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blankseplocked GNARKILL PRESENTS: Monocles 4 U
 
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Jim GNARKILL
Gnarkill INC
Posted - 2011.06.28 12:05:00 - [1]
 

MONOCLES 4 U


Greetings capsuleers! are you too poor to own a monocle? is your life a sham? do you tire of being a scrub frowned upon by the elite?
Well GNARKILL has the solution for you:

INTRODUCING



MONOCLE-EZE The new easy to use monocle that will make you look rich and elite but wont break the bank!
Made from 100% recycled cardboard and some shiny stuff THIS LOOKS JUST LIKE THE REAL THING! Never go to a party embarrased again! Be the center of attention with MONOCLE-EZE!

You look sceptical.. some of you might be saying "but GNARKILL how does monocle-eze work?" ITS SOOOOO SIMPLE! Simply remove MONOCLE-EZE from the box, apply the adheasive goo and apply the MONOCLE-EZE directly to you eye socket ITS THAT SIMPLE!

Here is how to order: Have your credit card ready and call 1-800-MONOCLE operators are standing by, only 200,000ISK plus processing and handling.







WARNING: shiny stuff is made from 100% post consumer fecal matter, GNARKILL accepts no responsibility for outbreaks of: Ecoli, pink eye, retinal cancer, mesothilioma, or any other diseases caused by adhearing cardboard to your face with goo




Darius III
Caldari
Interstellar eXodus
BricK sQuAD.
Posted - 2011.06.28 12:16:00 - [2]
 

Excellent post my good man. Let the peasantry glue ***** on their faces to emulate true gentlemens proper attire. I salute your efforts and wish you the best.

Aeneus McKay
Pilots of Epic
Roughneck Regulators
Posted - 2011.06.28 18:15:00 - [3]
 

Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye. Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye. Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye.

Mytzso
Private Nuisance
Segregati0n
Posted - 2011.06.28 20:42:00 - [4]
 

good idea, you may soon be able to afford a monocle of your own

Freyus Bargem
Caldari
Perkone
Posted - 2011.06.28 23:59:00 - [5]
 

Originally by: Aeneus McKay
Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye. Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye. Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye.


You have 3 eyes?

Aeneus McKay
Pilots of Epic
Roughneck Regulators
Posted - 2011.06.29 23:37:00 - [6]
 

Originally by: Freyus Bargem
Originally by: Aeneus McKay
Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye. Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye. Monocle-eze. Apply directly to the eye.


You have 3 eyes?


No, just my rather lame attempt at a marketing pitch for this fine product! Similar to the pitch for the 'Head-On: apply directly to the forehead' product one would see on late night TV.

xXThunder StruckXx
Posted - 2011.06.30 10:22:00 - [7]
 

This is indeed a magnificent idea mr Gnarkill.

I am to attend a school reunion this very weekend. It has been some 25 years since my school chums have seen me. I have changed much in this passing of time. However, I was the most awesome of pupils and by attending in my glued monocle, they will have no doubt as to who I am and indeed was back then.

Can they be modified to allow for a quicker locking time when handing out wedgies? I wager there will be plenty of this sort of shinanegins at the reunion.


Mickey Simon
Genos Occidere
Posted - 2011.06.30 10:23:00 - [8]
 

Another fantastic Gnarkill product +rep


 

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