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Ostens Ren
Posted - 2010.01.12 20:53:00 - [1]
 

I was introduced to EVE by a co-worker a bit over a year ago. Since that time I have been playing this game and enjoying it very much. I am still an MMO game noob and only tried out WoW briefly but decided not to stick with it. In EVE I have joined several corporations, dabbled in piracy, did some manufacturing and exploration, participated in fleet battles and helped my alliance defend their space. Everything was going fine until recently.

It all started when I joined a new corporation. In this corp I met somebody and after a few months felt this all-overpowering attraction to this player. Never in my life have I felt anything like this before so my first response was to freak out. I knew that both of us are already in relationships. Now I think about this person every single day and can't get these thoughts out of my head. I thought with time I will get over it and it will all go away. But it has been several monhts now and my feelings for this person are not diminishing and it is consuming me mentally and emotionally . It has gotten to a point where i am enjoying the game between the time when that other person gets online and goes offline, and after i find myself disinterested in being online.

What I would like to know if anyone else went through the same and if this is standard happening in MMO games. Most importantly how did you get over it?

To the forum trolls about to tell me to crawl out of my mothers basement: I have ever since I was 17. I have a job, interestes besides playing games, and significant other whom I love very much. I am at a loss as to what happened and confsed how to deal with this Question


Awesome Possum
Original Sin.
PURPLE HELMETED WARRIORS
Posted - 2010.01.12 20:59:00 - [2]
 

must....resist.....troll bait

Destination SkillQueue
Are We There Yet
Posted - 2010.01.12 21:10:00 - [3]
 

Originally by: Awesome Possum
must....resist.....troll bait


Just do it. ugh

jason hill
Caldari
Clan Shadow Wolf
Fatal Ascension
Posted - 2010.01.12 21:49:00 - [4]
 

errm ! medication time Rolling Eyes

Blane Xero
Amarr
The Firestorm Cartel
Posted - 2010.01.12 22:08:00 - [5]
 

I shall resist this obvious troll/flame bait. As delicious as it might taste. It might just earn me my six months, and I MUST outpost Akita this year.

Ostens Ren
Posted - 2010.01.12 22:28:00 - [6]
 

Originally by: Merin Ryskin
* inappropriate text removed - CCP Ildoge

It's a female player. We live quite far from each other and interact only in game and through teamspeak. Both of us are in relationships (and yes i am having sex with my current gf and i do love her very much). I have tried to conceal my feelings for this player so far and decided time will make me lose interest. But it has been 7 months now and my feelings haven't changed. I realize I need help but don't know what will help. I am hoping somebody out of MMO players have had similar experience and want to hear how they resolved it.

Daphne Mezereum
Caldari
Posted - 2010.01.12 22:58:00 - [7]
 

Do you flirt IRL? If no, there is your answer. You have some need to flirt, and use an MMO to get it. Big deal.

Trathen
Minmatar
Posted - 2010.01.12 23:17:00 - [8]
 

Also must resist trolling. I'm sure whoever reads the post could think of a thousand ways to explain the immaturity behind this, but you wouldn't listen anyway. This is a mistake you need to make on your own. You'll be better for it.

Merin Ryskin
Peregrine Industries
Posted - 2010.01.13 02:02:00 - [9]
 

Originally by: Ostens Ren
Originally by: Merin Ryskin
* inappropriate text removed - CCP Ildoge

It's a female player. We live quite far from each other and interact only in game and through teamspeak. Both of us are in relationships (and yes i am having sex with my current gf and i do love her very much). I have tried to conceal my feelings for this player so far and decided time will make me lose interest. But it has been 7 months now and my feelings haven't changed. I realize I need help but don't know what will help. I am hoping somebody out of MMO players have had similar experience and want to hear how they resolved it.




1) You're in a relationship (and I assume a monogamous one). This is no different than seeing a cute girl anywhere else, if you can't keep your (metaphorical) pants on, inform your girlfriend that you are a worthless excuse for a human being, break up with her, and never attempt to form any romantic relationship ever again.


