| Author |
Topic |
Nuniki
Percussive Diplomacy |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:20:00 - [ 121]
|
Hashpipe Malone |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:22:00 - [ 122]
Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong once had a Testicle contest. Chuck won by five.  |
Zemkhoff |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:24:00 - [ 123]
|
Barakkus |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:28:00 - [ 124]
|
000Hunter000
Gallente
Missiles 'R' Us
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:29:00 - [ 125]
Edited by: 000Hunter000 on 01/04/2011 16:48:24Hm... i'm hoping for the sympathy share here... Now the story... I'm old... in eve terms that is. I might not be the oldest player in eve, but i'm betting i have one of the oldest original owned chars, which has never unsubbed in all of that time. So in short, i started this char in april 2004 (yes 7 years ago gdit!!!  ) and never stopped training on it nor stopped paying my sub... ... And i'm poor... yes ok, i do have a few ships here and there, but thats it... i have a lousy 100 mill in my wallet, this for a 7 year old char who never stopped playing is... to say the least... laughable!!!  Please help me feel less ashamed  EDIT: this is not an april fools joke is it?  I really AM poor |
A'Brantox Foson
Minmatar |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:33:00 - [ 126]
u can take that isk and shove it up your ass :)
|
Lost Greybeard
Gallente |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:37:00 - [ 127]
 Originally by: Joe Skellington
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It is a really obscure number and you have probably never heard of it.
Nah, they had to sell out to get enough light, you need a lot of bulbs when you're underground. |
Father Void
Minmatar
MerTeK
Quantum Forge |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:42:00 - [ 128]
Edited by: Father Void on 01/04/2011 16:45:17
This may get me in trouble for being mildly offensive but what the hell.
A came up with a new term today. (Not sure if it already existed but to my mind it was original)
I was walking to work listening to some NIN and this convertible almost hits me. First reaction after my heart resettled in my chest was "Who's the douche in the convertible?" I generally like a convertible on a sunny day but also believe that douches generally inhabit them. It's a paradox.
So I look into the eyes of a barbi blonde complete with a micro dog creature in the passenger seat. She starts screaming at me in some hyper-bone shattering shrill voice. This tone apparently resonates with the "dog" and it starts yapping at me. Great now half the people walking to work are staring at me.
Some primal part of my brain responds and says "Shut Up **** Sock."
I laughed to myself all the way to work and heard several people chuckling and talking about it behind. Good morning.
|
Lord Wamphyri
Amarr
Starside Lost
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:43:00 - [ 129]
Ah hell.. why not? A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea .... it's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself." She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!" He never heard the shot. Funeral is on Thursday at Noon. The coffin will be closed. |
medea betencore
Gallente
Mineral Monkey |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:44:00 - [ 130]
What do a divorce and a tornado in Alabama have in common?
SOMEBODY'S LOSING A MOBILE HOME |
Xantish |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:47:00 - [ 131]
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they are ugly and stink
Can i haz some stuff |
Ioci
Gallente
Space Mermaids
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:48:00 - [ 132]
40 billion in officer mods and you are rage quitting because the the Blocks Ops doesn't meet MSRP? |
Eyup Mi'duck |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:49:00 - [ 133]
Once upon a time there was this rich EVE player who decided to forum emo-rage-quit on the 1st of April, and offered to give away all his stuff to the best posts. But nobody knew if he serious or not, 'cos it was the first of April, but they posted anyway, because hope springs eternal. Deep down, they knew they wouldn't get anything, because this is EVE and in EVE you get griefed and scammed, but they posted anyway. Because that is what you do in EVE. Ha ha ha. Who gets the last laugh? Nice one.  The end. |
Oni Sixx |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:49:00 - [ 134]
Edited by: Oni Sixx on 01/04/2011 16:52:21Linkage |
Zeetchmen |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:52:00 - [ 135]
I love the beginning day of the fourth month of the year. |
Jowen Datloran
Caldari
Science and Trade Institute
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:53:00 - [ 136]
Give me your ISK and I will buy a black ops and go and kill a titan.
