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blankseplocked Introducing the 'Tiggles Dietary Plan'!
 
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Iris Gollatchi
Posted - 2011.07.21 14:26:00 - [1]
 

I lost over 84lbs on the ‘Tiggles Dietary Plan’!

Now featured within the Shastal Observers ‘Top Tips for a Healthy New You’, the Tiggles Dietary Plan combines the very best ingredients from Caldari and Gallentean mass-producing industries, fusing a strict high protein edible diet, with a metabolic rate enhancing, thirst quenching drink!

Simply eat a small portion of Sukuuvestaa’s delicious ‘Protein Delicacies’ every three hours, washed down with a half pint of Quafe Ultra, and within six months you’ll have a ‘beach body’ that so many other capsuleers will envy!

Worried that this revolutionary new diet won’t fill you up? Well, fear not! With the ‘Tiggles Dietary Plan’ you can eat as much bread as you wish – providing it’s made from only the purist Amarrian Wheat! Can’t find Amarrian Wheat? Well don’t worry! Take on a subscription to the FAT-BUSTING ‘Tiggles Dietary Plan’ and we’ll ship you two free packets free of charge!

Still not convinced? Read these glowing testamonials from our other satisfied customers:

“What in the name of hell are you following me for?” – Tigerfish Torpedo.

“Stop stalking me you moron!” – Matthaios Panthera.

So what are you waiting for? Join the ‘Tiggles Dietary Plan’ today and be the envy of your friends, families, corporations and alliances!*

*Weight loss is not guaranteed and the above diet should only be used in conjunction with a healthy exercise regime!

Chevalleis
The Legendary Conquest
Posted - 2011.07.21 14:40:00 - [2]
 

It's good that I can always get myself killed if I want a brand new, slim clone.

Nick Bete
Gallente
The Scope
Posted - 2011.07.21 16:22:00 - [3]
 

Protein delicacies and Quafe Ultra? Seriously? Consuming raw sewage would be healthier.

Oh wait...

TheCrazyCabbage
Underworld Protection Agency
Fatal Ascension
Posted - 2011.07.21 22:20:00 - [4]
 

I can sincerely vouch for this diet!

After becoming a fat and lazy slob after loosing my job at the Quafe foundry, i recieved a mail about the absolutly fabulous Tiggles Dietry Plan.

Moments after having my first portion of 'Protein Delicacies', i literally FELT the weight drop out of me!

My housekeeper was also impressed by the amount of bodily fluids that now adorn my quarters - a vast improvement i might add!

By the third day something amazing happened. I had the 'Protein Delicacies' as normal when BANG! i acsended into a higher plan of being, and was rewarded with a brand new body, fresh out of the clone bay!


Iris Gollatchi
Posted - 2011.07.22 12:17:00 - [5]
 

Originally by: TheCrazyCabbage
BANG! I ascended into a higher plain of being and was rewarded with a brand new body, fresh out of the clone bay!


Granted, some possible side effects of the 'Tiggles Dietary Plan' do include a rather severe case of, well, erm, death. But we thought that was only generic to lab-rats!

Mr Cabbage, may we use your testimonial in further press releases?

I.Gollatchi,
Customer Service Supervisor,
Jita 4-4 Morticians - "Seriously smokin' for over 4 years!"


 

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