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seplocked Out of Pod Experience
blankseplocked Two Cows
 
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Sader Rykane
Amarr
The Dark Space Initiative
Revival Of The Talocan Empire
Posted - 2011.02.07 16:05:00 - [1]
 

Edited by: Sader Rykane on 07/02/2011 16:50:09
Let me open first by saying: Sorry if this is old.


FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You help to take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Destination SkillQueue
Are We There Yet
Posted - 2011.02.07 16:25:00 - [2]
 

Initially I thought I'd like to give criticism on some of the analogies, but I have a feeling if I did that I would just end up as an extra line on that list.

24. Feckless: Has no cows, but spends excessive amounts of time on the internet arguing about the real life inaccuracy of two cow analogies made for comedic purposes.

Rawr Cristina
Caldari
Naqam
Posted - 2011.02.07 16:49:00 - [3]
 

Originally by: Sader Rykane
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.


Yup. We're already there Shocked

yani dumyat
Minmatar
Pixie Cats
Posted - 2011.02.07 23:29:00 - [4]
 

EVEISM: You milk both cows to death then stuff them using dried noobs, having performed this act of taxidermy and used the character generator to add mascara and a lifelike pose you then sell them in Jita as true sansha cows.

You take the profit and buy a cow farm, start a corp to get gullible players to work your farm for you and pay them in fail fit rifters.

The milk has been left in the cargohold of an old badger and you discover it 2 years later when doing a hanger clearout. The resulting cheese is then dissolved and sold as eau de minmatar.

Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
Posted - 2011.02.07 23:57:00 - [5]
 

ROMANIAN COMMUNISM : You have two cows. You send the milk to your children that live in the nearby city (because they can't buy milk there without sitting in line for 3 hours from 5 AM, and then only one liter per person), which send you money so you can pay the neighbour to sell you some hay to feed the cows.
ROMANIAN POST-REVOLUTION TRANSITION : You sell the two cows and stop drinking milk. You put your money in a pyramid scheme and get money for 16 cows, but you put it all back again, get money for 128 cows, then buy back only two cows and put all the rest back, then the scheme collapses. You have two cows and a calcium deficiency.
ROMANIAN CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You first sell the milk in the marketplace, but health regulations you can't afford to follow force you to stop doing that. Then big milk packaging companies try to buy the milk from you at a ridiculously low price that barely covers the costs. You then start sending the milk to the kids in the city again, because, hey, what else are you going to do.

Blane Xero
Amarr
The Firestorm Cartel
Posted - 2011.02.07 23:58:00 - [6]
 

Edited by: Blane Xero on 08/02/2011 00:02:01
Eveism is actually;

You had two cows, Now someone else does. You didn't want them anyway.

Welsh Democracy: You have two cows. You go to jail for polygamy.

Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
Posted - 2011.02.08 00:02:00 - [7]
 

Nah, EVEISM is : You have two cows. You insure them. You blow them up and cash in on the insurance. You buy one cow. Insure. Blow up. You buy a rabbit. Insure. Blow up. Go work hunting deer. Buy two cows. Repeat.

Herzog Wolfhammer
Gallente
Sigma Special Tactics Group
Posted - 2011.02.08 06:00:00 - [8]
 

Originally by: yani dumyat
EVEISM: You milk both cows to death then stuff them using dried noobs, having performed this act of taxidermy and used the character generator to add mascara and a lifelike pose you then sell them in Jita as true sansha cows.

You take the profit and buy a cow farm, start a corp to get gullible players to work your farm for you and pay them in fail fit rifters.

The milk has been left in the cargohold of an old badger and you discover it 2 years later when doing a hanger clearout. The resulting cheese is then dissolved and sold as eau de minmatar.



My life sucks lately and you just fixed that. Thanks.


Laughing

Culmen
Caldari
Culmenation
Posted - 2011.02.08 06:31:00 - [9]
 

Humm.. Hong Kong and Singapore...
is that how UK people think?
I'd take it as a complement...

stoicfaux
Gallente
Posted - 2011.02.08 07:10:00 - [10]
 

WoW-ism. You kill the cows, skin them, sell the resulting leather on the auction house, vendor the scraps, and look for more cows.

Eve-ism. The primary is Aardvark, missiles on Cow.


Caldari Citizen20090217
Posted - 2011.02.08 15:17:00 - [11]
 

EVEism: You have 2 cows. You sell 1 cow and buy 20 squirrels. You then make a contract for each squirrel listing it as "Caldari Navy Cow", and sell it at 3x the price to some newbie cattle farmer.

EVEism 2: You have 2 cows on a farm. One cow somehow gets director roles, empties your barn, and sets up a rival farm with your loot. She manages to make the other cow look responsible for it and you have her turned into burgers.

Monkeysphere EVE: You have 3 cows. One doesn't show up when you check tho, so it looks like 2.

Theocracy: You have 2 cows. These are sacred animals so you cannot eat them, mistreat them or milk them without permission. Or sell them. They are a blessing tho, so you are truly favoured by the Gods for having to feed and care for two unproductive cows.

Soviet Cattle-ocracy: In Soviet Cattleocracy, cows milk YOU!!11ONE (sorry someone had to)

Dannerkongen
Posted - 2011.02.08 18:07:00 - [12]
 

pretty funny

Toshiro GreyHawk
Posted - 2011.02.09 09:19:00 - [13]
 


Zindela
Caldari
School of Applied Knowledge
Posted - 2011.02.09 10:19:00 - [14]
 

Edited by: Zindela on 09/02/2011 10:22:03
Cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.

BRITISH CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

CANADIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose - in fact, yes they are. One speaks French, one speaks English. One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it. They both play ice hockey rather well.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge an outrageous fee to others for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest and detain without trial the journalist who reported the number of cows.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

ed. Slight variation of the OP Hong Kong:

AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

yani dumyat
Minmatar
Pixie Cats
Posted - 2011.02.09 11:22:00 - [15]
 


yani dumyat
Minmatar
Pixie Cats
Posted - 2011.02.09 11:26:00 - [16]
 

The above post was a ninjaocracy.


Vogue
Short Bus Pole Dancers
Posted - 2011.02.09 12:25:00 - [17]
 

BRITISH CAPITALISM: The two cows are sold to an overseas company and exported abroad. The milk and meat is imported back into the UK at a cheaper price for the UK consumer. The profit goes back to the foreign cow company. A banker in London buys a new Porsche from cow derivatives.


 

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