Ibis, I mean. I should stand a pretty good chance. |
Herrring
Amarr
National Quality Breaker
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:54:00 - [ 137]
Ok i know its an april fools thread but still..
its fun to share jokes.
Anyway, here is mine that I heard a few years back.
In an American base somewhere in the middle east.
A new commander is assigned to this base.
The new commander while looking around the base, notices a camel tied up in the middle of the base.
So he asks his lieutenant, "What is that camel doing there?"
"the soldiers use it when they get "lonely" at night"
The commander although a bit disgusted, nods thinking it's probably better to keep it than demoralizing the troops.
For months, every time someone untied the camel and took it away the commander just looked the other way.
However, as time passed by, days became weeks and weeks became months, the commander himself was feeling a bit tempted. It has been so long since he has been with his wife.
One day, the commander called his lieutenant and tells him to bring the camel to his room at night.
The lieutenant, with a confused look, tells the commander that he will bring the camel that night. Orders are orders after all.
The next morning,the satisfied commander calls his lieutenant and says "Wow, that was really something. Now i understand why the old commander kept the camel. Do other soldiers also sleep with the camel often when they are horny?"
And the liuetenant says, "no sir, When they feel horny, they just ride the camel to the town to pickup women"
|
Aloe Cloveris
The Greater Goon |
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:57:00 - [ 138]
Edited by: Aloe Cloveris on 01/04/2011 16:59:39
Q. What did the little boy who lost his arms and legs in a house fire get for Christmas?
A. Cancer. |
The Old Chap |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:04:00 - [ 139]
OK, so another true story....
During the great flood, after forty days and nights at sea, Noah's family decided they couldn't put up with the smell any more and decided to throw all the animals sh*t overboard. So they all got to work with their shovels and spent all the next day chucking sh*t over the side.
Don't you know, it stayed there undiscovered for thousands of years until one day, this guy called Christopher Columbus found it again.
I guess that's no iskies for me if the OP is a yank... |
Mecinia Lua
Galactic Express
Intrepid Crossing |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:05:00 - [ 140]
wo Sides of War
by Grantland Rice
"All wars are planned by older men
In council rooms apart,
Who call for greater armament
And map the battle chart.
But out along the shattered field
Where golden dreams turn gray,
How very young the faces were
Where all the dead men lay.
Portly and solemn in their pride,
The elders cast their vote
For this or that, or something else,
That sounds the martial note.
But where their sightless eyes stare out
Beyond life's vanished toys,
I've noticed nearly all the dead
Were hardly more than boys." |
A'Brantox Foson
Minmatar |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:09:00 - [ 141]
Edited by: A''Brantox Foson on 01/04/2011 17:12:13hipsters joke gets my money... they do my nuts in, except for the lady ones :) Unfortunatly I have no isk for any1 Edit: Or do i? heh heh... -best derogatry joke about hipstars gets 50mil from my main. A'Bran |
Rilliafane |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:12:00 - [ 142]
Edited by: Rilliafane on 01/04/2011 17:19:27 Originally by: 000Hunter000
Hm... i'm hoping for the sympathy share here...
Now the story... I'm old... in eve terms that is. I might not be the oldest player in eve, but i'm betting i have one of the oldest original owned chars, which has never unsubbed in all of that time.
So in short, i started this char in april 2004 (yes 7 years ago gdit!!! ) and never stopped training on it nor stopped paying my sub...
... And i'm poor... yes ok, i do have a few ships here and there, but thats it... i have a lousy 100 mill in my wallet, this for a 7 year old char who never stopped playing is... to say the least... laughable!!!
