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Dorian Tormak
M0N0LITH
Posted - 2011.08.30 19:15:00 - [1]
 

Edited by: Dorian Tormak on 30/08/2011 19:18:38
SPOILER ALERT

I just saw this movie yesterday because my friend made me go and it was absolute crap. He kills approximately 5 evil tribesmen when he is like 10 years old, cuts their heads off, and brings their heads to his father... you can teach kids some things, but... no. The way he did it, too; stabs one in the foot, hits him in the head with an axe and does some kart wheel thing to the other guys and owns them like WHAT THE HELL.

The evil sorceress summons some sand monsters who of course are physically the same as humans only they're made out of sand, and for some reason when one falls on it's back it coughs and has problems breathing as if it's not made out of sand and magic. Not only that but Conan is able to slay them by hacking at them with his sword. THEY ARE MADE OF SAND.

If the crappy movie weren't enough, they totally failed to make even comparable to the original Conan the Barbarian film. The acting was much worse, even Conan's father's acting (Ron Perlman) was better in the original. The music was nowhere near as epic, the story was sooooooo dirty (omg evil mage needs the magic mask to take over the world and conan seeks revenge because he killed his father)

Also, of course, he rescues the chick and kills some henchmen in the forest, but NO, he has to wait till halfway through the movie to just kiss her. I mean, he's a goddamn barbarian, honestly he would have just ****d her right there.

I'm all for B-movies, but this was just pure stupid.

Also, shame on you if you liked it. Noob.

baltec1
Posted - 2011.08.30 20:02:00 - [2]
 

Its a conan movie...

They have next to no plot and have lots of mindless violance. The only difference between this one and the others is that the new conan can express pain.

I had fun watching itVery Happy

Dorian Tormak
M0N0LITH
Posted - 2011.08.30 20:43:00 - [3]
 

Originally by: baltec1
Its a conan movie...

They have next to no plot and have lots of mindless violance. The only difference between this one and the others is that the new conan can express pain.


I take it you never watched the original Conan the Barbarian? No mindless violence there. Just a dramatic epic. The differences between the original and this new popcorn version are astounding.

Originally by: baltec1
I had fun watching itVery Happy


I did as well, to be honest, I still hate it as it ruined Conan in my eyes (though conan the destroyer already did this for me really)

Herzog Wolfhammer
Gallente
Sigma Special Tactics Group
Posted - 2011.08.30 21:30:00 - [4]
 

Edited by: Herzog Wolfhammer on 30/08/2011 21:29:52



First Conan best Conan.



Blacksquirrel
Posted - 2011.08.30 22:28:00 - [5]
 

I would hardly call the first one ground shattering in terms of cinematography. I'm guessing childhood nostalgia is playing a part.

Sasio Shihari
Posted - 2011.08.30 22:53:00 - [6]
 

Edited by: Sasio Shihari on 30/08/2011 22:59:32
What is best in life? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGOQ7SsJrw

Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.


Without this ^ the movie just couldn't keep up..


Caleidascope
Minmatar
Republic Military School
Posted - 2011.08.30 23:40:00 - [7]
 

One review on Yahoo Movies had this: Actors are also victims.

I really do not understand what the producers were thinking! Make a next movie, but no... the idiots had to do a remake. Effing stupid!

Dorian Tormak
M0N0LITH
Posted - 2011.08.31 00:47:00 - [8]
 

Edited by: Dorian Tormak on 31/08/2011 00:48:56
Originally by: Blacksquirrel
I would hardly call the first one ground shattering in terms of cinematography. I'm guessing childhood nostalgia is playing a part.


Cinematography means jack until you've got a good story, acting, etc. Conan was a great film in most regards. The gore was nice with blood spurting out of wounds and people losing their heads. The acting was heavy and dramatic and the period music was epic. Plus a few of the best quotes ever.

Originally by: Caleidascope
One review on Yahoo Movies had this: Actors are also victims.

I really do not understand what the producers were thinking! Make a next movie, but no... the idiots had to do a remake. Effing stupid!


You're judging this the wrong way; it doesn't matter what they decided to do with it, whether they wanted a sequel, a remake or something completely different; what matters is that the people who made the movie are clueless. In fact, I think both the idea of a remake and the idea of a sequel are both silly; next one should be based on the actual Conan stories.

Originally by: Sasio Shihari
Edited by: Sasio Shihari on 30/08/2011 22:59:32What is best in life? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGOQ7SsJrw

Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women.


Without this ^ the movie just couldn't keep up..


What about when he's praying to Crom before the epic battle at the end? "No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad, why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important." Da-daaaaa, da-da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daaaaaaaaa.

The movie keeps up.

Herzog Wolfhammer
Gallente
Sigma Special Tactics Group
Posted - 2011.08.31 04:18:00 - [9]
 

Originally by: Blacksquirrel
I would hardly call the first one ground shattering in terms of cinematography. I'm guessing childhood nostalgia is playing a part.


Well, if it was lacking, and indeed it was lacking in many things, this "remake" makes it look even better.

Also add in the fact that I was young at the time, young enough to see Conan the Barbarian and think it was the best darned movie in the world.

But I don't know what it is with movies these days and this treatment the remake got.

It's always the "wonder kid" thing. Does this crap sell? Yeah nobody would think Conan was real or anything that happened in the originals really ever happened but it was feasible. But a 10 year old with advanced fighting skills?

Was the target audience of this version intended to be the generation of kids born around 1990 who were raised on that child-rearing movement in the 90s where parents were told to tell children how special and great they were, even if they were found playing with the crap that leaked out of their diaper? Is this why WOW sells so well: treating every player to a garanteed quest line for epics with instanced sites and NPCs acting like they are saving the world?

Crap I'm getting old.



catinboots
Minmatar
Vintage heavy industries
Posted - 2011.08.31 13:05:00 - [10]
 

Edited by: catinboots on 31/08/2011 13:05:36
sad isn't it the state of today filmindustry , with all their crappy remakes because nobody dares to be creative again

the day they do a remake of THISwill be the day the world ends

Danton Marcellus
Nebula Rasa Holdings
Posted - 2011.08.31 14:00:00 - [11]
 

When fantasy went mainstream it also went in the toilet. It's law, or as Stallone would say when butchering Judge Dredd, 'le law!'


 

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