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Uuali
Posted - 2011.04.04 05:27:00 - [301]
 

This guy is obsessed with marrying and screwing a virgin.

So he goes to an orphanage, adopts a girl and takes her to a monastery and let the monks raise her until she is old enough to marry.

Years later the guy returns, marries the girl and takes her on a honeymoon.

He can't wait to get down to business so he strips down, hops in the bed with her and starts putting vasoline on his willy.

The girl asks why he's doing that and he says so it'll go in easier and I won't hurt you.

So the girl says, "Why don't you just spit on your **** like the monks did?"

Cal Abunga
The Foreign Legion
Wildly Inappropriate.
Posted - 2011.04.04 06:33:00 - [302]
 

An Eve Morning
Player: brush teeth
Eve: you dont have a toothbrush
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: are you sure? that item is 43 jumps away
Player: fly to item
Eve: autopilot disabled. waypoint reached
Player: dock
Eve: docking permission requested
Player: dock
Eve: docking permission requested
Player: dock
Player: dock
Player: dock
Eve: docking request...accepted
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: you donít have the skills necessary to use that item
Player: buy Teethbrushing
Player: train Teethbrushing I
Eve: skill training complete
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: you dont have the skills necessary to use that item
Player: buy Electric Toothbrush Operation
Player: train Electric Toothbrush Operation I
Eve: skill training complete
Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I
Eve: insufficient power

Jon Taggart
State War Academy
Posted - 2011.04.04 07:13:00 - [303]
 

Edited by: Jon Taggart on 04/04/2011 07:14:22


A masked robber walks into the sperm bank, waving his gun in the direction of the receptionist.

"Give me all of your money!" he shouts at the young woman, moving closer to her.

"B-b-but sir! This is a sperm bank, w-w-we don't carry much cash on hand," she replies.

"Fine! You see those containers in the refrigerator back there? Drink one!"

"You can't possibly be serious!?"

He shoves the gun in her face. "Do as I say, pick one of those containers up and drink it! I swear to God I will shoot you!"

She does so without hesitation.

"Another!"

Again.

"Sir...please!"

He removes his skimask, revealing the haggard face beneath it. "HAROLD!?" she shouts in dismay, to which her husband replies, "SEE!? It wasn't THAT hard now was it!?"

Rumple Fourskin
Posted - 2011.04.04 07:17:00 - [304]
 

Edited by: Rumple Fourskin on 04/04/2011 07:19:14
god damn language filter broke my funny link. Sad

Sader Rykane
Amarr
The Dark Space Initiative
Revival Of The Talocan Empire
Posted - 2011.04.04 07:31:00 - [305]
 


Dr Richard Dawkins
Posted - 2011.04.04 07:43:00 - [306]
 


Nomine Kimaris
Posted - 2011.04.04 07:59:00 - [307]
 


You know you play too much eve when
... have set 'skilltraining completed' as your alarm clock sound, as it always makes you get up, no matter what time it is.

... You always ask

CAN I HAZ YOUR STUFF?

Carey Amor
Amarr
Metaphysical Utopian Society Explorations
Posted - 2011.04.04 08:14:00 - [308]
 

Posting to make Hemmo laugh Very Happy

eraseravengers
Posted - 2011.04.04 10:27:00 - [309]
 

If this isn't a april fools thread i'll show you my gf's 3 breasts Laughing

Sonicle Scout
Posted - 2011.04.04 11:40:00 - [310]
 

Give it to plex for good. :D

There are two miners in a belt having a conversation and a can flipper is orbiting them.
The miner says to the other:

"Can flippers have no sense of EVE outside of shooting people. Here, watch."

The miner opens a channel and says to the can flipper:

"I can give you 40,000m3 of Arkanor or 80,000m3 of Dark Ochre if you'll go away"

The can flipper chooses the Dark Ochre and flies away and the miner remarks to the other with a "See?".
Later, the other miner is delivering a cargohold of ore to the station and sees the can flipper outside. He opens a channel and asks why he chose Dark Ochre. The can flipper replies with:

"Because if I choose the Arkanor, he'll stop doing it".

