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seplocked Crime and Punishment
blankseplocked Nothin' like a good ol' fashioned assassination. My lemmings dun good.
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Golden Helmet
The Python Cartel.
The Defenders of Pen Island
Posted - 2009.08.22 04:48:00 - [1]

Alternate thread title: When The Python Cartel has too much time on their hands, this is what they do.

Some of you may remember us from when we absolutely, completely, massively triumphed over Mostly Harmless and their supercap armada.

Roughly 2 weeks ago, maybe 2 and a half weeks ago, our esteemed CEO, Spectre3353, was flying his new Curse around in Egghelende. Nothing out of the ordinary, until one of the local fellow pirates, Ken Plante of Eternal Perseverance, got in to a smacking match with our beloved CEO.

While I'm not sure, the odds are high that Spectre started it, but that's not important right now. What is important is that someone besmirched the good name of Spectre! This could not stand!

So, being the bored little lemmings that we are, the directors got together and circlejerked. The plan? Kill Ken Plante (who will henceforth be referred to as "Kenny") and his Proteus.

Ken Plante is notorious in Egghelende for probing out missioners in the system, which itself is known for high mission traffic. He's also notorious amongst our band of lemmings for being things the forum would censor if I said them, but that's another topic. We decided that if we were going to kill him, we would use this to our advantage.

One of our esteemed sub-directors, Andrea Skye (who dresses up as a girl), has exactly what we needed: an unaffiliated mission alt. NPC corp, 5.0 sec status, and flies a Raven. This would be the lure.

The plan was concocted over the course of roughly 7-10 days, because us lemmings aren't very smart and we have very few brain cells. The plan: Use the mission alt to get a mission in Egghelende. The Raven was fitted with an armor tank, a full rack of heavy neuts, medium neut, and a few nos (don't ask). The med slots: Tracking disruptors, webs, points, I think he had an injector or two but I really wasn't paying attention... basically, the perfect bait ship.

To ensure the trap went well, we had the Raven accompanied by an in-corp Rapier, who would sit roughly 20km away from the Raven cloaked. This also explains the aforementioned tracking disruptors; in the event the Proteus had buddies, specifically a Harbinger or Hurricane, the TD's would buy the Rapier and the main fleet more time to arrive.

We had the trap planned; all we needed now, was DPS out the whazoo. For that, that's where the rest of the corp came in. A call went out on our forums, where we arrange all our ops ahead of time: "Everybody get your ass in BS's. If you can't afford a BS, bring a BC. If you can't bring a BC, stay home. No T2 frigs, no cruisers, no nano, just BS and BC."

Because loose lips sink ships, and lemmings have very loose lips accompanied by very few brain cells, we kept the intent of the op secret. All anyone besides the directors knew was "Get your ass in BS's and meet at 01:00. Super important op, all hands needed."

Apparently, keeping lemmings in the dark gets EXTREMELY good results. I'm shocked how many people showed up, and even more shocked at how many were in BS's. At the fleets peak, we had our Rapier, a Curse, a Falcon (another alt)... I think we had one BC, and the fleet peaked at 17 (15 Python, 2 alts). Everyone else was in a BS. For us, that's a new record (we're small, shut upCrying or Very sad ). And nobody knew what we were doing until the trap was sprung.

Op day. The fleet was formed. We went to a staging area 2 jumps away from Egghelende. Our bait and Rapier were put in position. We waited.

Golden Helmet
The Python Cartel.
The Defenders of Pen Island
Posted - 2009.08.22 04:49:00 - [2]

Edited by: Golden Helmet on 22/08/2009 04:49:41
It didn't take long for probes to come out. Soon, our bait called out: "Harbinger on scan!" We ****ed and made our way to the Egg gate. "Harbinger landed, he's tackled the Raven." At this point, I revealed the nature of this op to the fleet; it was met with much joy and enthusiasm.

