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blankseplocked I'm quiting for good and I have 70B in assets and....
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Cassiopeia Andromedae
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:02:00 - [91]

I would post with my main but CCP desided that they don't want me to post with my main that I would like to use to post this post.

So you are giving up 70 B away in assets and ISK.

All I have to say up the BOOOOM BOX....

Half past twelve
And I'm watching the late show in my flat all alone
How I hate to spend the evening on my own
Autumn winds
Blowing outside my window as I look around the room
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom

there's not a soul out there
no one to hear my prayer

Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

Movie stars
Find the end of the rainbow, with a fortune to win
It's so different from the world I'm living in
Tired of T.V.
I open the window and I gaze into the night
But there's nothing there to see, no one in sight

there's not a soul out there
no one to hear my prayer

Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight...
Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight...

there's not a soul out there
no one to hear my prayer

Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day
Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a ISK after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day


Posted - 2011.07.08 14:04:00 - [92]

Edited by: egola on 08/07/2011 14:05:34

Eugene Spencer
Rodents of Unusual Size
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:05:00 - [93]

Greetings Torothin, brother!

I don't really know you but I thought I would post in this thread partly because it would be nice to have 70b ISK, but also because I would like to pass along a life expereince with you. You may or may not find it funny, but I hope you will find the information in the below "essay" useful. Even if you don't find it funny or amusing, I'd like to think you get something useful from it.

So I thought I would give you some advice on beards. I am by no means am I and expert on beards. I can only pass on advice and tips I have gained from my own experience.

Will you let me tell you the story of my beard? Perhaps you can learn something from it?


“My Beard Experience”
An Essay By Eugene Spencer, Rodents of Unusual Size

Dedicated to “Torothin”, who wanted a LOL and so I'm posting this overly-ellaborate reply.


It was around the age of sixteen when I first attempted to grow facial hair. Many of my friends were able to grow full beards – even some of the females - and I wanted to be just like them.

Alas, without dwelling too much on my early attempts too much, it was a disaster. A failure. My facial hair came through patchy . I had only been shaving for a year or so. But basically I just looked like a 16 year old trying to grow a beard.

Bad times.

After a while I came to a compromise. The only decent facial hair I could grow was my sideburns. And man, I grew them like a mother :censored: er!

Now, a 16/17 year old with giant sideburns might seem a little daft. But Christ on a bike... the pu55y I got was phenomenal! Women like lamb chops and I'm living proof of that. Something about sideburns tickling their thighs or something. I don’t know.

Two years later.

I was 18 and unfortunately the pu55y had all dried up if you pardon the expression. I no longer felt the need to have sideburns. They were awesome and all... but it was time to move on. So I had them chopped and went back to being baby-faced.

Until I was 21.

During this period I watched a lot of 24. You know, the critically-acclaimed, award-winning show starring Kiefer Sutherland? Now, you can spend all day debating wither 24 is a good show or not. I personally like it. It's turn-off-brain TV and it’s not fukkin Judge Judy. Ya know? But it was during this time that I had an actual man crush. I'm not gay but I’m also not afraid to admit that I was in love with a man. Tony Almeida. Do you know the character I'm talking about, brother?

I didn't love him because he's a good looking guy. Or because he had firm buttocks. I loved him for his beard. I'm not afraid to admit that at all. That tiny wee beard was awesome and I wanted one. I wanted to be Tony Almeida!

Now. You may remember that my previous attempts at growing a beard when I was sixteen didn't really work out. The beard grew in patchy. But that was a good few years ago and to be honest, this beard is tiny. It's like the smallest beard you can have. How can you go wrong?

So I set about growing this thing.




As you can imagine, it's not really that difficult to grow. It's not even that difficult to maintain either. But the crucial part is, it **WAS NOT** maintenance-free. It **did** require the occasional trim. Looking back now, the grooming skills I developed during this period were absolutely vital to future beard development. You learn how far you can push trimming. You learn how to handle a razor. But most of all, you learn how to handle the single most difficult element of beard growing: your friends asking you “ARE YOU GROWING A BEARD LOL?”

Man. The first time that happened to me, I crumpled like a hooker punched in the kidneys. I didn’t know what to say. Why was I embarrassed? DOESN’T A MAN HAVE A RIGHT TO GROW A BEARD?

24th Imperial Crusade
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:06:00 - [94]

Edited by: BeastlyRage on 08/07/2011 14:05:58

Eugene Spencer
Rodents of Unusual Size
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:06:00 - [95]

Fukkin right I do. And I told them that. They laughed it off and cracked a few jokes. “To hell with them!”, I thought. I continued to experiment with my facial hair.

I made the small beard slightly longer, so it came down over my chin. I grew even more on my chin and it became more goatee-like, just without the moustache. Do you know what I mean? I started to lengthen my sideburns again. All in all, I had a great time playing about with my facial hair.

Good times.

I did this on and off for a few years. I’d shave it off completely and then re-grow it. But now I was an established beard-grower among my peers and it wasn’t difficult to “take it to the next level”.

I did a test-run. I left all my facial hair to grow for two weeks to see what I looked like.