Wacktopia
Sicarius.
Legion of The Damned.
Posted - 2011.04.04 11:46:00 - [311]
 


You can't really beat this for funny? Can you? :)

(mildly NSFW)

Siamus
Posted - 2011.04.04 12:07:00 - [312]
 


Feroz
Posted - 2011.04.04 12:13:00 - [313]
 

Edited by: Feroz on 20/04/2011 09:22:37

grfdsfdaghdfr
Posted - 2011.04.04 12:34:00 - [314]
 

Edited by: grfdsfdaghdfr on 04/04/2011 12:34:41

grfdsfdaghdfr
Posted - 2011.04.04 12:39:00 - [315]
 

Edited by: grfdsfdaghdfr on 04/04/2011 12:40:09
Edited by: grfdsfdaghdfr on 04/04/2011 12:39:26
Can't get much more fun than this Very Happy

http://www.wimp.com/funnyfail/


Wtf, why can't I change character to post with? =/

Eliseo Mordekaiser
Minmatar
Posted - 2011.04.04 13:20:00 - [316]
 


Grand Sausage
The Terran Sausage Fest
Posted - 2011.04.04 13:52:00 - [317]
 

the holocaust

Vilheehn Thore
Posted - 2011.04.04 14:30:00 - [318]
 

Flying a Minmatar ship is like riding a wheelchair down a flight of stairs while firing two uzi's full auto and screaming at the top of your lungs.

salvy03
Posted - 2011.04.04 15:38:00 - [319]
 

trying

Hakkar'al Gallente
Posted - 2011.04.04 15:45:00 - [320]
 

Originally by: Cal Abunga
An Eve Morning


That actually made me Smile

Daemonspirit
Six Degrees of Separation
Posted - 2011.04.04 15:48:00 - [321]
 

Originally by: Vilheehn Thore
Flying a Minmatar ship is like riding a wheelchair down a flight of stairs while firing two uzi's full auto and screaming at the top of your lungs.


Ok, THAT made me laugh. Wife laughed too, and she doesn't play eve! Shocked

kri tak
Posted - 2011.04.04 16:02:00 - [322]
 

Help me,Hemmo Paskiainen ; you're my only hope.

Chronos Chi
Posted - 2011.04.04 21:24:00 - [323]
 

Kate Middleton has asked the queen the secret to a long married life. The queen replied , 'wear a seat belt and don't **** me off.'...

MotherMoon
Huang Yinglong
Posted - 2011.04.04 21:41:00 - [324]
 

I'll be running some new classes a/for eve university, it's not really funny, but any isk would be welcomed to buy the poor noobs some Bcs to go pvp roaming with.

MaxxOmega
Caldari
Temporal Mechanics
Posted - 2011.04.04 22:07:00 - [325]
 

d00d

Keep yer stuff and don't quit. Stick around, keep at least one account going. You have a lot of time invested, stick around for better days...

Jaik7
Posted - 2011.04.04 22:17:00 - [326]
 

once upon a time, there was a guy who was going to quit eve and give away all his stuff. he decided that he would post on the forums and set up a competition where the top four funniest guys would be randomly selected. then this other guy is wandering through the forums and he finds that thread, and he decides to post the lamest story he can think of, which happens to be that of this thread. he types out the story without bothering to read beyond the first two posts.

prove to me you're serious, send me one bil and i will corroborate your story and send you half of it back.

RabbidFerret
Kinetic Cartel
Shadow of xXDEATHXx
Posted - 2011.04.04 23:33:00 - [327]
 

Hyrda Alliance (the original)

Jaik7
Posted - 2011.04.04 23:56:00 - [328]
 

Originally by: Zemkhoff
Edited by: Zemkhoff on 01/04/2011 16:25:36
some red pandas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6GaPkkGZGw




oh come on! how are we supposed to compete with them!

Sinaras Rin
Posted - 2011.04.05 11:43:00 - [329]
 

GOMtv.net The ultimate source of SC2 esport combined with awesome jokes from the casters.

Flynn Fetladral
Royal Order of Security Specialists
Posted - 2011.04.05 13:24:00 - [330]
 

Edited by: Flynn Fetladral on 05/04/2011 13:24:38
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a ****zu.


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