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blankseplocked Whispere's Newbie Adventure #4 - When Iterons Attack
 
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Author Topic

Whispere
Posted - 2004.08.12 20:28:00 - [1]
 

Edited by: Whispere on 12/08/2004 21:20:04
Edited by: Whispere on 12/08/2004 20:29:27
Itís been a while since Whispey has seen any action.. but Iíve had the flu all week, and times are tough.. blah blah blah blah..

Well last night is the first night I get to saddle up and head back out into the wild black cosmos to do some damage. Iíve got my missile skills trained up.. I figure itís time to give the universe some back.

But in the battle between me and the universe, bet on the universe.

I took inventory of my battles thus far... Iíve died against player miners, player industrial ships, player merchants.. Iím sure if people could pilot asteroids one of those would have blown me up too. (ďLord Poppingsworth? Whatís the smear on the front of my Veldspar ship of the line? Is that someoneís frigate?)Ē

Anyways, I figure Iíll try raiding some NPC convoys, because those are supposed to be slow, easily killed by a decently outfitted cruiser, and you donít take a security hit. Plus, Iím an idiot (seeing the recurring theme here yet?) and I figure surely I can outsmart the computer AI on auto-pilot.

Remember though kiddies.. bet on the universe.

Well I spend a majority of my only recently recovered bank on some named heavy launchers for my shiny new Caracal, and I fly out of my HQ in Doussivitte to do some raiding/pillaging. Immediately, I see a full convoy, consisting of one flotilla, two Chandlers (I didnít know CCP had a ďFriendsĒ license) and a caravan. They are around 200km away, so I figure Iím safe from the station guns and all that jazz.

This also was my first time out with a micro warp drive, which I only recently got the skills to use. So I figure Iíll click on one of those, and see how fast I get there.

Well I figure itís going to take a minute or two, so I go get some Fanta or something, and when I get back it says Iím 60km away and closing fast. I must be hauling some serious hull! These new fangled warp drives really work! My mouth begins to water in anticipation.. I can taste those superconductor-whatzits and all sorts of riches and who-knows-what floating around in that hull. I launch all four of my missile bays and watch them scream across the blacknessÖ Chandler gets nailed so hard Iím sure even Ross and Phoebe felt it. Smiling grimly.. I get ready to release another volley.

ďGallente Sentry Gun strikes your perfectly for 741.2 damage.Ē

Panic sets in.

But like a prison victim caught defenseless in the shower.. I have nowhere to turn. The guns paste me all over Chandler and the caravan and some old lady handing out Easy Cheese samples near the docking bay.

What happened, you say? You had in in the bag this time Whispy!! What went wrong??

Well Chandler and his buddies werenít heading away from the station when I spied them at 200km.. they were heading IN. So by the time I got my gear and set out.. they were pushing 150-175, and I didnít notice. So I didnít go out to get them.. they met me in the middle.. right in the sweet spot of those voluminous sentry guns who so desperately wanted to scratch another Whispere carcass into their nasty, grimy barrels.

ďHey Buhbuh.. ainít that there Care-a-cull flyin like that Eh-tron the other day? I cud have sworn we blowed that one to tarnation and back..Ē
ďWho cares Euhrl.. letís mash it.. I ainít killed nothin since this mornin when I squished some poor fellerís dawg in the canteen.Ē

So Iím in the grapefruit.. and I have to travel 75km back to the station at warp-factor-crawl-speed. And the convoy PASSES ME as Iím traveling, each one of them waving out of their %*(#&)% windows and Iím floating along there. Iím sure that even the server AI ripped an intestine laughing at that one.

I'm thinking I should trade in my fighter's wings for industrial ship training wheels on a more permanent basis.. Because I can tell you right now, if it has a gun, an engine, or even a bad name like Chandler, it can get me killed.

