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blankseplocked Dozens maimed in stampede at Quafe promotional event!
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
Posted - 2011.07.12 18:52:00 - [1]

Edited by: Muck Raker on 12/07/2011 19:02:28
Horrifying news reaches Gutter Press!

At a recent Quafe promotional event in the Federation, where Quafe shipped in some off-world produced beverages, hundreds of spectators were caught up in a stampede, as Quafe fans rushed the Quafe representatives to get their hands on the special Quafe.

"I've never seen anything like it!" said one man, "Hundreds of people running amok, all for a foreign manufactured Quafe. What's wrong with our own Quafe?"

"Oh my goodness, it was horrifying!" said a Quafe Girl, one of the Quafe Corporations marketing workers, dressed in the classic Quafe Girl outfits loved by many across New Eden. "Those poor people! Injured when all they wanted is a cool refreshing Quafe."

"Well, it is only to be expected" said a sociologist. "Many people living on planets haven't even travelled to another continent. Handling a product made in a different star system is an astounding experience for many. Especially a product as familiar as Quafe, with its cool, refreshing taste."

A Quafe executive denied underestimating the ferociousness of the spectators, and offered to pay any hospital bills that could be directly linked to the Quafe promotional event.
"While it is true these Quafe bottles were made in another star system, they remain otherwise identical, and the fanatical response by Quafe fans was unprecedented. Enjoy Quafe today. We regret any inconvenience that Quafe consumers encountered, and will be taking steps to compensate them, with a lifetime supply of Quafe, with its cool refreshing taste."

Quafe remains the greatest soft drinks manufacturer in New Eden.

Thgil Goldcore
Posted - 2011.07.12 21:21:00 - [2]

Muck Raker... your reporting news... thats not tabloid...

The end is near!

Jason Galente
mishima ryu
Posted - 2011.07.13 05:56:00 - [3]

* smiles at the title * I'm starting to appreciate the madness that is New Eden, even in this most mild of examples. And kudos to Gutter Press for always finding something tragically comical to read.

But the way this was written suggests an endorsement contract between Gutter Press and Quafe Wink


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