I didn’t like it! I just looked scruffy. And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s looking like a tramp. So I shaved it all off and that was that.

Until last year. I consider 2009AD the “year of bearded enlightenment”.

In April I left my job to work from home. As I didn’t have to look presentable for any occasion ever, I didn’t bother shaving. And the strangest thing happened. The two weeks of non-shaving passed before I knew it. By the end of week three, I began to notice that it was starting to “fill out”. The patchiness was… gone. This was great! By the end of week 5 I was ecstatic! I had a full beard and I could do anything I wanted with it. A blank canvas! Absolutely phenomenal!

It dawned on me that all these years I had been missing the vital ingredient. This ingredient is what air is to our lungs, what water is to a fish, what sunlight is to a flower. This ingredient is critical to beard growing. It is of course… patience.

You see, brother, beard growing takes a long time. It can’t be done over night. It is something you need to commit to. But once you’re up and running, it’s so easy going. You must have patience. Wait six weeks. It doesn’t matter how daft you think you look. It will work out in the end.

Anyway. I grew my facial hair for six weeks. It became wild and unkempt. But I didn’t care. I knew after six weeks I would be able to sculpt this magnificent mound of facial hair into anything I wanted.

The day of reckoning came. I lay out my electric razor, my Gillette Mach 3 razor in the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror. The man I used to know was behind that beard. The old me. The man without patience. The unenlightened man.

I picked up the electric razor and turned it on. The hum became hypnotic as I stared into the mirror. I knew I would have to tackle this like a real man. It was unknown territory but really, that’s what life is all about.

I raised my chin and slowly lifted the razor up towards my neck. I paused for a second.

“Am I ready for this?” I thought. “Am I ready to become a well-groomed bearded man?”

Without a second thought, the razor was thrust onto my hairy neck. I only needed to shave my neck – my chin or cheeks must remain as they are. It came so naturally. With every stroke of the razor, I felt the confidence surge inside of me. Whiskers fell to the ground like a spring blossom. I felt free. It was if I was an African Impala running wild through the Serengeti.

Suddenly, my razor began to glow!

“What is this???” I thought. I was a bit freaked out, naturally. I found myself unable to put the razor down. As if some force was moving my hand for me. My movements became completely involuntary.

The razor’s hum and glow became more and more intense until I could no longer see my beard in the mirror. I tried to turn away from the mirror and close my eyes to shield them from the intense light, but it was no use. Something was forcing me to stare directly in to the mirror. The hum of the razor had also grown in intensity – it sounded like a rocket at lift-off.

Although I couldn’t see the razor any longer, I knew I was still shaving. I could feel each stroke on my neck.

Eugene Spencer
Rodents of Unusual Size
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:06:00 - [96]

“OH GOD… WHAT… IS HAPPENINGTO ME???” I screamed at the top of my voice – barely audible over the intense chinook-like sound of the razor.

There was a sudden, hyper-intense flash of light and then silence. Everywhere I looked was intense, bright white light. Almost too white. Pitch lightness. I felt weightlessness. There was no floor, no ceiling.



Squinting my eyes, I notice some of the white began to darken and change colour. As if the white was materialising into something. It was a face! An old, weathered, bearded face.

“Eugene”, it said in a deep booming voice.

“Eugene, I am God. You have reached the point of no return. From this day forth, you will forever have a beard. You will die and old man, with a full beard. I have been watching you for many years now. There is no doubt in my mind that you are The One”.

“The One?”

“Yes. I am going to give you a very important task. It requires this…”.

Before me materialises a small, black comb.

“What is this?”

“Eugene, this is a specific comb for your beard. You must take it and use it. At every opportunity you must tell as many people as possible about your beard and the specific comb you have for it. With luck, you will bring about a bearded revolution. Every man will have beard”

“But, but I’m not ready!” I exclaimed. “I’ve only just grown my first proper beard!”

“Your mind is not polluted by doubt and greed, son. Alas, I must leave now. But one last thing. If a man named “Torothin” were to ever cross your path, make sure you dispense sound advice unto him. For he is more important than you will ever know”.

In an instant, the light turned to darkness.


My alarm.

I open my eyes. “Man! What a weird dream”. I stretch look over to the alarm clock. And there, beside the clock is a…




From that day forward I knew I was a true bearded man. A soldier of the tash with a specific comb for my beard.

And now I find you, Torothin, on these forums. I knew this day would come. And as I promised god, I must give you some advice.

I hope this story has dispensed some of my knowledge. I hope you find it useful and I wish you the best of luck if you ever decided to grow a beard. Never despair. Always look into the light, brother. One day you will have an awesome beard.

And Torothin, Get a specific comb for your beard. You’ll never regret it, brother.

PS: I rub butter into my beard to pad it out a bit.

Saul Khaladran
Aideron Robotics
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:06:00 - [97]

Edited by: Saul Khaladran on 08/07/2011 14:06:41
F a n n y pack

Eternal Frontier
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:09:00 - [98]

"A witty saying proves nothing."

