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ceaon
Posted - 2010.02.10 11:49:00 - [1]
 

copy paste a joke or i eat the bread dog

Quote:


A social misfit walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well Iíll tell you," replies the ugly bloke. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies.

I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top sometimes, her on top!"

"Fantastic," exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod. Was she pretty?"

"I dunno, I never found her head."


Alchemist Zemont
Gallente
Hysteria Nexus
Posted - 2010.02.10 11:53:00 - [2]
 

Originally by: ceaon
copy paste a joke or i eat the bread dog

Quote:


A social misfit walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well Iíll tell you," replies the ugly bloke. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies.

I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top sometimes, her on top!"

"Fantastic," exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod. Was she pretty?"

"I dunno, I never found her head."




My sister has been missing for a while now, after reading your story I am worried she may be the woman :'(

Culmen
Caldari
Culmenation
Posted - 2010.02.10 15:16:00 - [3]
 

Quote:
The subatomic particle store had a sale last week.
Electrons: $0.10
Protons : $0.10
Neutrons : free of charge

Irida Mershkov
Gallente
The Reformed
Chaos Theory Alliance
Posted - 2010.02.10 16:02:00 - [4]
 

Started a bakery the other day, the motto is: Because I Knead the Dough.

Last Wolf
Umbra Wing
Posted - 2010.02.10 17:04:00 - [5]
 

Two molecules were walking down the sidwalk. They turn a corner and bump into each other.

Molecule #1: I am so sorry! Are you ok?
Molecule #2: Yeah I'm alright, I seem to have lost an electron though
Molecule #1: Are you sure?
Molecule #2: I'm positive.

Jago Kain
Amarr
Ramm's RDI
Tactical Narcotics Team
Posted - 2010.02.10 17:37:00 - [6]
 

I exposed myself to two nuns in the park yesterday. One of them had a stroke... the other couldn't reach.

I'm here 'till Thursday, try the veal.



Last Wolf
Umbra Wing
Posted - 2010.02.10 17:42:00 - [7]
 

Two strangers are sitting next to each other in a plane, one is a man the other is a woman.

The plane suddenly starts losing altitude, The captain comes on the overhead and says "We're going down, brace yourselves for a rough landing"

The Woman turns to the man and says "I don't want to die yet!!" she rips off her shirt and screams "Make me feel like a woman one last time!!!"

The man, without any hesitation, rips off his own shirt holds it out to her and screams...





"IRON THIS!!!"

Dray
Caldari
Euphoria Released
HYDRA RELOADED
Posted - 2010.02.10 18:23:00 - [8]
 

Blind guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, after taking a sip he says the the barmaid "would you like to hear a good blonde joke?"

The barmaid replies "you're blind so I'm going to do you a favour here, on your left is a blond girl, who just happens to be a karate black belt, on your right is a blond girl who is a top kick boxer, I'm blond and I have a baseball bat behind the bar, are you sure your really want to tell a blonde joke?"

The blind guy takes another drink and thinks for a moment before he says "your probably right, I'd only have to explain it 3 times"

Culmen
Caldari
Culmenation
Posted - 2010.02.10 19:21:00 - [9]
 

A Black man and a Caucasian man walk into a bar.
It goes over the head of the Asian walking beside them.

Abrazzar
Posted - 2010.02.10 20:12:00 - [10]
 

a joke

Ok, done. What now?

Karma
Vortex Incorporated
Posted - 2010.02.10 20:24:00 - [11]
 

a priest, a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar and the bartender asks: "what is this, a joke?"

Awesome Possum
Original Sin.
PURPLE HELMETED WARRIORS
Posted - 2010.02.10 20:49:00 - [12]
 

Princeton: Ok tell me if you've heard this one. There's a plane going down, there's only one parachute, and there's a priest, a rabbi,...
Kate: and a black guy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbud8rLejLM

Rainus Max
Fusion Enterprises Ltd
Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2010.02.10 21:56:00 - [13]
 

How do you knit a dalek?

knit-1 pearl-2 extermin-8


Meh its bad I know

Alchemist Zemont
Gallente
Hysteria Nexus
Posted - 2010.02.10 22:06:00 - [14]
 

Originally by: Rainus Max
How do you knit a dalek?

knit-1 pearl-2 extermin-8


Meh its bad I know


Shocked

Grez
Neo Spartans
Laconian Syndicate
Posted - 2010.02.11 00:24:00 - [15]
 

A Muslim has been caught shagging a sheep in Wales. When questioned he said it was islamb, and he could do whatever he bloody well liked.