Please help me feel less ashamed
Sympathy share? I thought the point was to make the OP laugh. Regardless, your situation is nothing that deserves sympathy. You're just lazy in-game. On the other hand, why don't you try going through life with a 1.5 inch crank that grows to a full 2 inches when erect. You think you got problems? I got laid once and somehow every woman in the world instantly knew about it. Never got a date again. I found one woman who agreed to have my children but would only do it through artificial insemination because she could feel the syringe more than she could feel my pecker. Do you know how they obtain the little guys? Self Pleasure. You don't know humiliation until you have been asked to jerk off in a doctors office and have to use only two fingers to do it. Oh, and male enhancement is a joke for someone like me. Do you know that every enlargement product available is designed for 5 inches at the minimum? I rattle around inside that pump like a marble in a coffee can. It's like trying to put a ballpoint pen inside a toilet paper tube and expecting something to happen. Humiliation is when you realize that your pubic hair is longer than your shank. Hung like a button on a wool coat. Yep, that's me. So don't you dare ask for sympathy over something like that and call back when you have real issues. Thank you. EDIT: Apparently, The proper term for pleasing ones self with nothing but a jar of lube and your hand, or in my case, a couple of fingers, is not allowed by the profanity filter. |
Xavier Rebus |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:13:00 - [ 143]
As it's April fools let the jokes roll!
Man gets home from work and say to his wife
'Get me a beer before it starts'
She brings one, he drinks it and says to her
'Quick get me another before it starts'
again she returns with a beer and he drinks it before saying
'another before it starts'
She says
'Listen here you lazy fat bastard, you walk in here, sit down and start barking orders....
The man puts his head in his hands, grits his teeth and says
'**** me it's started.....' |
Lost Greybeard
Gallente |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:13:00 - [ 144]
Originally by: Eyup Mi'duck
but they posted anyway, because hope springs eternal.
Yes, because there's absolutely no reason other than hoping that you'll get paid off to post in the "make a joke on April 1" thread.  |
Donatien de'Sade
Red Federation |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:15:00 - [ 145]
Once upon a time, I bought a Sin...  |
Herrring
Amarr
National Quality Breaker
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:17:00 - [ 146]
Originally by: Rilliafane
Originally by: 000Hunter000
Hm... i'm hoping for the sympathy share here...
Now the story... I'm old... in eve terms that is. I might not be the oldest player in eve, but i'm betting i have one of the oldest original owned chars, which has never unsubbed in all of that time.
So in short, i started this char in april 2004 (yes 7 years ago gdit!!! ) and never stopped training on it nor stopped paying my sub...
... And i'm poor... yes ok, i do have a few ships here and there, but thats it... i have a lousy 100 mill in my wallet, this for a 7 year old char who never stopped playing is... to say the least... laughable!!!
Please help me feel less ashamed
Sympathy share? I thought the point was to make the OP laugh. Regardless, your situation is nothing that deserves sympathy. You're just lazy in-game.
On the other hand, why don't you try going through life with a 1.5 inch crank that grows to a full 2 inches when erect. You think you got problems? I got laid once and somehow every woman in the world instantly knew about it. Never got a date again. I found one woman who agreed to have my children but would only do it through artificial insemination because she could feel the syringe more than she could feel my pecker.
Do you know how they obtain the little guys? ************. You don't know humiliation until you have been asked to jerk off in a doctors office and have to use only two fingers to do it.
Oh, and male enhancement is a joke for someone like me. Do you know that every enlargement product available is designed for 5 inches at the minimum? I rattle around inside that pump like a marble in a coffee can. It's like trying to put a ballpoint pen inside a toilet paper tube and expecting something to happen.
Humiliation is when you realize that your pubic hair is longer than your shank. Hung like a button on a wool coat. Yep, that's me.
So don't you dare ask for sympathy over something like that and call back when you have real issues.
Thank you.
Dang..... thats all i can say. |
Chris Fierce
Caldari
NoD Imperium
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:19:00 - [ 147]
|
quickshot89
Caldari
89th Logistics
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:21:00 - [ 148]
Chuck Noris used to be it all, then CCP nerfed him |
Zwyggy Zythum |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:22:00 - [ 149]
Nice April Fool's joke.
|
Soma Khan
Caldari |
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:24:00 - [ 150]
nice april fools troll!
10/10 |
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