open All Channels
seplocked EVE Fiction
blankseplocked Against A Rock - the complete novel
 
This thread is older than 90 days and has been locked due to inactivity.


 
Pages: [1] 2

Author Topic

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.04.01 15:54:00 - [1]
 

Edited by: Allihence on 30/11/2009 07:22:00
Against A Rock
by Allihence


Please visit your user settings to re-enable images.



This novel is available at www.AgainstARock.com.

Floreina is a cybernetically enhanced young woman with a vibrant future in the Amarrian Empire, a decorated turret commander and slave overseer aboard an Abaddon warship. But after a cruel “accident” and the repeated abuse of slaves, Floreina risks everything in a defiant act of mutiny.

Along the way, she learns that commandeering a battleship takes more than just artificially focused cunning, automated adrenaline injections, and simple, old-fashioned brutality. For her plan to succeed, Floreina must befriend a Minmatar slave.

But plans don’t always go as planned… And as the two fight for their lives, Floreina must find a way to reconcile their friendship with the racism that drives her career.

Mazzx
Minmatar
Deepspace holdings
Posted - 2009.04.03 08:29:00 - [2]
 

Edited by: Mazzx on 03/04/2009 08:29:28
good storie, looking forward to the last chapter


Alexeph Stoekai
Stoekai Corp
Posted - 2009.04.03 11:14:00 - [3]
 

Originally by: Allihence
commandeering
I think the word you're looking for is "commanding".

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.04.04 20:15:00 - [4]
 

Quote:
I think the word you're looking for is "commanding".

"commandeer - To seize for military use; To force into military service; To take arbitrarily or by force"
Perhaps I should have said "take over" or "steal", but I think I still used it correctly.

Quote:

good storie, looking forward to the last chapter

Thanks for the encouragement. We're still a long way from the conclusion; however, I just posted chapters 5 and 6.

Chapter 5 is a little sappy, but it reveals the secret to happiness... at least from Floreina's perspective, and is very important to her character.

Chapter 6 shows Floreina's sadistic side and the beginnings of her plan.




Alexeph Stoekai
Stoekai Corp
Posted - 2009.04.04 20:33:00 - [5]
 

Originally by: Allihence
Quote:
I think the word you're looking for is "commanding".

"commandeer - To seize for military use; To force into military service; To take arbitrarily or by force"
Perhaps I should have said "take over" or "steal", but I think I still used it correctly.


Yes, my apologies. I misunderstood the context.

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.04.13 19:09:00 - [6]
 

Chapters 7 & 8 posted.
In chapter 7 Floreina takes her pet onto a station for the first time with a shiny and cruel new leash.
In Chapter 8 we have some fun with a killer drone in a restricted air-vent.

Alphdog
Posted - 2009.05.02 00:11:00 - [7]
 

Great read :D

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.05.25 23:03:00 - [8]
 

Chapters 9 and 10 posted

In Chapter 9 we have some wheelings and dealings of an illegal nature, and our slave suddenly makes a stand for his freedom.

In Chapter 10 we get a tiny little taste of the violence and brutality that is yet to come.

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.06.02 19:58:00 - [9]
 

Chapter 11 posted. Here we play with some dead bodies, have a run-in with the police, and Floreina decides to pull the choke-chain on her slave.

Kytanos Termek
Caldari
Perkone
Posted - 2009.06.03 07:05:00 - [10]
 

Just found the littile gem, Reading now.

(I recommend, if your going to publish, clear it with CCP first, they will probably want a rather large percentage. You don't want to get sued for copyright infringement.

Rivur'Tam
Posted - 2009.06.03 15:36:00 - [11]
 

Originally by: Alexeph Stoekai
Originally by: Allihence
Quote:
I think the word you're looking for is "commanding".

"commandeer - To seize for military use; To force into military service; To take arbitrarily or by force"
Perhaps I should have said "take over" or "steal", but I think I still used it correctly.


Yes, my apologies. I misunderstood the context.


no u were trying flame a legit thread about great work by a nice person what an ******* glad u were put in ur place

great work really hope u get published and make a million:P

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.06.15 05:04:00 - [12]
 

Chapter 12 posted.

This is a short chapter, but one of my favorites and sets the stage for the relationship between Floreina and her slave. We'll see what it means to be owned, and more importantly, what it feels like to be a slave owner. I did my best to avoid showing an Amarrian that's just a caricature of racism and selfishness, but without losing that sense that she's a horrible person. I'm fairly happy with how it turned out. Sometimes the most horrible people are the ones who feel the most justified.

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.06.30 04:59:00 - [13]
 

Chapters 13 and 14 posted. Here we visit Viotro the drug and slave trader, watch an implant surgery, and finally discover what a horrifying person Allihence really is.