... But it wasn't Kenny. It was a corpmate of his, Jyren's Rage. After he attempted to ransom our bait Raven, and after some discussion on our part, we decided to have the Raven neut the Harby and try to escape; fortunately, this was a success, and we didn't have to play our hand prematurely.

Roughly 1 hour in, we decided that Kenny was... afk. But we waited... and waited...

During this time, other members of Eternal Perseverence probed out our little Raven, including a pair of Command Ships. Neither succeeded in tackling our bait. We didn't care about them, we wanted Kenny.

2 hours in. "Damnation on scan! Named '7 Deadly Sins'" And the Damnation was none other than Kenny's beloved alt who runs links. That was followed shortly by "Helios undocking, Helios dropping probes..."

Not long after: "Proteus undocking... Proteus warped, to the mission!"

By now, we had already gotten the fleet on the gate to Egghelende. We waited eagerly for what seemed like forever, and then: "Proteus landed, 17km away... he's pointed me, he's approaching."

"Everyone jump in, now! Warp yourselves to the Raven if you don't catch the fleet warp. Primary target is Ken Plante." I had to repeat the primary several times since, lets face it, lemmings have extremely short memory spans. They're like furry goldfish.

As we warped, I confirmed with the Rapier that he had his webs on the Proteus, and indeed he did. The trap was sprung, there was no escape.

The entire time we were planning, one thing kept coming up, and that was how he was tanked. Was it an active tank? Was it a passive tank? So we planned for both contigencies; in the op announcement, I mandated that as many ships as possible fit heavy \ medium neuts, and fit for gank. We had a huge blob, yes, but we wanted to make damn sure that Kenny had zero chance of survival. We only had one shot, and we'd look stupid(er) (than normal) if we failed.

The blob landed, the moment of truth had arrived, python panties were being soiled with anticipation...

And with what was almost an anti-climactic ending, the Proteus absolutely MELTED. Some of our ships didn't even get on the killmail. I guess you could ask, "You had a huge BS blob, what did you expect?" And, well, we just expected slightly more than that, I guess.

But, all that said, the joy was great. Two weeks of planning, two hours of waiting, all for that moment, to see his Proteus explode. If you want to say "You spent two weeks of planning just to kill one Proteus? Why is this forum worthy? You guys suck!" Well, this is The Python Cartel. Really, what do you expect?

All in all, something we don't get to normally do: an assassination. We waited, we schemed, we had our orgies, and all because of a little bit of smack, and because we really don't have much better to do.

And a funny little kicker: today is Ken Plante's characters birthday. We didn't know this until after we had docked up and spent half an hour stroking eachothers private areas. The laughter on Ventrilo when someone pointed it out was immense though.

And, for anyone wondering, the loot gods smiled on us today: almost 300m worth of loot, which will be going to the corp wallet to beef up our corp insurance program. YAY!

That's your installment of "The Python Cartel thinks it did good for once!" Tune in next week for an exciting new tale of how we dropped our carriers on poor, unsuspecting BANTAMS!

edit: a tl;dr for the lazy: we plotted for 2 weeks to blob a Proteus, and we think we're cool now.Cool

Posted - 2009.08.22 04:53:00 - [3]

BRAVO! /claps hands

Dirty Sue
Posted - 2009.08.22 05:02:00 - [4]

Cool story bro

Internal Anarchy
Posted - 2009.08.22 05:05:00 - [5]

I miss zooming through Mara/Auro/Dant and catching fights with you guys :* always a good time- no matter the outcome :)

Golden Helmet
The Python Cartel.
The Defenders of Pen Island
Posted - 2009.08.22 05:07:00 - [6]

Originally by: Tortugan
I miss zooming through Mara/Auro/Dant and catching fights with you guys :* always a good time- no matter the outcome :)

We're in the Amamake area now, come by sometime, plenty of blobs for everyoneVery Happy

Pandemonium Heresy
Posted - 2009.08.22 05:28:00 - [7]

Sounds like fun.