Posted - 2011.07.08 14:10:00 - [99]


Dele Anneto
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:12:00 - [100]

Toasting in an epic bread

Illwill Bill
Svea Crusaders
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:15:00 - [101]

Originally by: Flynn Fetladral
Originally by: Darkside007
Originally by: Illwill Bill
Wanna leave with a bang? Buy plex for all of the 70b, and enjoy having done something good while getting CCP to pay 2500$ just because you got rid of internet spaceship money.Cool

What he said, but give them all away. \o/

To a PLEX Charity drive.

Yeah that was what I meant. mother My on Embarassed a the dropped head kid. when was I me

Bleck Mether
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:18:00 - [102]

A few jokes for you...

Breaking News: The UN has said that if they capture Gaddafi they will put him where he can do no harm to anyone - up front for Aston Villa.

The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although they do make me look a bit gay.

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They would chip their teeth.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a w**k. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before
you're banned from teaching altogether."

Q: What's the difference between a blond and a brick? A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend - Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in other words B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.

My new wig arrived the other day. It's made of ass**le hair. The bloody thing keeps blowing off.

I was feeling down earlier so I dipped my Muslim friend in bleach. I thought I'd try to lighten Mahmood.

A wise man once said "You should treat your women the way you treat your hoover.. When it stops sucking, change the old bag."

Question - are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."

Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.

What do Tottenham Hotspur and Heather Mills have in common? The second leg is just for show

Just £3 will buy water and food for a family in Africa. But don't let your heart rule your head. Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for £2-99.

100 people from Liverpool were asked today if they thought Britain should change its currency. 98% said no, they were happy with the Giro.

Black bloke comes home to find his son sitting on the couch, grinning from ear to ear. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. "I just f***ed the girl next door" he says proudly. "Well done son. I hope you were wearing something." "Yup" he replied. "A balaclava."

I've just watched the Simpsons and realised it's a load of bo***cks. Who would put a load of funny yellow people in charge of running a nuclear power station?

I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the programme's called Fact Hunt.

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!

1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1403808.59375GB in about 3 seconds. And you thought Virgin media was fast.

Paddy bursts into the Benefits office. I've been ringing 08001730 for 2 bloody days. Why don't you answer the bloody phone. Girl replies, those are our opening times you daft ****.

Posted - 2011.07.08 14:21:00 - [103]

how about you tell me the funniest thing and if i find you funny i will look after your isk.

the funniest thing i have seen in a while is this
Not safe for work btw.

Baroness Vulna
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:22:00 - [104]

What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

Milken Gekko
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:23:00 - [105]

Does anyone else think that Camilla is almost exactly what Diana would have looked like
if she'd survived the crash?

The R00k
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:25:00 - [106]

Yet another troll giving away isk in some stupid competition that is a obvious troll as it has no end date.
I won one of these once the guy said i was gonna get 5billion isk for being the most unpleasant poster in his competition to be the most unpleasant poster. I got nothing......

I was really horrible to him to. felt bad a little. then angry as i spent 2 hours working out the most horrible post that would not get me banned and got nout for it. I want my 5bill damn it.

Ice Fire Warriors
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:29:00 - [107]

I would use it to fund my adult business: C4S/39986

And: collegecaptures Dot Com

Isis Tavore
Ashfell Celestial Equilibrium
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:34:00 - [108]

I need your ISK because my pig baby needs a monocle...

Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.

Ranka Mei
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:37:00 - [109]

Now, what if it turns out this guy is an RMT person? He gives you the isk, and you get banned. Now, THAT would be funny!

See? Greed is not good!

Ghost Nightmare
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:39:00 - [110]

Edited by: Ghost Nightmare on 08/07/2011 14:47:45
I win..

Monies plz

In case you need moar


Even more

Even even more

Siigari Kitawa
Perditus Peregrinus
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:43:00 - [111]

If you watch the whole thing without laughing, I think I'll cry.

And it's my birthday today, so I'll cry if I want to.

Independent Political Analysts
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:45:00 - [112]

The fanboi crew is so funny. Someone is quitting, so what. His choice alone. Yet some imbeciles react like he's betrayed his country. Get a life nerds!

Barkaial Starfinder
The Kairos Syndicate
Transmission Lost
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:45:00 - [113]

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

Posted - 2011.07.08 14:46:00 - [114]

Is this a troll?

Valei Khurelem
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:47:00 - [115]

Originally by: Estephania
The fanboi crew is so funny. Someone is quitting, so what. His choice alone. Yet some imbeciles react like he's betrayed his country. Get a life nerds!


Posted - 2011.07.08 14:52:00 - [116]

Edited by: Phugoid on 08/07/2011 14:52:52
Conserve toilet paper.......

use both sides

Vain Eldritch
State War Academy
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:57:00 - [117]

I demand booze.

Dee Lucious
Imperial Academy
Posted - 2011.07.08 14:57:00 - [118]

In before troll admission.

However, if you don't laugh at this, there's something wrong with you.

Posted - 2011.07.08 15:01:00 - [119]

I'm not particularly funny, but as a new player if I could even get 1 bill I would appreciate it (or any amount really!). I don't generally ask for ISK, but if you are truly leaving and were feeling charitable.

House Aratus
Fatal Ascension
Posted - 2011.07.08 15:01:00 - [120]

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