2) You're shallow. If you can have such "deep" feelings for someone you have never met and probably barely spoken to about anything other than EVE, you have the emotional depth of a puddle.


3) You're a creep. This other player probably doesn't even know you exist. Stop obsessing over some imagined idea of who they are, and do not under any circumstances say anything to the other player (let me guess, you heard a female voice on teamspeak and suddenly can't stop thinking about her just because she's an OMFG GIRL WHO PLAYS EVE!?!?!?!?). People like you are a major reason why few girls play online games.


4) She isn't interested anyway. You know why she hasn't expressed her desperate longing for you? Because she's too busy having wild, furniture-breaking sex with her boyfriend to care about you.

Ostens Ren
Posted - 2010.01.13 09:42:00 - [10]
 

Originally by: Merin Ryskin
stuff


1) Being in a relationship does not make me magically able to not feel and not think, and when I do feel and think a lot of times this female player becomes the focal point.

2) We have been having conversations in game and over voice comms for over half a year. And not just on game related subjects. True I have not met her in real life. But all that means is that I don't know what she looks like. And her looks is not what matters to me.

3) See above.

4) She has been flirting but I not sure if that is just friendly kind. In any case because we are both in relationships I was not asking advice on how to get her interested in the first place.

Sorry, but so far you have been of zero help Neutral

Wendat Huron
Stellar Solutions
Posted - 2010.01.13 10:03:00 - [11]
 

What happens on the internet stays on the internet.

Merin Ryskin
Peregrine Industries
Posted - 2010.01.13 10:13:00 - [12]
 

Originally by: Ostens Ren
1) Being in a relationship does not make me magically able to not feel and not think, and when I do feel and think a lot of times this female player becomes the focal point.


No, it doesn't make you magically able to not feel and think, but it does make things very simple: keep your (metaphorical) pants on. This is no different than if she was some random girl you ran into in a bar: you think "yeah, she's hot", and then you stop thinking about her.

Quote:
2) We have been having conversations in game and over voice comms for over half a year. And not just on game related subjects. True I have not met her in real life. But all that means is that I don't know what she looks like. And her looks is not what matters to me.


No, it means that you don't know her at all. Chatting over the internet is not the same thing as knowing someone in real life.

The best you have is a few bits of knowledge about the real person, and a whole lot of stuff you've invented yourself to fill in all the gaps. Sadly for you, this perfect imaginary girl is not the real person.

Quote:
3) See above.


The above changes nothing. Being so completely obsessed with this girl you have never even met is not normal. If she actually knew about this little thread of yours, she would probably never speak to you again.

Quote:
4) She has been flirting but I not sure if that is just friendly kind. In any case because we are both in relationships I was not asking advice on how to get her interested in the first place.


So what if she's flirting with you. A lot of people find it entertaining, and you're a long distance away and will never meet her IRL, you're safe to flirt with. Translation: you're on the friends ladder. Deal with it.

Also, see above about "having wild, furniture-breaking sex with her boyfriend". And even if she would do more than just flirt with you, do you really want to be with someone who is so easily persuaded away from their current partner? Hint for the clueless: if she's done it once, she'll probably do it again to you.

Quote:
Sorry, but so far you have been of zero help.



My help is "seek professional help." You're obsessed with this girl to an unhealthy degree.




Alternatively: she's in your corp, so you're free to shoot her. Get her to go missioning in her most expensive ship (specially faction fitted if you can persuade her), then warp in, kill her, pod her, take all her stuff. If she's stupid enough to believe your apology and give you another chance, do it again. And since you're about to be kicked from your corp, you might as well loot the corp hangar and any available assets before you go.

So, problem solved, she will never speak to you again, and you can move on to step 2 in the healing process: posting your whiny emo thread about how you screwed up and ruined everything with your One True Love.