Final Score Ė Miners, Merchants, Guns and the Universe: 4 Ė Whispere: 0

Weirda
Minmatar
Queens of the Stone Age
Rote Kapelle
Posted - 2004.08.12 20:32:00 - [2]
 

Bummer for you cruiser... Shocked

Great Read though!!! Very Happy

Elrathias
Caldari
Legio Prima Victrix
Posted - 2004.08.12 20:45:00 - [3]
 

hmm i gotta try that someday.

gonan kit out my badger mk2. small smartbomb, dual 150mm railgun, 1 medium armorrepairer, 2 plates, webb, warpjam, cargoscanner, ecm burst x2

Gift
Amarr
Loot
Pirate Coalition
Posted - 2004.08.12 20:55:00 - [4]
 

i alway enjoy your little storys Very Happy
thanks

Comet Girl
Posted - 2004.08.12 21:00:00 - [5]
 

People at work are looking at me funny. I have been laughing for the past 10 minutes. Great post as always, love your stories. Keep 'em coming.

crice
Caldari
Blackwater USA Inc.
Against ALL Authorities
Posted - 2004.08.12 21:09:00 - [6]
 

That was a great read. Talk to Xanz, sounds like you would be a fun addition to the corp.

crice

Neon Genesis
GoonFleet
Posted - 2004.08.12 21:29:00 - [7]
 

Edited by: Neon Genesis on 12/08/2004 21:30:54
supoib as always YARRRR!!

don't giv up on being ebil!! ugh

Father Lazarous
Posted - 2004.08.12 21:55:00 - [8]
 

Edited by: Father Lazarous on 12/08/2004 21:56:36
Originally by: Whispere
Edited by: Whispere on 12/08/2004 21:20:04
Edited by: Whispere on 12/08/2004 20:29:27
So Iím in the grapefruit.. and I have to travel 75km back to the station at warp-factor-crawl-speed. And the convoy PASSES ME as Iím traveling, each one of them waving out of their %*(#&)% windows and Iím floating along there. Iím sure that even the server AI ripped an intestine laughing at that one.



Whispere,

Love your stories, that paragraph was extremely funny as well. At least I have a bit more luck then your good self?

Have you considered 0.0 space, you could potentially earn enough grapefruits to fill a basket or two!

Keep the faith and good luck for the future!


Chrome Born
Posted - 2004.08.12 23:15:00 - [9]
 

Love it keep em coming, cant stop laughing ;)

Chrome Born.

Major Bash
the Organ Grinder and Company
Posted - 2004.08.13 03:58:00 - [10]
 

OMG. That's some funny s*** Very Happy Keep 'em comming Laughing

Ly'sol
Caldari
Posted - 2004.08.13 04:24:00 - [11]
 

Whispere,

Reminds me of the time I decided I would try and remove the Caldari Sentry gun threat but fireing a full spread of cruise missles into it...

Anyways...DONT JOIN ANY BIG CORP!!....they are EVIL...all of them. They will take that glowy thing inside you that is fun and good and turn it black and cold by feeding you hate to make you fight thier bad guys!

You should start your own corp.

Cruz
Out of Order
Posted - 2004.08.13 04:28:00 - [12]
 

LOL I just took the time to read all your other stories, and these are class, keep em coming!!

Nan Flori
Posted - 2004.08.13 08:17:00 - [13]
 

Laughing

very nice read, keep em coming!

Killash Larz
Gallente
The Scope
Posted - 2004.08.13 08:28:00 - [14]
 

Fantasic - you ought to get a sponser...


