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Br41n
Amarr
Ministry of War
Posted - 2011.04.02 22:36:00 - [271]
 

GM Guard > I must ask you not to use the petition option like this again but i personally would finish the chicken sandwich first so it won´t go to waste. The spaghetti will keep and you can use it the next time you get hungry. Best regards.

Anti Castro Pigeons
Minmatar
Coup Coup Coup
Posted - 2011.04.02 22:42:00 - [272]
 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,


Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Eugenie Lefevre
Gallente
The Intaki Ladies Deep Space Astrogation Auxiliary
Posted - 2011.04.02 22:46:00 - [273]
 

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

Tobias Sjodin
Habitual Euthanasia
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2011.04.02 22:55:00 - [274]
 

For a good laugh, look the word: "Anatadaephobia" up.

Now imagine that there are enough people with that particular 'sickness' around to warrant a clinical diagnosis.

Rixiu
The Inuits
Posted - 2011.04.02 23:11:00 - [275]
 

Edited by: Rixiu on 02/04/2011 23:12:00
So... Can I haz your stuffz?
No? I need to make you laugh first? But that's hard work and as an EVE player I resent your attempt to force me to do anything in order to get stuff. CCP has clearly showed that no effort should be involved in the creation of isk and therefore you're in violation of the EPEEN (the Eve Player Entertainment and Experience Narration) and this thread will be locked for violating said EPEEN.

IB4TL

Emalyn Throsar
Caldari
Posted - 2011.04.02 23:15:00 - [276]
 

Two cannibals were eating a clown and one turns to the other and says, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"


RiskyFrisky
Interrobang Inc.
Posted - 2011.04.02 23:24:00 - [277]
 


Estella Vance
Posted - 2011.04.02 23:25:00 - [278]
 

I WANT MY FREE KITTE... oops, sorry, wrong thread^^.

Lowki Wartooth
Posted - 2011.04.03 00:27:00 - [279]
 

Edited by: Lowki Wartooth on 03/04/2011 00:28:14
It's a Trap!

Surprised

Spiral Architect
Oberon Incorporated
Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2011.04.03 06:15:00 - [280]
 

Edited by: Spiral Architect on 03/04/2011 06:16:25
Origin of Golf

F'elch
Wall Street Trading
Posted - 2011.04.03 07:40:00 - [281]
 

Take your isk, and shovel it.

Aquana Abyss
Posted - 2011.04.03 08:59:00 - [282]
 

April fool!

Renan Ruivo
Hipernova
Vera Cruz Alliance
Posted - 2011.04.03 09:19:00 - [283]
 

Smiles inside.

There, my post just made you laught, and don't say it didn't because i know it did Very Happy

Yes it did...... yees it diiid..

Heradutus
Posted - 2011.04.03 09:23:00 - [284]
 

Bu Bu Bubble Bu Bu Bubble, Bubble Guppies Bubble Guppies,Buh Buh Bubble, Bubble Guppies! Yah!

Thats the opening music to a cartoon my kids watch, i always chuckle a little.

And my favorite joke of all time

What did the farmer say when he couldnt find his tractor?

A: Where the hell is my damn tractor?

Drakhar M'zan
Amarr
Posted - 2011.04.03 09:38:00 - [285]
 

How many low sec pirates does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, to stand there and hold the bulb and let the rest of the world revolve around them

(Thought it would be a good parting joke)

I'll trade you my wife for a winning spot..no seriously.

Im not kidding you can have her.

You know what you can have her for free.

Im just kidding my wife is a super lady, a super pain in the balls.

I look forward to each new day with her, because i know i'm one day closer to the grave, and I'll be FREE!!

She really is the woman of my dreams, I wish the terrible dreams would just stop already.

The day we got married was the happiest day of my life, because I knew her dad would finally put the shotgun away.

If i had known then what i know now, I'da let him shoot me.....

Good luck m8, Be safe at whatever you do next

I can Next Day Air deliver her to you?

TractionControl
Bad Company DBD
R.A.G.E
Posted - 2011.04.03 11:26:00 - [286]
 

Chuck Norris doesn't need to lick his stamps, instead he stares at them and they wet themselves!

Abby Sheridan
Posted - 2011.04.03 13:10:00 - [287]
 

This is the voice of GOD!!!! Give up your EVIL ways! Give your money to ME! You will be eternally blessed with scores of beautiful women/men (depending on preference) and an endless supply of chocolate chip cookies.

Lady Isabell
Amarr
S.A.S
Pandemic Legion
Posted - 2011.04.03 13:14:00 - [288]
 

Edited by: Lady Isabell on 03/04/2011 13:14:45
so I was browsing the forums today and came a cross this funny thread, I think it is hilarious.

