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Ron Livingston
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:32:00 - [151]

I got reported on the CVA intelligence channel in a POD, and set KOS without firing a shot.


Chuck Norris' **** is so big, it has its own ****, and that one is still bigger than yours.

Tim Chyb
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:36:00 - [152]

9 of 10 voices in my head tell me i'm not crazy. the 10th just keeps humming the melody to tetris.

Cyaxares II
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:37:00 - [153]

Edited by: Cyaxares II on 01/04/2011 17:49:08
Originally by: Barakkus
Originally by: Demolishar
amazing crystals.jpg

Make Amazing Crystals!

I want to know how many idiots on the forums try this at home and die from the mustard gas they make in step 2.


mixing bleach and ammonia creates chlorine gas not mustard gas, new***.

fire elf
Solar Storm
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:43:00 - [154]

Ok This one I got sent to me and I thought it was funny

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

Dippy Longstockings
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:44:00 - [155]

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress.

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed, he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirmed that he was interested. She told him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2pm Friday.

When Friday rolled around, and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat, Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by my office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Posted - 2011.04.01 17:45:00 - [156]

Sinun raha on myös minun raha.

This is ancient norwegian and means i like pie.

Skynet Technologies
Posted - 2011.04.01 18:01:00 - [157]

Chuck Norris' daughter has lost her virginity... Chuck Norris got it back.

Chuc Morris
Posted - 2011.04.01 18:02:00 - [158]

Originally by: LordInvisible
Chuck Noriss's car is so fast, that his GPS is talking in past tense.


So, what's up?

Posted - 2011.04.01 18:03:00 - [159]

Also a joke:

A kid was going to have his first full night with his girlfriend one night. He was excited, as the prospect of sex was high, so he went into a pharmacy to buy some condoms. Approaching the counter, the pharmacist notices him and comes over. "What can I do for ya?" he says. The kid, not being very experienced, just shrugs at the pharmacist and says "I need some condoms, but I don't know which ones to get." The pharmacist smiles and says "Alright well, we have three different box sizes. We have a small one, for two times, a medium one for five times, or a big one for 15 times. How active are you going to be?". The kid smiles and says "Probably will need the big one.. You see, I'm going to a nice dinner with my girlfriend tonight and it will be our first time. I think we're going to be really busy!" "Ok," Says the pharmacist, and he rings up the order and the kid leaves the store.

Later that night, the kid gets to his girlfriend's house for dinner with her and her family, to get to know them. He rings the doorbell and his girlfriend comes and meets him and leads him to the dining room where her family was already sitting down to eat. The kid sits down next to her, the mom looks at him, smiles and says "Ok, would anybody like to say grace before we start?". The kid immediately raises his hand. They all bow their heads in prayer. The boy prays for five minutes.... ten minutes.... going on 15 minutes... the girl looks over at him in surprise and says "Wow, I didn't know you were so religious!" To which the boy replies "Yeah, and I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist.."

Chuc Morris
Posted - 2011.04.01 18:04:00 - [160]

Originally by: Neoexecutor
Chuck Norris' daughter has lost her virginity... Chuck Norris got it back.

And you, ass hole, gona get my boot across your dirty face ! Laughing

Gaia Ma'chello
Posted - 2011.04.01 18:07:00 - [161]

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went on a camping trip. During the night Holmes woke up, looked about, then woke Watson.

"Watson, look up, tell me what you see, and what you deduce"

"I see a myriad of stars. As I know one star has planets, ours, I expect that many of those stars must also have planets. And as I know one planet has intelligent life, I expect many of those planets do to. So I deduce that the universe contains many intelligent life forms other than ourselves."

"Watson you fool, during the night, someone stole our tent!"

Nathanial Victor
Posted - 2011.04.01 18:11:00 - [162]

ok , real funny guys

my kids aren't breathing, i have a headache, and worst of all THAT CRAP DIDN'T MAKE ANY CRYSTALS!

William Loire
State War Academy
Posted - 2011.04.01 18:16:00 - [163]

Mafia Italiana
Posted - 2011.04.01 18:28:00 - [164]

Edited by: Conar on 01/04/2011 18:32:17
A hot dog walks into a bar and orders: One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer.
The bartender looks at him and says: Sorry, we don't serve food here.

- Conar

For an extra laugh, look up what my toon means in french. I promise I had no idea when I selected the name. ugh

It's close to "Connard" which means motherf***er

Posted - 2011.04.01 18:48:00 - [165]

April fools...

