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Fight Song
Power Penguin Pew
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:38:00 - [211]

a joke? k, ive got one

the best way to end welfare in america is to start a program designed to help the poor save on their electricity bills.
Instead of more money we ship them generators with instructions to install them in the kitchen.

Federal Navy Academy
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:40:00 - [212]

Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen
(head always wins Wink)

I don't give head, also I'm too late for that joke and this is below me..
*Goes to take a shower*

Posted - 2011.04.02 00:43:00 - [213]

RIP Jackie Chan. March 28th 2011.

Posted - 2011.04.02 00:52:00 - [214]

I hope this makes you giggle

EightGuns Giovanni
Posted - 2011.04.02 01:11:00 - [215]

My bawls float funny in water.

Jane Bennet
Posted - 2011.04.02 01:17:00 - [216]

The biggest joke? EVE Online, what it has become.

Don't need the characters, feel free to transfer any cash and property over, though.

Best joke is, I'm quitting EVE, too, so all that money will just go rot in an abandoned account. :)

Posted - 2011.04.02 01:20:00 - [217]

When is a car not a car?

Missions Mining and Mayhem
Northern Coalition.
Posted - 2011.04.02 01:21:00 - [218]

two wife jokes, because you'll probably be getting laid more once you give up internet spaceships...

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a hooker. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."

"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."


With a sheep under his arm, a man walks into his bedroom and stands in front of his wife.

"This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache," he says.

The wife looks at him and replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."

He answers, "I wasn't talking to you."


Master Zeuth
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2011.04.02 02:00:00 - [219]

So a Nidhoggur, a good tank, and decent DPS walk in to a bar...

Wait that would never happen. Very Happy

Posted - 2011.04.02 02:08:00 - [220]

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so
he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer
asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and
thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning
instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The
man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer
thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell
me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, 'It's a
long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and
got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a
doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency,
and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got
bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my
dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred
Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around
with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS,
with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my
DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about
the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD
leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so
now I am Just Fred.' The officer walked away in tears, laughing

Posted - 2011.04.02 02:27:00 - [221]

I've got something to make you laugh.....women's rights!

Posted - 2011.04.02 02:51:00 - [222]

Edited by: Flinkk on 02/04/2011 02:53:40
My job is so unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ****ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big freaking dog to work. Every ****ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single day.
Anyway, I drive these people around in my van and we solve mysteries and stuff.

Alice NChains
Posted - 2011.04.02 03:17:00 - [223]

I knew a guy from mississippi who went to college"hard to believe" and met then fell in love with this girl. he came home for summer and told his dad he was in love with this cute girl from college and he wanted to marry her but there was a big problem! dad she is a virgin! dad says dammit boy if she is not good enough for her own family she is not good enough for ours!Very Happy

Khanya Trace
Posted - 2011.04.02 03:21:00 - [224]

Edited by: Khanya Trace on 02/04/2011 03:21:40


Posted - 2011.04.02 03:37:00 - [225]

A friend of mine is half Pakistani, half Welsh. (If I don't win just for having a friend of that mutt combination, screw you all.)

Anyway, he has the typical terrorist accent, but he's a HUGE dude. He's Muslim, but you'd think he's Buddha. We all make fun of him regularly for this, and he just jokes back. We just saw Source Code and at the end he was like "Dude, if that was me, I'd eat something, go back in time 8 minutes, then eat it again, a bunch of times, just cuz it's so good and I love food."

He also has hardcore ADHD. The joke of the night came when he mentioned something about how his ADD caused him to leave half of his groceries in the bags at the checkout lane at the grocery store. As he's saying this, he's doing the typical head-bob back and forth that those from the Middle East tend to do while talking. I said to him, "Dude, I think I figured out why you have ADD... every time you talk, you bob your head... you keep shaking those damn brain cells loose making it worse."

I think he pee'd himself laughing.

As for your stuff, no interest in characters... just your stuff pls. kthx.

Posted - 2011.04.02 05:06:00 - [226]

Dude you make ME laugh!
Telling you are giving away 150bil makes everybody jump.

Well i'm also quiting and i'm giving away 150 trillion isk. I will divide this between everybody who calls the OP 'A douche'...


Word Bearers of Chaos
Word of Chaos Undivided
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:18:00 - [227]

Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen
After plaing the game for 3 yrs now i have decided to quit EVE.


Im fed up with the way EVE is going atm.

I'm not too hot about it either. But it does have potential.

Im a eve player form the old genaration.

I'm pretty sure the old generation is 2003-2005.

Im only playing the game to shoot other people.

There are other reasons to play?!

Past year i hoped ccp would fnaly get it, pvp is broken... So many shiptypes and especialy my favourite Black Op's.

CCP knows, they just don't care about existing content that doesn't directly involve the bottom line.

After realizing that ccp dont learn form their mistakes and the CSM is a joke (see black op linky) i think its enough to cancel my 4 accounts.

I voted for Seleene, but the CSM is about as effective as Obama.

Im giving away:
25b isk liq
40b in random officermods
15b in Guidancesystems & some other PI investments
8b in deadspace mods all over eve
1 x the right to buy this sub cap char (103m sp) for 10 mil isk
1 x the right to buy 70m perfect nyx char for 10 mil isk
1 x the right to buy 50m maxed missile & racial caldari char
Some other low sp chars (8-17m sp chars)

How can u win this stuff?
Post in here and make me laugh. The best 4 post are getting picked out and i will toss a few coins. (head always wins Wink)

You should just give it to the CSM, they can make you laugh AND cry at the same time.

Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:26:00 - [228]

OMG I hear voices in space Confused

Skynet Technologies
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:53:00 - [229]

Originally by: simkahuna
Dude you make ME laugh!
Telling you are giving away 150bil makes everybody jump.