Sidhe
Galactic Shipyards Inc
Posted - 2004.08.13 10:10:00 - [15]
 

Originally by: Whispere

ďHey Buhbuh.. ainít that there Care-a-cull flyin like that Eh-tron the other day? I cud have sworn we blowed that one to tarnation and back..Ē
ďWho cares Euhrl.. letís mash it.. I ainít killed nothin since this mornin when I squished some poor fellerís dawg in the canteen.Ē



ROFLMAO, I love it when you talk sentry... Laughing




Riddari
VIT
Posted - 2004.08.13 10:36:00 - [16]
 

Very nice penmanship


A Brr
Gallente
Tech-5-Inc.
Empire Trader Alliance
Posted - 2004.08.13 10:49:00 - [17]
 

One small advice: When hunting convoys, make the scanner show the sentry-guns, and sort the scanner by distance :)

BlackHawk177
West Point Military Acadamy
Posted - 2004.08.13 20:21:00 - [18]
 

Whispere keep them coming. i've been laughing for about 5 mins now. this is especially funny b/c i saw the same thing happen earlier today. the talking senties was hilarious.

Koda
Caldari Provisions
Posted - 2004.08.13 21:01:00 - [19]
 

As always, Whispere, your writing is well crafted and f#$%ing hilarious. Sorry about the Caracal but A+ for effort.


Gabriel BriGGs
Genco
Curatores Veritatis Alliance
Posted - 2004.08.14 05:21:00 - [20]
 

ohhh man, that is just what i needed. That was a great laugh and a great little tale.. lol good times. Very very good.

"ďHey Buhbuh.. ainít that there Care-a-cull flyin like that Eh-tron the other day?" LOL ohhhh my god hahahah... Laughing

DJTheBaron
Caldari
FinFleet
KenZoku
Posted - 2004.08.14 09:07:00 - [21]
 

you dont need named modules on a cruiser (unless u have loads of spares and there is no risk of you dying pvp or to sentry/concord, a carcal should use all 5 launchers

only dumb thing i have like that is loosing a moa in 0.0 space by attacking an enemy, turned out that 0.0 had sentrys at the gate for some reason and i got hammered

oh and loosing my first crow within 5min to sentry guns in 0.0 station by refitting and smartboming a corpmate and hitting the station

BMGT
Minmatar
Brutor Tribe
Posted - 2004.08.15 23:13:00 - [22]
 

lol im sure one day u will succseed :P

Legenda
Caldari
Seraphin Technologies
Posted - 2004.08.15 23:36:00 - [23]
 

ROFLMAO m8.. Laughing

Itīs cracking me up...hehehe Smile , great story thought Wink


Sorry about your loss...

Deneba Zaavi
Jokers
Posted - 2004.08.16 07:33:00 - [24]
 

Edited by: Deneba Zaavi on 16/08/2004 07:35:17
Hi.

Keep 'em coming! Had a helluva fun reading it.:D

Ah Whispere, can i suggest you a good brand of named modules and gear in general?

It's really worth the try and they deliver all across the universe.

ACME

Give it a try!

Shanara Red
Caldari
Caldari Provisions
Posted - 2004.08.16 09:00:00 - [25]
 

LMAOWROFL !!!

No.1 !!!! Very Happy

Whispere, your stories c-r-a-c-k me up each and every time!

Mitawyn
Caldari
The Collective
B O R G
Posted - 2004.08.16 11:04:00 - [26]
 

Each one is funnier than the last. If you aren't a serious (!) professional author, Whispere, you ought to be. Razz

Klassac
Gallente
Refuge of the Damned
Impulse-9
Posted - 2004.08.16 11:20:00 - [27]
 

The best read i had on these forums for a long long time Laughing Laughing

Keep em comin....

Reebo77
Turbulent
Posted - 2004.08.16 12:33:00 - [28]
 

Lol, I love your little stories, keep them coming Very Happy

Waagaa Ktlehr
Amarr
GeoCorp.
-Mostly Harmless-
Posted - 2004.08.16 12:36:00 - [29]
 

Sent you a little donation to get the bank up a bit again.
Hope you get into action Soon(TM) again for more of this, classic ugh

M0RIARTY
Minmatar
Haita de lupi
Legiunea ROmana
Posted - 2004.08.16 15:56:00 - [30]
 

Great story as ever, keep pounding away at the universe and keep us all up to date with your endeavours. Laughing

I too will donate some universe battle funds to your account just as soon as I log in.


 

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