I also posted three deleted scenes you can read if you really like the story. Though they don't fit with the rest of the book, I still think they're fairly entertaining. Karleen's Office gives a view of the head overseer's relationship with her slaves and her disciplinary structure. Kill A Slave is more evidence of Allihence's twisted view on life. Finally, The Coffin demonstrates some of the complexities involved in releasing slaves and simultaneously shows Floreina's compassionate and sadistic nature.

Also note the new cover image by Areille. I'm quite happy with it's portrayal of Floreina's guilt and desperation in the midst of her murderous rampage. I'm probably biased here, but I think it's one of the best pieces of EVE fiction artwork around.

Bruno Bourque
Posted - 2009.07.15 13:21:00 - [14]
 

Fantastic story, if you have read the Eve book you will enjoy this.

Well written and well thought out. I do like that the story is from the perspective of someone other than a capsuleer. How we make them work to keep our ships running Very Happy

Keep up the good work!!

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.07.19 03:11:00 - [15]
 

Originally by: Bruno Bourque
I do like that the story is from the perspective of someone other than a capsuleer. How we make them work to keep our ships running Very Happy


Yeah, I feel one of the few but notable flaws in the EVE backstory is the difficulty in having suspense with capsuleers who are essentially immortal. So I chose to write about an aspiring capsuleer, and with the one capsuleer that I do have in the story, I did my best to downplay the immortality factor without ditching it entirely. I personally feel that whenever a person quits EVE forever, their character has died by some failure of the pod/cloning systems. Thus, capsuleer immortality is really just a myth.

Anyway, thanks everyone for your comments. I'm still waiting for my first negative comment from an EVE player. I'm surprised that everyone so far has really liked it, with the exception of my mom, who thought it was too violent and morally offensive. But those are two things I was specifically shooting for Twisted Evil

So I've posted Chapters 15, 16 and 17

In 15 and 16, Floreina directly confronts some sworn enemies of the Empire, and creates a twisted pact.

Chapter 17 is the conclusion to Part 1 of 2. This is a love scene of sorts, and represents the calm just before the onslaught of gunshots, flesh wounds, shattered bones, crushed skulls, corpse mutilation, betrayal, altered states of consciousness, screaming, crying, and explosions that will carry us through the ENTIRE second half of the novel.

Mordinn
The Bones Brigade
Posted - 2009.07.19 14:39:00 - [16]
 

Just finished the first chapter and must say that was pretty well written! I look forward to getting into the rest of the story.

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.08.16 00:34:00 - [17]
 

Chapter 18 posted

This is the big one, where the story really begins.

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.09.10 06:17:00 - [18]
 

Chapters 19 and 20 posted

Chapter 19 is my favorite chapter, where we briefly see another side of Floreina as things start really going wrong for her. Chapter 20 is another long one; desperate, bloody and painful.

Ilharn Sil'in
Posted - 2009.09.10 14:35:00 - [19]
 

Very nice, really

Jarna
Amarr
Air EVE
Posted - 2009.09.11 13:55:00 - [20]
 

This is amazing. A good look inside the head of the people you are writing about. Especially the Amarrian pod pilot. Only finished chapter 3 or 4. I'm loving it. Well done.

Lupus Albus
Veto.
Veto Corp
Posted - 2009.10.09 15:37:00 - [21]
 

Wow, very well-written, very gripping! I'm impressed by your writing, to say the least.

Keep it going, I've enjoyed all of it so far :).

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.10.11 23:16:00 - [22]
 

Edited by: Allihence on 12/10/2009 00:22:23
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me.

I posted chapter 21, where perspectives twist and relationships collapse in preparation for the bone-crunching and morally questionable conclusion.

We've got one chapter to go.

Lupus Albus
Veto.
Veto Corp
Posted - 2009.10.12 13:49:00 - [23]
 

Edited by: Lupus Albus on 21/10/2009 13:13:10
Edited by: Lupus Albus on 21/10/2009 13:12:48
I figured now that I have a bit more time I’d write a few more detailed comments about your writing.

I think that it’s very good. The pieces are very well-written, with good use of grammar and wording. I love how the story is about someone other than a podder, it gives quite a different view of how things work.

One thing I absolutely love is the way you write about the Ammarian God and the Ammarians’ views on slavery. You do a fantastic job showing how they think the Minmatar people are “below” them, and that they are really protecting them by enslaving them. It sounds like a great way to brainwash the people into thinking that slavery is an acceptable practice. Awesome job. Also, the way Floreina prays, feeling that her God is watching over her, even when plans seem to go awry, depicts the strong spiritual nature of the Amarr people. Seeing someone put it into words like that just reinforces the idea.