Well i'm also quiting and i'm giving away 150 trillion isk. I will divide this between everybody who calls the OP 'A douche'...


Op? Nah...he started something fun. I'm willing to call you a douche for free tho.

Hemp Invader
Inverted Worlds
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:53:00 - [230]

What's the difference between Batman and a black guy?
Batman can go out at night without "Robin'".

Also, can i have your stuff?

Lady Aja
Posted - 2011.04.02 08:03:00 - [231]

Edited by: Lady Aja on 02/04/2011 08:05:53
even tho i am sure is a aprils fool gag... i will bite lol

ok here goes.

Last weeked I was cruising down the east coast of the south island in New Zealand when i spot the strangest sight ever. a emporer penguin standing beside a car with the bonnet/hood open.

so me being the nice person i am decide hey why not to my self and offer a helping hand.

I hop out of my car and ask him plain as day got engine problems? can i maybe take a look?

penguin shrugs his shoulders steps aide for me to have a look.

after 10 minutes under the hood and covered in enguing grease and oil i trun around and tell him than i found his problem.

he looks at me and says "well?"

I say well mate looks liek you blew a seal!

he looks at me and says as plain as day. yeah so what! you New Zealands screw sheep so who cares!

The Whitehound Corporation
Frontline Assembly Point
Posted - 2011.04.02 08:54:00 - [232]

This thread has got more tools than a hardware store.

Josephine Blackpearl
Posted - 2011.04.02 09:21:00 - [233]

Amazing how many fell for the 1 april post here YARRRR!!

Riddley Walker
Phrixus Mot
Posted - 2011.04.02 09:44:00 - [234]

A chauffeur picks up the Amarrian Empress at the her home station.
After getting all of her luggage loaded into the limo, the pilot notices the Empress is still standing on the dock.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the pilot," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the empress, "they never let me pilot at the temple, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should
happen?" protests the driver.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Empress with a

Reluctantly, the pilot gets in the back as the Empress climbs in behind the controls. The pilot quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the docks, the Empress floors it, accelerating the ship to 10k m/s!

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried pilot, but the empress keeps the pedal to the metal
until they hear concord sirens. "Oh, Dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the pilot.

The empress pulls over and opens up the com's as the concord ship approaches, but concord takes one look at Her, goes back to his ship, and gets on the com's.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the com's and the concord officer tells him that he's stopped a ship going at 10k m/s!

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the concord officer.

The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason to bust him!"

"No, I mean really important," said the concord officer with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the station Mayor?"

Concord officer: "Bigger."

Chief: " The solar Governor?"

Concord officer: "Bigger."

Chief: "The Region President?"

Concord officer: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Concord officer: "I think it's GOD !!"

The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? "

Concord officer: " No Sir."

Chief: " Then what makes you think it's God?"

Concord officer: "He's got the Empress as a chauffeur."

Drake Iddon
Posted - 2011.04.02 09:52:00 - [235]

Edited by: Drake Iddon on 02/04/2011 09:55:32
My attempt at making you laugh <3

Ruby Udders
Posted - 2011.04.02 10:07:00 - [236]

Edited by: Ruby Udders on 02/04/2011 10:08:40

What's the difference between a cricketball and a ginger f*nny?

If you tried really hard (and I mean reeally ****ing hard), you could probably eat a cricketball

Now, about your stuff \o/

Cpl Punnishment
Important Internet Spaceship League
Posted - 2011.04.02 10:58:00 - [237]

OK... So a penguin was out driving his new car when all of the sudden, it begins to vibrate and make an awful lot of noise. And he is like... "Ooooh goodness!! "I just started my little road trip!!" He begins to worry and fret a bit. Then as he goes another mile, he sees a billboard that says, POLAR BEAR AUTO REPAIR. He is like, "Oh thank heavens!" He urges his little car to hang in there till he gets to the repair shop. After what seemed like an eternity, he crests a hill and rolls down into the small town with the repair shop.

His little car sputters into the parking lot and as if on cue, keels over! He says, "Sheeeew! That was close!" He saunters on over to the Polar Bear that has his head beneath the hood of an old truck, hammering away and muttering some inner auto wisdom and understanding... The little penguin politely interrupts and asks if the Polar Bear could take a look at his car. The polar bear says, "Sure, give me a few minutes to take a look at it for you".

The penguin, still fretting a bit wanted something to take his mind off his vexing problem. He saw a sign across the street advertising ICE CREAM. He was like, "SWEET! That is exactly what I need to keep me busy! A tasty treat" So he goes over and quickly order two ice cream sandwiches. He had forgotten that his little drive made him hungry. So he wolfs down the two ice cream sandwiches the best he could, being that he had only flippers and no hands to hold them. He got a bit messy and then remembered that he had a car to be tended to.

He waddles back over to where the polar bear, who had his head under the penguin’s hood. Hearing the penguin return the polar bear lifted his head from beneath the hood and sighed. The polar bear said to the penguin, "Looks like you blew a seal". To which the penguin apologetically laughed, began to wipe his beak and says, "Oh no! "That's just Ice Cream! I was hungry!!"

Malachi Nefzen
Insane Decision
Posted - 2011.04.02 11:10:00 - [238]

Edited by: Malachi Nefzen on 02/04/2011 11:10:06

Posted - 2011.04.02 11:28:00 - [239]

Can I haz your stuff?

I can't believe noone did this before!

CCP Manifest

Posted - 2011.04.02 12:13:00 - [240]

Edited by: CCP Manifest on 02/04/2011 12:14:41
Sorry to see you goSad

I don't have a particularly chuckle-ridden suggestion on what you should do with your wealth.

You did miss it by a day, but, as long as this wasn't an April Fool's joke, have you considered PLEX for Good? Just sayin that I'm sure we could make an exception on the time frame.

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