Epegi Givo
Amarr
Department of Redundancy Dpt.
Posted - 2010.02.11 04:38:00 - [16]
 

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skysc****r restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an ******* when you're drunk, Superman."

welki zynkov
Oblivion Of Shadows
Blood Alliance
Posted - 2010.02.11 07:03:00 - [17]
 

possibly the funnies website i have ever visited, here is the link to an article on it Very Happyhttp://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=26_things

Haxfar Portlaind
Posted - 2010.02.11 07:48:00 - [18]
 

Did you know photons have mass?
I didn't even know they are catholic.

Haxfar Portlaind
Posted - 2010.02.11 07:57:00 - [19]
 

For the 2012 movie
Quote:
I think the Mayans ran out of space on their calendar and thought it would be funny to screw with people in the future.

Yakoff
Alcatraz Inc.
Tactical Narcotics Team
Posted - 2010.02.11 15:43:00 - [20]
 

A man walks up to a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. Bartender, I'll take 2 drinks. One for now, and one for the road.


Jago Kain
Amarr
Ramm's RDI
Tactical Narcotics Team
Posted - 2010.02.11 18:39:00 - [21]
 

A bloke is driving a truck through the English countryside when he loses power and thick black smoke starts billowing from the exhaust. He pulls over by the gate to a field with two horses, a black one and a white one, in it.

He jacks the cab up, and has a cursory fiddle with plug leads etc., but can't find anything immediately obviously wrong when he hears a voice from behind him... "Looks like a blocked air filter mate".

He turns round and there is no-one there but the two horses.

He passes it off as imagination and is about to call the local garage when the white horse speaks to him again... "Definately a blocked filter mate. You can fix it yourself in 5 minutes. Just take it out, bang the dust out of it and put it back in."

He does as the horse suggests and then drops the cab and starts the engine. It runs perfectly with no smoke. He thanks the horse for it's help and carries on his way.

10 miles down the road he runs out of driving time and has to stop for his daily break. He spots a nice little country pub and pulls up in the car park intending to have a few jars before turning in.

Inside he gets talking to the barman and tells him about the talking horse who helpes him fix his truck.

"White horse was it?" asks the barman.

"Yes; how did you know?" asks the driver.

The barman replies, "Had to be; the black one knows **** all about diesels".



Zeba
Minmatar
Honourable East India Trading Company
Posted - 2010.02.11 19:34:00 - [22]
 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY


Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

FunzzeR
Legion of the Scottish Fold
Posted - 2010.02.11 19:42:00 - [23]
 

Did you hear about the kidnapping?

He just woke up..

Irida Mershkov
Gallente
The Reformed
Chaos Theory Alliance
Posted - 2010.02.11 21:06:00 - [24]
 

Edited by: Irida Mershkov on 11/02/2010 21:06:24
What's Large, Pink & Hard in the morning?

The Financial Times crossword.

Daelorn
Posted - 2010.02.11 21:11:00 - [25]
 

A horse walks into a bar.


The bartender escorts it outside, and promptly phones the police.

Karma
Vortex Incorporated
Posted - 2010.02.11 23:43:00 - [26]
 

Edited by: Karma on 11/02/2010 23:43:25
"A man with one watch knows what time it is.
a man with two watches is never quite sure"

"Even though I know nothing, I at least know that I know nothing. Thus meaning I actually DO know ONE thing.
Which means I am back to zero as the thing I thought I knew - is actually not true, causing me to know nothing at all"

philosoraptor for the mutherf***ing win.

Alchemist Zemont
Gallente
Hysteria Nexus
Posted - 2010.02.11 23:47:00 - [27]
 

Originally by: Daelorn
A horse walks into a bar.


The bartender escorts it outside, and promptly phones the police.


Sorry for your loss Crying or Very sad

Captian Conrad
Minmatar
Empyrean Warriors
Posted - 2010.02.12 00:50:00 - [28]
 

Originally by: Alchemist Zemont
Originally by: Daelorn
A horse walks into a bar.


The bartender escorts it outside, and promptly phones the police.


Sorry for your loss Crying or Very sad


yea Sad....horse's make good eat'in mmmmmmm YARRRR!!

Irida Mershkov
Gallente
The Reformed
Chaos Theory Alliance
Posted - 2010.02.12 01:21:00 - [29]
 

Edited by: Irida Mershkov on 12/02/2010 01:41:45
Edited by: Irida Mershkov on 12/02/2010 01:41:29
Originally by: Alchemist Zemont
Originally by: Daelorn
A horse walks into a bar.


The bartender escorts it outside, and promptly phones the police.


Sorry for your loss Crying or Very sad

It's ok he can remarry. badumpstch~

Originally by: Grez
A Muslim has been caught shagging a sheep in Wales. When questioned he said it was islamb, and he could do whatever he bloody well liked.

I have to tell my father this. Laughing

Edit: Darth Vader speaks to Luke at Christmas.

Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for christmas this year.
Luke: N-, No... you can't.
Vader: I know what you're getting this year.
Luke: Th-That's Impossible!
Vader: I know what you're getting, I have felt your presents.


 

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