I think Mahran is a fantastic character. I find that he somewhat “steals the spotlight” from Floreina, his struggles between himself, his master, and his society very pivotal to the storyline. He is portrayed well; in the most recent chapter, his outburst seems like it was a long time coming. I’m curious what you have in store for him in the final chapter.

The other thing that I think is done very well throughout the whole story is the way you reference Floreina’s implants. They’re as much a part of her as her arms and legs, something that your writing reveals. My favorite part of the whole thing so far is in chapter 20 when you say:

“She blinked and saw only the vague outlines of shapes, and a subtle light from above. She heard distant voices, muffled and incoherent, though she knew they were directly above her. Her senses, she knew, would slowly return over the next ten minutes or so as her brain tuned itself to life without the computer. But it wouldn’t matter; vision would only return visual stimulation with no hope for deeper analytical computations. The human brain is superb for fun and games, feeling love, excitement, fear, wonder, and all the things that make life worth living… but it’s quite inept at making real-world, fact-based decisions.

I'm not really a person anymore, she thought as she felt herself being lifted.”

She feels less human, even as she truly becomes human. Simply brilliant – captures the feel and nature of the character very well with that statement.

Overall, I think you’ve done a great job. Excellent depiction of characters, pretty darn cool plot, and awesome action scenes. I can’t wait for the ending!

Allihence
Amarr
Posted - 2009.10.30 03:27:00 - [24]
 

Wow, thanks Lupus; I'm utterly flattered; that means a lot to me.

And now I have posted the conclusion. Thanks everyone for reading.

I also have a very in-depth plan written up for a couple sequels, but unfortunately don't have any immediate plans to write them Sad

Lupus Albus
Veto.
Veto Corp
Posted - 2009.10.30 13:30:00 - [25]
 

Wow . . . just . . . wow. A truly epic conclusion!

It was awesome, from start to finish. It wasn't quite what I expected, in all honesty - but it was awesome nonetheless.

It's a shame that the audience is so limited, really. More people need to read this, it's one of the best (if not, the best) examples of Eve fiction out there.

*Lupus Albus will be adding Allihence to his friend list* . . . I'll pm you in-game ;)

Angelica Winters
Posted - 2009.11.04 23:48:00 - [26]
 

I just now read this because of the advertisement in EON. Very very well done. The ending was certainly different than I thought it would be midway through. Keep it coming. Btw, excellent job with the implant description and uses. Very fun.

AW

Bruno Bourque
Posted - 2009.11.27 16:58:00 - [27]
 

Free bump for a great story, I look forward to your next ones.

Kenshin Hemoura
Posted - 2009.12.05 16:51:00 - [28]
 

I just want to thank Allihence for making this great story. it is one of the few stories that i have read in my life where i could not get away from the computer or my iphone to read! I was happy to have my phone because i could read it any time or any where... even in class which was bad of me or so my teacher tells me.
I loved the depth of the story and how like in the tv show Dexter you end up rooting for the bad guy. My only issue with this story (not to presure Allihence) is that i want more! Have so many questions in my head like, What happends to Floreina and her slave? Do they fall in love? Do they kill each other? Does the slave becocme the master? So many questions in my head... well Thank you again Allihence for making a truly wonderful story!

Avedoi
Posted - 2009.12.06 12:31:00 - [29]
 

Another bump.

I printed out and read your book with great interest. I'm sad that you've decided not to write the sequels, but I guess I'll make do with the outline. I'll evemail you with my details.

Again, thanks for your engrossing story. Smile

Xaviar Onassis
Gulfonodi Bay Fishing Club
Posted - 2009.12.16 21:17:00 - [30]
 

I was genuinely (and pleasantly!) surprised by how good this was.

I downloaded the combined PDF to read on my sony reader, and while it didn't necessarily paginate itself very well (or even pick up the paragraph breaks in places) I feel this is the best eve fiction I've read that wasn't written by CCP. In fact, I liked this better than the Empyrean Age novel (which may not be a unique viewpoint in this forum, I suspect).

Very, very well done to Allihence. I will keep an eye out for your future writing (will you advertise it here, even though it's not eve-related?).

Reading it, I kept expecting to be disappointed with Chronicle-style bleakness or far-worse-than-you-can-expect twists and turns, but this did an excellent job of providing an enjoyable story, with deep, well-written characters to really get involved with, without breaking the tradition of eve fiction. Fantastic. Amazing. Pick any three of your favourite superlatives and insert them here.

Thank you very much.

Xav


Pages: [1] 2

This thread is older than 90 days and has been locked due to inactivity.


 


The new forums are live

Please adjust your bookmarks to https://forums.eveonline.com

These forums are archived and read-only