Posted - 2006.07.28 21:55:00 - [150]
 

Well done for doing something different Very Happy

Its also nice for you to post an update.


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