Peryner
University of Caille
Posted - 2010.01.13 10:52:00 - [13]
 

other than the the comments about how you don't really know her.

tell your girlfriend. duh, if you love her, you'll tell her. If she loves YOU, then you have nothing to worry about, you'll talk it over.

Don't bottle it up inside, I bet that's half your feelings for her, you can't let it out or tell anyone, so your feelings are growing stronger. As evident by the thread if it is indeed real, you NEEDED to tell someone.

So tell your girlfriend. I got a little too interested in one girl, and I told my girlfriend before anyhting happened. now were all great friends and we've even had fun together.

if your more scared to tell your girlfriend than you are to not tell her, amyeb you don't love this girlfriend of yours as deeply as you think you do. If you wanted this person on a deep level you wouldn't be posting this thread, you would telling this to the one you love. simple as that.

Ealiom
EAT THE POOR
Posted - 2010.01.13 11:04:00 - [14]
 


dr doooo
Posted - 2010.01.13 11:06:00 - [15]
 

Originally by: Merin Ryskin

Alternatively: she's in your corp, so you're free to shoot her. Get her to go missioning in her most expensive ship (specially faction fitted if you can persuade her), then warp in, kill her, pod her, take all her stuff. If she's stupid enough to believe your apology and give you another chance, do it again. And since you're about to be kicked from your corp, you might as well loot the corp hangar and any available assets before you go.

So, problem solved, she will never speak to you again, and you can move on to step 2 in the healing process: posting your whiny emo thread about how you screwed up and ruined everything with your One True Love.



That's just way too obvious and simplistic to work. I mean how is he going to continue his imaginary affair with his imaginary perfect woman (that he most definitely doesn't want to have anything to do with), if he does that, stooopid. Because, you know, he really loves his partner. From what he says here, I'd go as far as to say that that relationship is probably pretty damn near perfect.


MooKids
Caldari
The Graduates
Morsus Mihi
Posted - 2010.01.13 13:56:00 - [16]
 

I just assume everyone online is a guy until DNA testing proves otherwise.

Ostens Ren
Posted - 2010.01.13 18:23:00 - [17]
 

Edited by: Ostens Ren on 13/01/2010 18:31:04
Originally by: Merin Ryskin
No, it doesn't make you magically able to not feel and think, but it does make things very simple: keep your (metaphorical) pants on. This is no different than if she was some random girl you ran into in a bar: you think "yeah, she's hot", and then you stop thinking about her.

It's kind of difficult if you keep running into same girl in same bar for half a year and not just staring at her but having meaningful conversations to just erase her out of your mind. May be you can do it, I have yet to attain this level of mind control Shocked

Quote:
And even if she would do more than just flirt with you, do you really want to be with someone who is so easily persuaded away from their current partner? Hint for the clueless: if she's done it once, she'll probably do it again to you.

As far as I know she is not cheating on her current boyfriend if that is what you are trying to imply (flirting is not cheating). I also don't think it is in the realm of impossible to have feelings for someone else while you're in a relationship (take my case for example). Unless, once again, you have perfect control over your emotions if that is what you're trying to profess here.

Quote:
You're obsessed with this girl to an unhealthy degree.
Alternatively: she's in your corp, so you're free to shoot her.

Yes, I have already stated so in the OP.
Why would I want to do anything violent to her in game and cause her to lose any ships is beyond me though. I'm my issue, not hers. I'm not trying to completely break off. I'd leave corp otherwise. I just want to get over her mentally and emotionally and go on playing EVE like I had been playing it before.

Originally by: Peryner
tell your girlfriend. duh, if you love her, you'll tell her. If she loves YOU, then you have nothing to worry about, you'll talk it over. Don't bottle it up inside, I bet that's half your feelings for her, you can't let it out or tell anyone, so your feelings are growing stronger. As evident by the thread if it is indeed real, you NEEDED to tell someone.