Heavy Risk...
Posted - 2009.08.22 05:49:00 - [8]

Cool story bro.

Vanishing Point.
The Initiative.
Posted - 2009.08.22 06:12:00 - [9]

Confirming the Kenny does indeed smack way too much.

Ambassador Cake
Suddenly Ninjas
Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
Posted - 2009.08.22 07:40:00 - [10]

Nice story, good job.

Lexa Hellfury
Posted - 2009.08.22 07:47:00 - [11]

Nice story, good read. Terrible Proteus fit heh.

Ran Khanon
Swords Horses and Heavy Metal
Posted - 2009.08.22 07:52:00 - [12]

Great story and nicely written. And don't excuse yourself for the overpoweredness. That was the whole point. To have this guy drop his eyeballs and cr*p his pants by such a surrealistic and dreadful surprise.

The Great cornholio's
Paper Tiger Coalition
Posted - 2009.08.22 07:57:00 - [13]

Actually a verry nice read Wink

Kenny Starfighter Appreciation Club
Posted - 2009.08.22 11:05:00 - [14]

Well written, good read :D

Larkonis TrassIer
State Breast Inspectorate
Posted - 2009.08.22 11:23:00 - [15]

Awesome annecdote, amigo.

Ministry of War
Posted - 2009.08.22 11:40:00 - [16]


Posted - 2009.08.22 12:09:00 - [17]

Bunch of smacktards, but nice read. Very Happy

Appetite 4 Destruction
Posted - 2009.08.22 13:51:00 - [18]

Originally by: Golden Helmet
Edited by: Golden Helmet on 22/08/2009 04:49:41
spent half an hour stroking each others private areas.

Confirming this was my favorite part of the op.. RazzCool

The 8th Order
Posted - 2009.08.22 14:03:00 - [19]

I felt like i was there Surprised

Lexa Hellfury
Posted - 2009.08.22 14:29:00 - [20]

Originally by: FU22
I felt like i was there Surprised

You've been in more corps than me Shocked

Eternal Perseverance
Posted - 2009.08.22 15:01:00 - [21]

Originally by: Lexa Hellfury
Originally by: FU22
I felt like i was there Surprised

You've been in more corps than me Shocked

yeah, but he still hangs around the same systems, losing expensive stuff

Posted - 2009.08.22 15:12:00 - [22]

I found this post engaging, thoughtful and an all around good story YARRRR!!

Posted - 2009.08.22 15:41:00 - [23]

good read deserves a golf clap \\o

Gella Darru
Posted - 2009.08.22 15:49:00 - [24]

Shiny pictures of the event on mah blawg!

Helicity Boson
The Python Cartel.
The Defenders of Pen Island
Posted - 2009.08.22 15:51:00 - [25]

goddamnit, wrong character. WTB BETTER FORUM.


yes, pictures on my blog.

Lachesis VII
The Python Cartel.
Posted - 2009.08.22 16:03:00 - [26]

Edited by: Lachesis VII on 22/08/2009 16:04:47
Originally by: Lexa Hellfury
Nice story, good read. Terrible Proteus fit heh.

Actually the fit wasn't that awful. Its just that the damned thing was active tanked, and once the neuts hit him, it was all over. I think he got off maybe one cycle of his reps (2x Amarr Navy reps). Total damage taken was like 12,000. He seriously melted in under 10 seconds.

Since no one has posted a link to the KM yet:

Stil Harkonnen
Posted - 2009.08.22 16:43:00 - [27]

This makes me happy

Brutor Tribe
Posted - 2009.08.22 17:37:00 - [28]

Good story, well playedVery Happy

Hammersmith Hardmen
Posted - 2009.08.22 17:59:00 - [29]

cool story bro

:) i did actually enjoy it hehe

Andrea Skye
Heavy Risk...
Posted - 2009.08.22 18:43:00 - [30]

Didnt get a chance to get my main on the KM :(

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