Isn't it obvious? All you slackers practically begging for something you will never get.

Deep Core Mining Inc.
Posted - 2011.04.01 19:18:00 - [166]

Edited by: Ardamalis on 01/04/2011 19:18:21

In other news: North Korea has announced the following plans for Space Travel.

Light Raider
Posted - 2011.04.01 19:22:00 - [167]

OP after is 3 years playing EvE :)

Funny as hell

Brutious Burlious
Posted - 2011.04.01 19:26:00 - [168]

Fracking EPIC troll sir! you sir are a genious.

Light Raider
Posted - 2011.04.01 19:36:00 - [169]

Or This

Atomic Heroes
The G0dfathers
Posted - 2011.04.01 19:40:00 - [170]

What do the tiger, and Siegfried have in common?

They both know what Roy tastes like.

King Aires
Kwame's Executive Protection Detail
Posted - 2011.04.01 20:06:00 - [171]

Good day sir... If you give me your 150b I will triple it and send you 450b back. I swear

Kratzi Nissinari
Posted - 2011.04.01 20:31:00 - [172]

Always review the owner's manual first…

Dear Tech Support:
Years ago I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity, such as Happy Hour 64, Golf 2.3, Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. Girlfriend 7.0 ran smoothly with all of these applications. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

A Troubled User.

Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once Installed!

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 36.24. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support
Ps. Some users have been successful with Wife 1.2 or even Wife 1.3, however, I do not recommend unless you read the owner's manual first.

Fiori 161
Imperial Genesis
Posted - 2011.04.01 20:32:00 - [173]

Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen
After plaing the game for 3 yrs now i have decided to quit EVE. Im fed up with the way EVE is going atm. Im a eve player form the old genaration. Im only playing the game to shoot other people. Past year i hoped ccp would fnaly get it, pvp is broken... So many shiptypes and especialy my favourite Black Op's. After realizing that ccp dont learn form their mistakes and the CSM is a joke (see black op linky) i think its enough to cancel my 4 accounts.

Post in here and make me laugh. The best 4 post are getting picked out and i will toss a few coins. (head always wins Wink)

Good Lucky

I feel your pain, this is about where I am at (TBH have been there a good long while) The only reason why I continue to play is the investment in time that I put into EVE Online early on.

Part of the problem with EVE are the probies on the forums. 99% of the people here are troll alts or new people who just don't know any better, and the result is an environment so smeared with monkey poo that no intelligent debate can ever take place.

The vast and ever growing list of problems with this game are masked under a blanked of "U Mad" "Wow is that way" and "Bai"

I have nothing funny to say.
I'm just hoping that soon a new MMO will come along that has what EVE once did a long time ago.
Bound to happen eventually right?

Chris Bartlett
C.R.M Productions
Posted - 2011.04.01 20:59:00 - [174]

Edited by: Chris Bartlett on 01/04/2011 21:11:58
Goodie but oldie, might give you nostalgia

Wooly Rider
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:05:00 - [175]

I'd make you laugh on how I got this name in RL, but tbh laying low is probably the best course of action atm, especially since that dye the farmers use takes an age to come off. Damn it .. why does it have to be so blue.

Posted - 2011.04.01 21:08:00 - [176]

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Graham Bell first invented telephone he had 2 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes.

You have 150b, Chuck Norris has 1b. Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Mike TheMiner
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:09:00 - [177]

Edited by: Mike TheMiner on 01/04/2011 21:09:42
Click here

Pookie McPook
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:10:00 - [178]

OK.....I'm feeling poor right now, so....

There is currently a debate on whether or not to show The Flinstones in the Middle East.The people in Dubai don't get the humour, but the people of Abu Dhabi do.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?""Yes.""Oui.""Sí.""Ja."

Turns out 3DS doesn't work if you close one eye. Guess Nintendo really is serious about clamping down on pirates this hardware generation

and finally.....

How many immature teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Your mum.

Thank you and goodnight Twisted Evil

Posted - 2011.04.01 21:11:00 - [179]

Mmmm! Goddamn, Hemmo! This is some serious gourmet ****! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET **** on us! What flavor is this?

You're... Hemmo, right? This is your house?
I'm Ningzilla, I solve problems.

Pfeng Tchuy
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:18:00 - [180]

Man, seriously: Keep your stuff and ISK, you will come back anyway.

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