This is actually some very good advice. My gf has been feeling down past couple of months. Her mother is very sick and she also lost her job recently, so I have been trying to not make things any more complicated for her. I will need to think about how to start on conversation like this though. I am afraid she will simply just not understand it even if she loves me. Even I don't really get it so it will suck trying to explain myself.


Mire Stoude
The Undesirables
Posted - 2010.01.13 18:42:00 - [18]
 

Originally by: Merin Ryskin
Originally by: Ostens Ren
Originally by: Merin Ryskin
* inappropriate text removed - CCP Ildoge

It's a female player. We live quite far from each other and interact only in game and through teamspeak. Both of us are in relationships (and yes i am having sex with my current gf and i do love her very much). I have tried to conceal my feelings for this player so far and decided time will make me lose interest. But it has been 7 months now and my feelings haven't changed. I realize I need help but don't know what will help. I am hoping somebody out of MMO players have had similar experience and want to hear how they resolved it.



1) You're in a relationship (and I assume a monogamous one). This is no different than seeing a cute girl anywhere else, if you can't keep your (metaphorical) pants on, inform your girlfriend that you are a worthless excuse for a human being, break up with her, and never attempt to form any romantic relationship ever again.


2) You're shallow. If you can have such "deep" feelings for someone you have never met and probably barely spoken to about anything other than EVE, you have the emotional depth of a puddle.


3) You're a creep. This other player probably doesn't even know you exist. Stop obsessing over some imagined idea of who they are, and do not under any circumstances say anything to the other player (let me guess, you heard a female voice on teamspeak and suddenly can't stop thinking about her just because she's an OMFG GIRL WHO PLAYS EVE!?!?!?!?). People like you are a major reason why few girls play online games.


4) She isn't interested anyway. You know why she hasn't expressed her desperate longing for you? Because she's too busy having wild, furniture-breaking sex with her boyfriend to care about you.


Hey look everybody, it's the "girl's" BF chiming in.

Trathen
Minmatar
Posted - 2010.01.13 22:38:00 - [19]
 

Originally by: Ostens Ren

This is actually some very good advice. My gf has been feeling down past couple of months. Her mother is very sick and she also lost her job recently, so I have been trying to not make things any more complicated for her. I will need to think about how to start on conversation like this though. I am afraid she will simply just not understand it even if she loves me. Even I don't really get it so it will suck trying to explain myself.




You do realize you've already cheated on her on an emotional level. Do you really think your current relationship is healthy if you're off playing EVE and fantasizing about a female player the whole time?

I wasn't joking before. You need the life experience; you need to make this mistake on your own. Internet forums can't help you. No, I'm not predicting what you will do, but I already know your emotions put you in a lose/lose situation. Choose your path, learn from it. Or don't.

Chainsaw Plankton
IDLE GUNS
IDLE EMPIRE
Posted - 2010.01.13 22:50:00 - [20]
 

Originally by: Merin Ryskin
Originally by: Ostens Ren
1) Being in a relationship does not make me magically able to not feel and not think, and when I do feel and think a lot of times this female player becomes the focal point.


No, it doesn't make you magically able to not feel and think, but it does make things very simple: keep your (metaphorical) pants on. This is no different than if she was some random girl you ran into in a bar: you think "yeah, she's hot", and then you stop thinking about her.

Quote:
2) We have been having conversations in game and over voice comms for over half a year. And not just on game related subjects. True I have not met her in real life. But all that means is that I don't know what she looks like. And her looks is not what matters to me.


No, it means that you don't know her at all. Chatting over the internet is not the same thing as knowing someone in real life.

The best you have is a few bits of knowledge about the real person, and a whole lot of stuff you've invented yourself to fill in all the gaps. Sadly for you, this perfect imaginary girl is not the real person.

Quote:
3) See above.


The above changes nothing. Being so completely obsessed with this girl you have never even met is not normal. If she actually knew about this little thread of yours, she would probably never speak to you again.

Quote:
4) She has been flirting but I not sure if that is just friendly kind. In any case because we are both in relationships I was not asking advice on how to get her interested in the first place.