Jamyl the Great
Posted - 2011.04.03 15:32:00 - [289]
 

give it to me and i'll fill a freighter with narcotics with it, the i'll drive to Jita.....

shackdavid
Caldari
Trojan Trolls
Posted - 2011.04.03 15:47:00 - [290]
 


Veldspar Roid : Ok, here we go guys... they'll be back any minute.
Dense Veldspar Roid : who will?
Veldspar Roid : The players you idiot
Dense Veldspar Roid : ohhhh

12:15 GMT
Veldspar Roid : That's odd. Still quiet. Hey, anyone seen any players?
Scordite Roid : Nope. It's not expansion day already is it?
Veldspar Roid : Nah. Oh well, enjoy it while it lasts.

12:55 GMT
Scordite Roid : Ok, now I'm getting suspicious. Something happened to mining lately? Did the trit prices plunge?
Elder Corpum Arch Priest : We're not getting any bites either.
Veldpar Roid : errrr you're not a belt rat. How did you get here?
Elder Corpum Arch Priest : Just looking around while it's quiet.
Dense Veldspar Roid : What's a belt rat?
Scordite Roid : Good grief.

13:15 GMT
Veldspar Roid : Anyone got access to the net?
Elder Corpum Arch Priest : Yeah, in game browser.
Veldspar Roid : Check the news
Elder Corpum Arch Priest : What am I looking for?
Veldspar Roid : Giant volcano blast in Iceland destroys infrastructure, many hamsters believed dead
Dense Veldspar Roid : What's a ..
Scordite Roid, Veldspar Roid, Elder Corpum Arch Priest : SHUT UP!

CaTaStroPhic BeHavioR
Posted - 2011.04.03 18:30:00 - [291]
 

Panties Cool

madsamo
Posted - 2011.04.03 20:24:00 - [292]
 

I'll buy every exotic dance in the universe with that money.
EVERY SINGLE ONE

Violent Flame
Amarr
Viziam
Posted - 2011.04.03 21:10:00 - [293]
 

So you think you had a hard childhood? Well **** YOU, it’s got nothing on mine. My mom practically kicked my ass out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never even met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the prick next door who was always beating the **** out of me and telling me I wasn’t worth ****. Its not even like I had a choice, the town had something like 9 people living in it, I **** you not. My entire adolescence was moving around from place to place trying to get along with people who didn’t even want me.

You think that’s the worst? My only friend was an Asian guy in his thirties or something, who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. The only perk was that I also got to hang around with this cute ginger chick, she was flat as a pancake sure, but damn she was a total nymph. She must have been a sadist or something cause she always took pleasure in hitting me and telling me how she loved to get wet.

But dear god the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know these types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other’s sentences? Yeah they were ****ing creepers, and they had a cat, which was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the **** up.

Like I said, I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time.

The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a pokemon master.

Maverick2011
Caldari
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Posted - 2011.04.03 21:18:00 - [294]
 

Edited by: Maverick2011 on 03/04/2011 21:18:46
LOL this topic will be worth reading just for the jokes, well i'm terrible jokes but I have a saying like this:

"The Semen is nothing but tears from a peenis in love"

Thenoran
Caldari
Tranquility Industries
Posted - 2011.04.03 21:21:00 - [295]
 

I'd use it to buy a whole bunch of Panthers and use them to decloak and insta pop frigs and cruisers, just for the fun of it.

1400mm surprise *********.

FishermansFriend
Posted - 2011.04.04 00:11:00 - [296]
 

If you give it to me, I wont punch your grandmother.

Elizabeth Azora
Posted - 2011.04.04 01:35:00 - [297]
 

An elderly patient had some tests done at the doctor's office. The doctor enters the room and the conversation goes as follows:

The doctor explains, "I am sorry to inform you that I have some bad news. The recent test results came back with some very serious issues. We have found out that you have a cancerous mass on your kidney. If that wasn't bad enough, you also have a rather progressed case of Alzheimer's".

The patient, overjoyed, screams "WOOHOOOOOOOO! AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE CANCER!"

Aiko Zan
Amarr
Posted - 2011.04.04 02:20:00 - [298]
 

Originally by: Anti Castro Pigeons
Bla..Bla.. Bla


Who cares what you just said that face alone should win you something!

Corporate Thief
Caldari
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Posted - 2011.04.04 02:37:00 - [299]
 


Ishta Yun
Gallente
Pray Mantis Private Military Corporation
Posted - 2011.04.04 02:49:00 - [300]
 

Little anecdote from my childhood =p.

In 8th grade I had a little commodities exchange business. I sold my uncles **** collection.

I was in the middle of brokering a deal in the coat room with a classmate when the teacher came in and busted up the deal. She confiscated my inventory and brought me to the principles office. The principle popped in the tape (unlabeled) right in front of me. Afro Erotica 4 came up on the screen cued right up to a zoomed in ass and ball shot. She said "Oh GOD!!" and ran across the room to take the tape out. I thought it was funny bc the actress was saying "Oh GOD!!" herself...hahah

BTW...this was Catholic school. 2 days in school suspension...not bad actually....


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