So what if she's flirting with you. A lot of people find it entertaining, and you're a long distance away and will never meet her IRL, you're safe to flirt with. Translation: you're on the friends ladder. Deal with it.

Also, see above about "having wild, furniture-breaking sex with her boyfriend". And even if she would do more than just flirt with you, do you really want to be with someone who is so easily persuaded away from their current partner? Hint for the clueless: if she's done it once, she'll probably do it again to you.

Quote:
Sorry, but so far you have been of zero help.



My help is "seek professional help." You're obsessed with this girl to an unhealthy degree.




Alternatively: she's in your corp, so you're free to shoot her. Get her to go missioning in her most expensive ship (specially faction fitted if you can persuade her), then warp in, kill her, pod her, take all her stuff. If she's stupid enough to believe your apology and give you another chance, do it again. And since you're about to be kicked from your corp, you might as well loot the corp hangar and any available assets before you go.

So, problem solved, she will never speak to you again, and you can move on to step 2 in the healing process: posting your whiny emo thread about how you screwed up and ruined everything with your One True Love.


haha best post yet

and ffs why haven't you given her isk and bought her items yet?!?!

she will love you long time for billions of isk and shiny faction ships!

Trathen
Minmatar
Posted - 2010.01.13 23:48:00 - [21]
 

Oh no one has told him what he wants to hear yet.

"Go for it, dude. Love conquers all."

Hahahahahahaha, kids these days.

Muad' Dib
Gallente
PWNED FACTOR HOLDINGS
Posted - 2010.01.14 09:57:00 - [22]
 

Originally by: MooKids
I just assume everyone online is a guy until DNA testing proves otherwise.


This is very fun to assume out loud even when you know/suspect the contrary just for the lols. :)

vulnevia
The Exploited.
Posted - 2010.01.14 11:17:00 - [23]
 

Originally by: Ostens Ren
My gf has been feeling down past couple of months. Her mother is very sick and she also lost her job recently, so I have been trying to not make things any more complicated for her. I will need to think about how to start on conversation like this though. I am afraid she will simply just not understand it even if she loves me. Even I don't really get it so it will suck trying to explain myself.




I think that's the reason you're flirting with this girl in your corp. She's probably happy to see you, and all of your other corp mates, if you're giving her attention, and she's giving you attention as well. I mean, common, she's a girl in a game populated by mostly boys (and men), so it's kind of natural for you to feel special when she's talking and flirting with you.
She could be flirting with you just because you're a guy in the internet, she don't have to see you IRL, so it doesn't feel as dirty and as flirting with a guy at the bar.

If you're planning on meeting this girl; don't! Even if it's among other people. Don't. If it's really bad so quit your corp, block her for about 6 months and contact her as a friend to see if your feelings have changed.

Spend less time online and try to cheer up your girlfriend instead, she probably needs you more than your corp right now.

If you didn't love your girlfriend, or if you were single, and the eve-girl was single I'd say "go for it", but only after breaking up with the GF.

Yes yes, I'm babbling, and i write like an ass =)

Reven Cordelle
Caldari
Total Mayhem.
Cry Havoc.
Posted - 2010.01.14 11:36:00 - [24]
 

When push comes to shove, shes probably fat. I don't mean like "Curvy"... I mean like the underside of rhinoceros.

Just remember that.

Thuul'Khalat
Gallente
Veto Corp
Posted - 2010.01.14 18:30:00 - [25]
 

Originally by: Reven Cordelle
When push comes to shove, shes probably fat. I don't mean like "Curvy"... I mean like the underside of rhinoceros.

Just remember that.



Hey! Big Girls need lovin' too!

Jakal
Gallente
Morne Attitude
Aeternus.
Posted - 2010.01.14 19:34:00 - [26]
 

simple, try video chatting next, talking and typing means little. if you both want to see each other genitals you have your anwser, on way or an other.


 

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